


The Line Between Us

by disordr



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Emo Kylo Ren, Family Drama, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Hux is emotionally constipated, Kylo always down to fight, M/M, creepy internet friend Snoke, messy handjobs, shitty teenagers with problems, there might be some awkward sex in the future, they are also both awkward as hell, they have no chill
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-10
Updated: 2016-07-26
Packaged: 2018-05-25 23:11:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 10
Words: 56,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6213931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/disordr/pseuds/disordr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hux has to live in a dormitory, and the only free room that's left is the one nobody wants to live in because of Kylo Ren. From this moment they have to share it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Room 62

**Author's Note:**

> Rating may change in the future, but for now it's all smut free stuff. Enjoy.

There is no other choice. Hux stands in the office with two large suitcases containing enough clothes for a few weeks and his most important belongings. It's too late to turn back now. The lady who's part of the dorm's personnel hands him a form he has to fill and sign to start living there. It's about regulations mostly, at the end of it he has to write a number of the room he wants to stay in. There are only two unoccupied beds left in the whole building, both in the same room. The room no one wants to be in. The room where t h a t p e r s o n lives. Hux sighs as he writes down the unfortunate number followed by few other things and finishes with his full name written in neat, even letters on the bottom of the paper. He gives it back to the secretary with the other document his father had to sign earlier, back at home. 

“Welcome on board” the lady says smiling at him nicely, but with visible concern she tried to hide this way. “I'll show you the way to your room.”

Visible to the boy in front of her at least, he could always read most of people pretty easily.

“Thank you” Hux replies blandly, but doesn't return the smile.

He follows the woman through the long corridors with walls painted orange, and then hospital shade of green on the upper floors. This place looks better on the ground floor, where it had been renovated, here it looks old, a bit shabby even, compared to what Hux is used to. Finally they arrive at the door with plate saying “62” on it. This is it, Hux takes a deep breath bracing himself, when the lady opens the door. There is hesitation in her movements, it appears that even the personnel are intimidated by him.  
The door opens and there he is, sprawled across two beds joined together, tall, with broad shoulders and unproportionally long limbs. Kylo Ren, the school's biggest weirdo. It wasn't his real name of course, but he wanted to be called that. Behind his back people laughed and called him Crylo, but when Crylo looked at them everybody went perfectly silent. Nobody knew him in person but all people have heard the rumors. He had been expelled from his previous school due to his violence and came to this one a year ago. The most recent and spicy one was about how he got kicked out of the school band, because the rest of it was afraid of him. People were saying that he'd taken his guitar and smashed it on the wall to splinters, then tried to choke the band leader, but the teacher has stepped in before he managed to seriously harm the poor kid. Kylo broke this, Kylo shouted at the teacher, Kylo threw a tantrum in the middle of the class again. Basic stuff.  
Ren frowns at the secretary as he sits up and props himself on his elbows. There is already anger in those dark brown eyes looking at the woman from beneath thick, furrowed eyebrows. His narrow face is framed by thick, raven locks, long and shiny, falling against his neck in soft waves. He has moles everywhere and big ears he always tries to hide in his messy hair. Hux notices the twitch of his full lips when Kylo sees him. His face twists and fists clench. The whole school was afraid of him when he did that, but not Hux. He'll not be intimidated by some overly emotional child with anger problems. With his chin up and eyes cold he steps forward. He'll not show any weakness like the others. If they were supposed to live together, Crylo had to know his place.

“What do you want?” Kylo barks from his bed baring his teeth like some sort of an animal. His voice is low, even too low judging by his age and appearance.

There would be a moment of silence between them if not the loud metal music the black-haired boy is listening to.

“Good afternoon, um...” says the woman at the door trying so hard to speak in steady voice and failing miserably. “This is your new roommate -”  
“Hux.” Hux decides to end woman's struggle as he steps in with the confidence she is lacking. Besides, she could introduce him with his first name and Hux didn't want that.

Ren eyes him from head to toe when he stops in the middle of the room with suitcases in both hands. It's rather small for three people, the floor is tiled, once vivid yellow walls are pale now. The place is furnished in a way that creates a clear passage between the door and a single window Hux is facing now. Ren's double bed stands on the left side in the far end of the room. Moving toward the door there is an old, filthy desk with one chair and two large wardrobes. On the right side of the room there is an empty space where one of the beds had to be originally placed. Closer to the door are located two desks pressed together, creating one big, squarish surface with chairs on both sides. The third bed stands right next to the door and contains a pile of black rags that appear to be Kylo's clothes. The whole place is a mess in general, none of Ren's stuff seem to have a place where they belong. 

“So... I think you are fine from here. You'll have to collect the bedclothes from the office. Dinner is at 6 pm. If you need to ask about something, I'm downstairs.” the lady says quickly and leaves them alone as fast as she can.

Ren stares at his new roommate like he wants to murder him with sheer power of will. Hux holds his gaze with a blank expression, as if he feels like Kylo could see through him with those dark eyes burning with hatred. They just glare at each other for a good minute, none of them wanting to start a conversation. Finally Hux speaks.

“I'll need a bed”

“Well then take that one by the door, I'm keeping this one.” Ren says, or rather hisses.

“I'm not going to sleep with your junk” Hux snorts “Take it away.”

“It's your bed now, so you do it” Ren replies with irritation and shifts slightly.

“I'm not going to clean your mess Ren. You take all your shit away from here right now so we can start sharing this lovely room in peace. You respect my space and I respect yours, is that clear?” Hux's voice hardens but he still keeps it relatively quiet dragging the words like he was talking to a toddler. 

Kylo lets out a frustrated sigh when he stands up, clenches his jaw as he walks past his roommate and gathers all his clothes lying on the bed. He throws them on the chair creating a big pile of black mess. Hux says nothing as he proceeds to unpack his suitcases and move all his neatly folded clothes to the wardrobe. He puts everything in even stacks, the stacks form rows. T-shirt sector, pants sector, sweater sector... Kylo has returned to his blanket nest and now he's watching, Hux can feel it. That bastard stares a lot. It makes him feel uneasy but he doesn't show it as he completely ignores him. The fact that he has to share one room with somebody is enough for him to feel the discomfort, he'll have to get used to it. He wonders if Ren will be watching him all day like that while he's putting his things in their new places. 

By the time Hux finishes with his suitcases it's almost 6 pm. 

“You're not going to eat?” he asks seeing that Kylo is still stretched out on his bed with a phone in his hand, texting probably.

“I have my own food.” Ren replies blankly like his thoughts were too occupied with something else.

“Ah” 

Hux wonders why he even asked, it came out like he cared about him. At least Ren stopped staring, maybe his first night in the new bed won't be that awkward. He goes downstairs and heads to the cafeteria. There aren't many people sitting by the long tables and sadly he doesn't know anyone, so he goes straight for the tray. The food is nasty, Ren is right to have his own. Hux tries to eat some of the weird looking stew, but gives up and ends up stuffing his stomach only with overcooked rice. He'll go eat something in town next time. He finishes his meal rather quickly, leaving over half of it, and returns it to the small window in the wall. He feels homesick already, but tries not to dwell on it. This isn't the end of the world, he has to get used to this situation and make it work for him as he always does. It's just temporary anyway. Making himself sad won't help here so he focuses on other thoughts. He's never felt so lost though.  
He remembers the bedclothes as he passes next to the office. The pillow could be thicker and the quilt is rather thin, but it looks warm enough. Sheets are tragic on the other hand, they look like something that belongs to the hospital. He makes a mental note to buy new ones tomorrow. He'll need to do some serious shopping.

Ren's moved from his bed to the double desk to make himself some sandwiches and litter the whole surface with breadcrumbs. Hux is in awe how one person can make so much mess with just one loaf of bread in such a short time.

“Can you even eat like a normal person?” he asks with disgust as he sees a bit of butter smeared on the desk. “Clean this mess up, I want to put my books there and study.”

“And who are you to tell me what to do?” Ren replies with a question in a raised voice looking like he was about to throw a tantrum. 

“Someone who likes to live like a civilised human being.” Hux snorts and crosses his arms. “You know, without decaying food scraps everywhere for example.”

“So clean it up yourself if it bothers you so much!” Ren barks and slams his fist on the desk. “I won't take orders from you!”

So scary. He tries to scare him, Hux realizes. He tries to make him go home. Hux's just invaded this perfect little world of Kylo Ren and Kylo Ren most certainly wants him out of it. Well that's not possible, he'll stay here no matter what nonsense Ren is going to try on him. Hux isn't afraid. He begins do despise Kylo more with every second he looks at him.

“Oh? But you did it so well last time.” he says mockingly. “I thought we understand-”

Hux goes silent mid sentence as Kylo suddenly stands up, takes the chair he was sitting on a second ago and smashes it on the ground in one sharp movement. The thing breaks right in front of Hux making a terrible noise that had to be heard by everybody in the building. He doesn't move and keeps his posture perfectly straight. Ren exhales loudly and pierces him with furious eyes, but he remains calm and collected while holding his gaze. 

“What now huh?” Kylo growls and closes the space between them.

“I guess you have to pay them for the chair.” Hux replies in flat voice, his face is just few inches away from Ren's. “Is the show over? Or maybe you plan to deprives us of all chairs? The night is still young.”

Ren's face twists and a moment later he pushes Hux on the wall, grabs him by the collar and yanks forward just to slam him against it again and pin him down. He's too strong, Hux could feel it when his back hit the wall behind him and he's lost his breath for a second. He has no chance against him, he doesn't even try to struggle in his grip. He goes perfectly still instead, focuses on Ren's face again and feels the fear deep down in his gut. It looks more like a grotesque mask with eyes black as the void devouring him, making it impossible to look away. He snaps himself out of it not letting that disgusting emotion paralyze him.

“Why do you talk so much?!” Ren shouts at Hux right in his face “Can't you just shut up?!”

“Make me.” Hux says it rougher than he normally does, through gritted teeth, with a dare.

Ren inhales deeply and releases Hux to his surprise. He steps back just to take a decent swing and hit his roommate right in the face. There is a second of darkness and the next thing Hux knows is that he's collapsing against that damned yellow wall, down, down to the floor. His mouth is full of warm, wet iron which he spits as he lets out a pained groan. The ground is moving, no he's moving. He's being pulled by his leg away from the wall, the dark figure looms over him blocking out the light from the lamp . He feels Ren's weight on his hips pressing him down to the cold floor, immobilizing him, he sees a cruel smile on his face, more like a grimace. A few nasty curses leave his mouth before he manages to form a proper sentence again, he want's to say something but the pair of large hands closes firmly around his throat, crushes his windpipe, makes his words turn into quiet shrieks as he struggles to get some air. His own hands go automatically to his neck, he fights against Ren's merciless grip, claws at his fingers with no avail. He's being choked just like that kid from the band, he has to come up with something, anything. The mess. There were all kinds of junk on the ground. Hux's arm darts to the side, his hand hurriedly searches for anything, and there it is. He clenches his fingers around something that appears to be a pencil as his vision starts to go blurry and lungs begin to burn. He jabs Kylo in the ribs with all the force he is capable of. The grip loosens, Hux takes the chance and wrenches himself out of it, kicks Ren off himself and moves out of his range desperately gasping for air. 

This is how the personnel finds them. They storm inside the room, most likely alarmed by the noise and Kylo's shouts. The guy quickly grabs Ren and restrains him while the lady Hux doesn't know approaches him slowly like he was some sort of wounded animal, touches his shoulder lightly in a protective gesture and tries to help him stand up. Hux flinches, pushes her away as he straightens up sharply, repulsed by her pity, still coughing and touching his neck.

“I'm fine!” he spits out. His voice is weak from the choking, but sounds threatening enough to stop the lady from moving closer.

Hux marches out the room to wash the blood from his lips. He walks briskly, with raised head, and straight back, without any emotion ruining the perfect stillness of his features. He looks like the winner not the victim even if his hair is one big, ginger mess, shirt is rumpled and stained with few red drops that has dripped from his chin. All doors in the corridor are open, many curious eyes stare at him as he walks past them. They break under his cold glare, people he looks at retreat to their rooms unable to hold his gaze for longer than few seconds. He's learned that long time ago, how to remain unbroken, how to keep his pride no matter what, that his dignity is his armor.  
He'll return to that room, he won't give Kylo the satisfaction. He won't lose this game even if Ren wanted to turn this dorm into ruins and bury him in it.


	2. New Enemies and Old Friends

Hux feels the warm September sun on his face as he leaves the school. He remembers his morning dilemma about whether to cover the bruises on his neck or not. He didn't want teachers to look at him with those concerned eyes, and worse, talk to him about it, but everybody in that corridor had seen it already, so they'd know eventually. There are rumors about his fight with Ren already. Besides he didn't want to make Kylo think he's ashamed of his failure and thus Kylo has the upper hand in this whole situation. He hadn't given him that satisfaction while he'd been wearing his bruises like battle scars the whole day. It wasn't so bad though. None of the teachers asked him any questions, people had been looking, but nobody spoke to him about it besides his friends. Nobody pitied him. Good.   
He isn't wearing button up shirt today like usual, but a simple, grey t-shirt and pair of black, slim fitted pants. The t-shirt has a small v-neck that fully exposes the dark, finger shaped marks which contrast with his pale skin. It had been warm enough to not wear a sweater earlier, but the temperature has begun to drop. 

“There goes our new president!” cheers one of his colleagues as he passes next to him.

“Hell yeah!” Hux shouts back.

He decided to run for the student body president this year. He's been part of the student council since he was a freshman and now it was the time to get on the whole new level. The highest one; Hux always aims as high as it's possible, and sooner or later he succeeds. He believes that he has enough support to win this, and if not, his gang will take care of the problem.   
He thinks about that awkward moment when he declared his candidacy in front of the teachers with a split lip and bruised neck. That wasn't the most fortunate look for soon-to-be schools main representative, but his spotless reputation couldn't be ruined with this one small incident.

Hux goes back to the dorm to get the keys before going to meet with Phasma in the mall. She'd been away from town for five days and today she finally returned. Hux realizes how much he misses his best friend when he thinks about her. It's been rough few days for him recently, he deserves some quality time. Ren isn't in the room when he enters; good. He looks at his bed where his black turtleneck that he was considering wearing this morning still lies. He's glad he didn't, he hates the thing, it's itchy and looks rather non appealing, but now it could be useful. The school was one thing, but the mall is the other. Nobody will care about who he fought with and if he won or lost there, but his neck will certainly draw attention. He doesn't want the looks from cashiers so he puts it on. It messes his neatly combed hair, so he fixes it quickly, looks at himself in the mirror, tucks his sleeves, fixes his hair again, takes his keys and leaves. He hadn't driven since he arrived to the dorm; the school is so close that he can walk there on foot. His car is ordinary, so mediocre it hurts him, but his father didn't allow him to have anything better even if there are three expensive cars in his garage. It's five years old Ford Fiesta he got from second hand salon. His father says that he's too young and inexperienced to trust him with anything better, besides he doesn't deserve a good car yet. His father's first car was shitty so apparently his son has to go through the same shit. He starts the engine, thinks about the BMW wasting its potential back at his house, scratches his neck and drives to the mall.

Phasma's waiting for him by the little fountain in the middle of the building, she waves at him when she sees him.

“How was the big city?” Hux greets her with a genuine smile.

She's taller than him and has more muscle, her bicep is as thick as Hux's thigh, she made herself even more tall than usual by wearing platforms. Her blond hairis short and a bit wavy, she has an undercut that wasn't there before she left. She usually didn't put on much make up for school, but today she's wearing blood red lipstick and winged eyeliner. Suddenly Hux feels a bit plain-looking compared to her. He shakes the feeling off as fast as it appeared.

“Ah, it was delightful. I'll get into the details somewhere more cozy,” she grins, “but I see you weren't bored either.” she says it with a bit of a tease as her grin grows even wider “My my, Huxy, who did you make out with this time?”

“What?” Hux is confused for a moment. “I didn't.”

“Don't play the saint. This is the hide-all-the-nasty-shit sweater, I'm not blind and certainly not stupid.” She chuckles.

Phasma knows him too well. He should have thought about it before he decided to put this ugly thing on. This was a mistake. He could have used a scarf and said that he's caught a cold. On the other hand she'll know about everything tomorrow when she arrives to school. There is no point in hiding it so he doesn't really oppose when she reaches out for the turtleneck to see what is he hiding there. He shifts a bit but it's just something he does when people touch him while he's uncomfortable.

“Oh come on, why are you so prude all of a sudden?”

He sighs with irritation. She smiles playfully as she pulls away the elastic fabric with her fingertips and peeks with curiosity at what's behind it. The moment her gaze meets red and purplish finger shaped bruises her face goes still for a second, then the smile melts off. There is nothing but shock and concern showing on her features. She collects herself and finally speaks in quiet voice.

“Fuck.”

“Ok, so let me sum this up. I leave for five days and in the same time you get shitfaced drunk, come out of the closet, become homeless and get nearly choked to death?” says Phasma while she's counting Hux's deeds on her fingers. “Dammit Hux, without me around you're a mess, I'm afraid to leave this town.”

“I'm also running for student body president from today.” Hux reminds. “And I'm not homeless.”

“Dorm isn't a home, and we both know you won't get used to living there.”

“Well I have to try.”

Hux feel a bit offended by Phasma's lack of faith in him, but deep down he knows she's right about it. After yesterday's dorm bathroom experience he already missed his own, with vast, clean shower stall, and a bathtub if he felt like being lazy. He could use one now, it's true that people start to really appreciate what they've had when it's taken away from them. He takes a sip of his frappe, the cold liquid feels good against his still swollen lip.

“Just don't get yourself killed in the process.” Phasma says mockingly, but Hux can tell she cares.

“I'm fine P.” he exhales heavily. “One unstable freak is not enough to take me down, please.”

“What did you do to him?” Phasma asks and sips her smoothie. Hux thinks it's a joke, but she has serious look on her face. 

“What I did to him?” he drags the “I” with emphasis. “He choked me.”

“Well he's aggressive, but he mostly just sits quietly, listens to his music and broods all the time. He doesn't attack people without provocation.” Phasma points out.

“Ok I might have been a little snippy to him, but he was just plain rude from the start.”

“And by a little snippy you mean you were a total asshole?” Phasma smiles and sits back on the little beige couch. 

“But this doesn't give him the right to break chairs and attack me.”

“And what else did you expect? It's fuckin' Kylo Ren. You had that coming.” she teases him, but in a friendly way.

“That's victim blaming.” Hux proclaims.

They stare at each other for a second, then snort and snicker together. Few people in the coffee shop look at them for a moment before they go back to their own matters. Hux needed it so much, this little place, and stupid drinks and the time he could relax with his old friend. Phasma has that effect on him, he becomes less tense around her. The place is also pleasant, dimly lit and cozy. Despite the whole glass of iced coffee he feels sleepy.   
He thinks about the elementary school and how Phasma sort of protected him there. Without her, he was alone, just another lonely, scrawny child whose hair color was so funny for some reason. Thankfully this changed in middle school, where he'd learned how to survive by himself.   
Her voice pulls him out of his memories.

“Ahhhh I need to start serious trainings with the team when I get back there.”

Phasma is the captain of school's soccer team. Hux hates sports but cares about the local events because of her, he usually goes to the matches to cheer for Phasma's team with his colleagues, even if he gets bored after ten minutes. Since Phasma became the captain they couldn't hang out together as often as they used to. He'd never admit that but he partially hates the team for that.

“There's a match in two months, right?”

“Yeah with the New Republic High, I heard their team is pretty good.”

“That's the school Ren got kicked out from before he crawled up here.” Hux says more lively.

“Yep. I see that he certainly fascinates you, he's all you're talking about today.” she smiles.

“ Pfff... Fascinates me. I'd like to know something about the person I'm living with, like if he's not an actual psychopath for example. I did a little research today that's all.”

“And what did you find?”

“Meh. He wasn't diagnosed with anything, doesn't have any papers stating that in school anyway. They expelled him due to some serious act of violence though. He'd beaten up several kids there during one of his tantrums it appears, I couldn't find many more details. I'd have to speak with them personally, but I don't feel like doing an investigation on why Kylo Ren is fucked up.”

“Well that's rough.”

“Yeah.” Hux finishes his drink. “Wanna eat something? Cafeteria food is nasty.”

“Yeah sure, if you're paying.”

When Hux comes back Ren's still not in the room, It's almost 7 pm and they are closing the dorm at 10pm. Hux sighs with relief, his plan won't be as hard to realize as he thought it would be. He puts the shopping bag on his bed, pulls off the ugly turtleneck and puts the damn thing in the darkest corner of his closet. Phasma and him went to the supermarket and the furniture shop for all the stuff Hux needed after they ate some Chinese food. He pulls a roll of black insulating tape out of the bag. He has less than three hours for this and doesn't know when Kylo will return so he gets started right away.

Hux is changing the hospital sheets to the ones he bought when Ren enters the room looking very tired as if he was running the whole evening. The ginger tenses and waits for his reaction in full alert. Ren stops in the middle of the room and stares at Hux's work with shock that turns into disbelief then into frown. His fist clench again, jaw goes tense.

“What the hell is this?!” he asks loudly.

There is a straight, thick line made of the black tape that starts on the windowsill, runs down the heater and splits the floor in half dividing the room. Right half is perfectly ordered, all books are placed in even stack on the double desk, a laptop is laying right in the middle of the one half of it, fresh clothes are folded neatly on the chair waiting for tomorrow, not a single dust can be found on the floor. Everything that littered the room before is pushed to the other side and piled up there, making the floor barely visible from underneath. Hux has also rearranged the furniture. He moved the double desk closer to the window making more room for the bed that is now touching the wall on the right. One of the wardrobes now stands where the bed used to be earlier, right next to the door. The broken chair is nowhere to be seen. 

“It's the new order here. As I said yesterday; you respect my space and I respect yours.” Hux's vice is calm and clear, Phasma is right, he won't provoke him this time. “This is my half of the room, and this is your half of the room. You keep all your shit there.” he points on the left side.”I don't care as long as it won't start crawling to my half. I'm not going away from here, so we have to start living with each other like civilized people. Just stay away from my half, that's all.”

While he's making that statement, Kylo approaches him with two angry steps invading Hux's personal space again. The ginger boy wonders if Ren is able to wrap his mind on the concept of personal space at all. He looks him in the eyes like before, with no expression on his face.

“Why do you get to have the big desk on your half?” Ren asks with irritation.

“You have two beds so I'm taking two desks, it's nothing but fair share.” Hux shrugs. “I'm glad we have this settled, now if you'll excuse me...” 

Hux goes silent when Ren reaches for his neck again. He stiffens, but doesn't break the eye contact. Nothing happens though, Kylo's hand just rests there, touching the bruises it inflicted yesterday. His fingers move over the marks as if he wanted to match them, return to the spots they damaged. 

“I'll go and take a shower before I'll have to wait an hour in the queue.” he says with the same flat voice with Ren's hand still placed on his throat.

After those words Kylo inhales sharply and frowns, but doesn't tighten the grip. Hux swallows hard. Ren's rough skin is hot, feverish almost. He feels something heavy sinking down in his gut, and with every passing second he wants to push the large palm away more and more. That's what Ren wants to see him do though, so he stops himself from reacting, controls his own breath, keeping it steady.

“Why are you like this?” Ren's voice is strangely quiet and low, it turns into a hiss at the end of the question.

“Like what?”

They stare at each other silently for a while, Ren looks like he was searching for the right words somewhere in his warped mind. His mouth twitches slightly and brows furrow a bit, before he withdraws his hand and turns away from Hux.

“Never mind.” he sounds tired and disappointed.

Hux observes at him as he makes his way to the bed and collapses on the mattresses face down with his combat boots still on. The ginger boy blinks in confusion as he tries to understand what was that all about. He takes his towel, shampoo and soap as well as his pajamas, then leaves the room. 

He groans when he sees the queue already forming there. He'll most likely spend the next twenty minutes in it. He wears flip flops he just bought to be safe from ringworm or any other nasty stuff.   
He remembers yesterday's evening and how he was completely horrified by the fact that there are only three stalls with curtains instead of normal doors. The giant puddle full of hair on the floor grossed him out so much, and he had to walk through it barefoot. Hux wasn't used to public showers and he felt so exposed and insecure with only thin curtain separating him from other people. That was certainly the quickest shower he'd taken in his whole life.  
When Hux is half way through the queue, that is now twice as long as it was, he hears a fuss behind him. He turns his head back and sees the alarmed crowd moving away from Ren who has stormed inside. They escape from him as he enters the part of the bathroom the showers are in and leans against the wall startling everybody besides Hux. He wears only a pair of loose black sweatpants. Hux's eyes widen when his gaze meets Rens torso. His shoulders are much wider than they appeared under his black clothes, his arms are muscular and there is a visible indication of a damn eight pack on his stomach. No wonder he had him pinned like a butterfly to the floor yesterday. When one of the boys leaves the shower Ren takes his place without the queue or any protest from the person who had waited for it. Hux sighs and rubs his temple after watching this show. 

When he's finally clean, wearing the pair of black briefs and loose, gray tank top that were his pajamas, he enters the room again to find Ren already under his pile of blankets. The fact that he didn't have to wait in the queue was surely convenient. Hux realizes he didn't finish changing the sheets. He fixes that and crawls into his bed that feels nice now, without those horrible sheets they gave him here. He hears Ren breathing across the room, the next thing he isn't used to, back at home there is always a perfect silence when he closes his eyes and falls asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, Hux calls Phasma "P", and Phasma has a bunch of nicknames for him like Huxy.   
> The next chapter will be in Ren's pov. I'll be swithing between them, but without any pattern planned so far. Rey, Finn and Poe will appear somewhere in the background in the future.


	3. Not so fragile

Ren.  
The building is empty. It's familiar but somehow different, bigger and colder, everything has a blue tint here. There's thin layer of hoarfrost covering everything inside, making the tall windows impossible to see through. Ben's footsteps echo through the hall; he doesn't remember how long he's been there. He's in the New Republic High, but why is he alone? He wants to get out of there, but the building seems to have no end. There is an identical corridor around the corner, all the classrooms are closed. He runs, he feels like he's being watched, everything inside him gets as cold as the air around him, panic starts to take over his mind. He calls out to Him for help. He has to leave. He's lost, he doesn't remember the structure he finds himself in. He yells, asks for the right way, but there is nothing but echo of his own voice.  
Ren.  
He turns around and sees a person in the shadow. He can't see this man's face but his blue eyes are piercing him. He sees them clearly, the disappointment and sorrow in them crushes him, makes him want to cry. He runs downstairs to get away from the figure, to hide from his judgemental gaze. He cries for help, but there is no answer. He trips over something, it's a child laying on the ground, not moving. He knows this child. When he lifts his head he's no longer in the hall. He's outside, on the playing field, there are more children, teenagers actually and that bigger thing. It looms over and surrounds him, he can't escape. It's dark, he can't get out.  
Ren!  
REN!

“REN WAKE UP!”

Kylo's eyes fly open and he rapidly jerks up from the mattress. He gasps and looks around disoriented, he's in the dormitory, it's not dark anymore, somebody turned the light on. The panic slowly fades. The eyes that look at him aren't blue, but green and there's irritation in them, not disappointment. 

“What the fuck, Ren, you were screaming.” says Hux roughly.”You woke me up you idiot, can't you even sleep normally? Of course you can't.” he sneers.

His hand is still on Kylo's shoulder, he had to have shaken him out of his nightmare. He has to remember about it resting there, because he withdraws it quickly. Kylo is still relieved from being taken out of the terror, but then realizes it's damn Hux. He feels a wave of heat going through him, concentrating in his fists and head, but somehow dimmed. He's still half asleep.

“Fuck off!” 

Kylo pushes Hux away, making him almost fall to the floor, and angrily turns his back on him. He hears some quiet curs ewords, and then rustle on the other bed. 

 

The halls are too crowded. There are days when Kylo can't stand being around people and this is one of them. It's because of what happened last night. He sits by the wall pulling his hands over his knees, detaching himself from everybody with the music in his headphones. People are keeping their distance when they walk past him, like they should be. They are all afraid of him and it makes Kylo feel confident. He doesn't need them anyway. Besides, nobody would understand him. They are too simple, too ordinary, just talking about school, parties, their insignificant problems like a mean comment on Facebook or a breakup. And they are gossiping of course. His fight with Hux, or rather, him beating the crap out of that asshole, have been on everybody's lips for the last week. Just the memory of it was filling him with anger, humming somewhere inside him. If Hux had fled from his fury like everybody else he'd be fine, but no. Hux had been impassive to all of his efforts to intimidate him. Can he even be afraid? Does he feel anything at all? He's so emotionless and calculated, more a machine than a human. He just radiates with cold, it's like he had been absorbing all the warmth in the room when he sat there with Kylo. This makes him feel uneasy, and that uneasiness drives him crazy. At first Kylo just wanted to reclaim his territory and make Hux move out, but now it's more than just that. He wants to break this mask of his, make him yell, or cry, or bare his teeth in fury, to stop being so perfectly collected and stiff. There was a short moment when the dorm woman tried to touch him, when his face changed, that one short second, uncontrolled recoil, slight tremble in his voice. Why could this woman achieve what Kylo couldn't? The quiet method didn't work either, Hux didn't even flinch under Kylo's hand threatening to start choking him again in any second.  
The image of Hux trying to recoil when he touched him is satisfying and feels him with determination to make that happen. Kylo would then catch him, make him jolt, and pin him to the ground again. Hux would writhe under him trying squirm out of his grasp, maybe he would try to fight him, but he's far too weak and fragile for that. Then Kylo would hit him until he'd cry and beg him to stop, with blood, tears and snot mixed on his stupid face. He'd stop and take a picture of that high-and-mighty Hux reduced to a trembling mess sobbing on the floor fidgeting with Kylo's every move like a small frightened animal.  
Kylo almost smiles at the vision that is like balm for his frustration. This gratification doesn't last long, because perfectly fresh and collected Hux walks from around the corner. He doesn't put his bruised neck on display today, wearing a button up beige shirt under light brown sweater. His bruises had almost faded already anyway. Kylo looks at him with distaste. He's followed by a bunch of other students, who are laughing about something. Hux and his little flock, a herd of hyenas, going to torment some freshmen in the toilet most probably, like this was some sort of ritual in every school. What if one of them was a strong one, and got furious enough to show them their place and beat them all up? He would certainly get expelled. Maybe he would go to the New Republic High, that would be an irony. The bell breaks Kylo out of his thoughts.

He always eats lunch alone. It's warm enough to sit outside, away from everybody else. He watches the football team training on the playing field. There is supposed to be a match with his old school soon. He'd never paid much attention to what teachers were saying during classes, he had slept during math and geography just few minutes ago. His grades are average, but it's fine, he doesn't plan to go to any college anyway. Somebody approaches, he hears footsteps behind him and wants that person to go away before he even knows who that is. He turns around frowning already but doesn't do anything else. It's Phasma. They've talked few times.

“Hey.” she greets him, but doesn't get an answer, so she continues.”So you are living with Hux now.”

Great, now she's here probably to defend her little friend, and Kylo thought Phasma was on his side. Kylo makes a grunting noise, he doesn't have the nerve for this.

“Yeah, and what? Did he send you here?” he asks through clenched teeth. 

“No?” Phasma says it like Kylo has just offended her. She shakes her head. “I mean, I wanted to tell you that I know he's insufferable sometimes.”

Kylo doesn't know what to say, this isn't what he expected, it's exact opposite. He feels some weird warmth hingle in him when he looks up at her. He opens his mouth but nothing comes out and he just awkwardly stares at her. He averts his gaze when she chuckles.

“You thought that I'm one of his thugs? Please, I've known him for too long, and I know that he can be an asshole.” she smiles but more to herself than Kylo. “I also know that you are trying to get rid of him, but I can assure you that he's determined to stay there enough to endure getting choked on a daily basis. Just let go.”

“And? Why should I tolerate him being a little shit? He can't just walk in and order me around! I just... can't control myself when he does that.”

“He treats this like a game. Just don't play with him, don't give him an excuse to provoke you further. He can be difficult to live with, but doesn't have to. Remember that.” she says and leaves before Kylo manages to say anything.

He doesn't feel like eating anymore. “Doesn't have to.” What the hell did she mean? Kylo can't imagine how they could get along, how someone like Hux could possibly understand him? He is popular, has rich parents, top grades and a lot of friends. He lives with zero problems, there's nothing that keeps him up at night, nobody laughs at him behind his back. There is always somebody supporting him, like Phasma for example. He must have had everything he wanted anytime he wanted, always having someone getting things done for him. Kylo hated him for that, how he'd bossed him around from the second he entered the room for the first time. It was most probably the first time when he hadn't have his ass licked. How could somebody with such an idyllic life understand Kylo, who was always lonely? Different from birth, understood by nobody, not even his parents who were arguing all the time and tried to make him become somebody else.  
Kylo feels his phone vibrating in his pocket and looks at the notifications right away. He has one message from Snoke. He hasn't talked to him since that day Hux moved in. Kylo asked Snoke for advice on how to get rid of him when he was finishing with his clothes.

Snoke: Did you do everything I said? Did you show him your worst?

KyloxR3n: yes. I choked him and hit him in the face. the other way around, actually and I tried the quiet method too. nothing works on him, idk he just stares at me

Snoke: Maybe this one is more difficult to intimidate than we thought. Perhaps you have to get on a whole new level. Try something new, more brutal, he had to have heard about what you are capable of, and what to expect from you.

KyloxR3n: ok, I can do this, I think

Snoke: Good. Remember, you are the one with power here. He is insignificant simpleton, just another cog in the machine. Show him that you have no boundaries, that he should be afraid of you like you showed those who harassed you before.

Then Snoke goes offline. Kylo doesn't know where Snoke lives, but it had to be far away, because the only hours when he could talk to him longer were early in the morning. Kylo met him once online, on some forum that doesn't even exist anymore, when he was thirteen and looked for some nasty way to get revenge on kids who made him drink water from the toilet. Snoke is the only person who sees him as he is and doesn't want to change him. What's more, he taught him how to use his emotions to be stronger instead calling him oversensitive crybaby. Thanks to him, he learned how to channel his fury and use it in his favor, changing it into pure energy that makes him feel like he has fire in his veins. Snoke also taught Kylo that he can reforge any of his emotions, which made him weak earlier into anger, his fuel. Snoke also sees potential in him, he says that all great people are outsiders, because everybody who surrounds them is just too simple to understand them. That regular people fear people like him and envy them deeply inside, and that's why they try to make them feel worthless. That those people who have always been bullying him will stop if he shows them how strong he is. That nobody will try to do it ever again, and after the New Republic High no one did.  
He tosses his leftover food into the trashcan and goes back inside. Three more boring lessons and he'll be free.

When he returns to the room Hux is already there, sitting in front of his laptop with pair of large headphones on his head. Kylo thought he will be out on some party because it's Friday evening. Hux looks at him with remnants of something that could be a smile on his face, but his eyes are cold. 

“Ah it's you.” he says and turns back to the screen.

He reminds Kylo of a lizard, or snake, or some other kind of cold-blooded reptile. Hux is only few inches shorter than Kylo, but seems much smaller, Kylo can't really wrap his mind around how anybody can be so scrawny and function properly. He just looks weird, willowy and out of proportion, his head seems too big compared to his shoulder width. When he pushed him against the wall the first day, Hux was light as a feather, almost seemed like nothing under Kylo's hands. Kylo doesn't reply and goes straight to his bed when he sees that there's more cables around the desk than usually. Since Hux made the line on the floor they stayed on their halves basically ignoring each other for most of the time. Hux had given Kylo some stupid remarks when he had accidentally dropped something on his pristine floor. When they were talking to each other it was just bickering in most cases.

“It's my roommate.” Hux says.

“What” Kylo lifts his head from the mattress and raises his eyebrows in confusion.

“I wasn't talking to you” he replies dryly. “Wha- No, he isn't.” he snorts. “We're the same age. His name is Ren by the way.” 

“Who are you talking to?”

“I'm streaming.” Hux says with eyes still on the screen.

“You what?” 

Now Kylo notices the microphone standing on the desk and a webcam. That's why there's more wires than usual. Hux is focused on the screen, he slightly frowns and snorts again like he had heard or read something ridiculous. His fingers dance over the keyboard remarkably fast.

“People are watching me playing a game live.” he answers. “Uh-uh, apparently he doesn't know what that means. My theory is, that his parents kept him in the basement, but he broke free recently.” he says to the camera again.

“I know what this means!” Kylo bridles and rises up.

He moves closer to the double desk that is almost touching his bed now, leans on its surface and looks over Hux's shoulder. He notices how Hux quickly hides the chat from him. Kylo sees that Hux started a new round of his game already. He doesn't know much about gaming, and can't recognize what game it is, but he thinks it's some kind of a multiplayer. There are many little creatures running on the screen and fighting with each other. There are also some windows at the bottom. It's overwhelming for him, everything happens so fast and he doesn't know what's going on.

“How do you know what are you controlling?” he asks still trying to solve this mystery himself.

Hux just snorts in answer, and swears under his breath when something goes wrong. Kylo has seen some gamers online and they have been usually overreacting. Hux is calm as always, although Kylo can see his determination. 

“What is this anyway?” Kylo asks again.

“Starcraft.” 

“Why did you hide the chat? What did they say?”

“Oh my god Ren,” he starts but something draws all his attention and he doesn't finish. “Besides they can hear you right now, idiot.” Hux continues and points at the microphone with his head.

Kylo hits him in the shoulder for that, but without the real force. It causes Hux to press wrong keys or something, because he swears loudly and pushes Kylo away from him.

“Go back to your half!” He barks still focused on the screen. “You're distracting me.”

Kylo sits on his bed and watches him. After few minutes he turns on his own laptop, not even nearly as strong as Hux's, and plugs in his speakers. He opens music player and blasts one of the Linkin Park songs he had on his drive since middle school. He watches Hux and feels satisfaction when his face slightly changes; he frowns and his lips form a thin line.

“Can you turn that down a little bit?” Hux asks through the teeth.

“I can't hear you!” Kylo replies and smirks.

Hux moves the mic closer to him and speaks louder to it. Kylo turns back to his own computer and searches for Hux's channel. He noticed it's called Huxx. Just Hux with two 'x's, probably because “Hux” was taken, it's so uncreative, but what else could he expect from this simpleton. Kylo finds it and reads the chat that is laughing at Hux's poor music taste currently.

“It's Ren's music not mine.” he says to the chat. “No I don't enjoy it either. He has the brain of a middle school kid, so I'm not surprised, really. REN TURN THIS SHIT DOWN! People can't hear what I'm saying!”

Kylo's smile grows wider when he blasts his music on the full volume and looks back at Hux. He looks unimpressed, but stares at Kylo not the screen. Now the chat just laughs and mocks Hux, then somebody says that Ren looks like a horse, so Kylo closes the tab. Hux continues playing his game without commenting the music anymore.

It was fun at the start, but without further reactions from Hux, Kylo gets bored quickly. He realizes that the ginger has beaten him at his own game and gets frustrated again. He kind of hoped that Hux would try to turn the music off himself, disconnect the speakers, anything, but he remained indifferent as always. Kylo closes his laptop, puts on his chucks and storms out of the room. It's not gym day, but he might go run a little bit to clear his mind and think about what Snoke has told him. He chooses to run towards the small forest near the dorm. He could beat Hux up in front of his webcam, so his audience could see him humiliated, but scratches that idea. The awareness of people watching him would probably make Hux even more impassive, and he could use people who witnessed that against Ren. Besides Kylo somehow felt it has to be just between the two of them. Maybe use a knife? But he couldn't damage the bastard too much.  
He couldn't really think about anything better than choking, and by the time he stands in the dorm again he doesn't have any plans. He presses on the doorknob but the door doesn't want to open.

“Hux, open the goddamn door!” he yells.

There's silence, but Kylo doesn't believe that Hux went out. He hits the door few times with his fist.

“OPEN RIGHT NOW YOU FUCKIN' NERD!”

“Fuck you, Ren!” Hux shouts from the other side.

Everything inside Ren starts to tremble, it's like a spark that ignites something in him, sets one cell on fire, that spreads devouring them all, turning him into a wild, uncontrolled force people feared so much. Kylo's clenching fists feel hot, all his muscles become rigid, his vision tunnels for a second. Something more brutal, right? He knows exactly what to do now, he'll show that asshole the true Kylo Ren. He takes a step back and a deep breath first, and he kicks the door with all the force he has. It makes a loud noise, but the door still stays shut. There is a crack in it though. Kylo kicks it again and this time it break open with loud crack. He almost jumps inside focusing on Hux, ready to tear him into pieces. He's standing in the middle of the room, slightly bent forward like he was waiting for Kylo. Ren leaps at him, wants to catch him, but his arms close around the air as Hux makes quick dodge and disappears from his field of view. Kylo turns around, sees the ginger hair and then there is just pure agony. Suddenly the floor is too close, touching his face. He sees Hux's feet in front of him before his vision goes black. He wakes up on his bed surrounded by the staff with his head throbbing with pain, feeling like it was about to split in two. Hux is still in the room with them, sitting by the desk with the other dorm employee. There is a chair leg laying on the floor, in the place where he tried to assault the ginger boy. He had to have hit him with it and knocked him unconscious, he had to have kept it as a goddamn weapon. The staff takes him down to the office when he's able to walk.

He shambles back to his room from the office where they had given him a lecture as soon as he was able to stand on his feet again. They called his parents, warned them, that if there will be one more incident like that they'll kick him out of here. His mother and father are going to pay for the chair and the door now. He sees Hux when he arrives. The ginger boy is standing on the chair, dressed in his gray tank top already, with the standard white linen sheet in his hands in front of the hole in the wall where the door was. Kylo walks past him quietly and collapses onto his bed, he doesn't have energy for anything. He silently watches Hux, who tapes the sheet to the wall above the doorpost, with the same black tape the line is made of, creating a curtain that will give them at least some privacy. When he finishes he puts the chair in it's place by the double desk, and approaches Kylo. He's going to mock him now, Kylo just curls on the blankets turning away, hiding his face from Hux. He feels too defeated for doing anything else right now. His face is wet again.

“Is your head ok? I mean... you don't have a concussion or anything?” Hux doesn't sound like he's making fun of him, but not like he's concerned either. It's his regular flat voice, but somehow more hollow than usual.

Kylo shakes his head slowly, because if he spoke, his voice would come out broken and shaky. He wipes his face in the sheet and thinks that this is not what somebody strong looks like.

“Um ok. I won't be sleeping today and I'm going to watch over my stuff so I guess your stuff too.” Hux says, still in the same voice and leaves him. 

The light goes out and Kylo hears Hux moving his sheets and placing himself on his creaking bed. He turns around to look at him. The ginger boy sits cross legged with the quilt pulled over his head and narrow, bony shoulders with his laptop. How could somebody who looks so delicate have knocked him unconscious? The pale light from the screen illuminates his face which is expressionless as always. Kylo can hear him writing something quickly. He thinks about what is he going to tell Snoke, if he's going to tell him anything about this. It appears that Hux can actually take care of himself and wasn't so weak after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Get rekt  
> It will take some time before they will start to love and kiss each other.


	4. When it rains, it pours

The bed feels so soft. Hux is awake, but doesn't want to get up yet. He turns on his back, still under his blanket, and stretches with his eyes closed. He always lets himself sleep longer on the weekends, and today he feels like lazing around. Besides, he doesn't hear Ren in the room, so he's either sleeping or out. Hux caught his roommate staring at him few times, thinking that he was asleep. Two months have passed since he started living in the dormitory; everybody who had bet that Hux will move out had lost long time ago. He got used to it, kind of. It still didn't feel quite like home or the place he belonged, but it wasn't bad. His father has been transferring money every month for dorm fees and other stuff he needed. Hux spent it too fast in September, so by the end of it he had to eat cafeteria food. In October he became more careful. He hasn't seen or talked to his father since he signed the papers. With Ren things have become better as well. They didn't fight after that time when Ren broke the door and Hux stunned him. That moment when Ren fell on the floor unconscious Hux freaked out for a second, thinking he accidentally killed him. Staff took the chair leg away after that instance, so Hux was glad that there hadn't been another occasion when it could come in handy. After that night, his number of subscriptions doubled, and there were relatively more viewers on his streams. The last thing they saw back then was Hux yelling 'fuck you, Ren!', then loud hit that made the door shake, Hux's face going white, him grabbing the leg and shutting the laptop closed. He even stopped lying to himself, that they weren't watching him for the drama. It got less intense though. Recently Ren has became more distant to him, they have rarely talked with each other, staying on their halves, never crossing the line. Ren even stopped littering on Hux's floor to irritate him. When he was in the room, he mostly stayed in his blanket nest with his computer or sketchbook, forever brooding. Sometimes they bickered, but it became more of the routine thing. Hux even got used to his presence. He yawns and reaches for his phone to see what time is it. 11:30 am. Hux has the feeling that he forgot about something, he rubs his eyes and stares at the screen again, and there it is; 'you have one event today: match with New Republic High'. The damn match, it starts at 12 am. It's already 11:30. Hux curses loudly, jumps out of the bed, grabs his things and storms out of the room to brush his teeth. He had to have forgotten about setting the alarm yesterday, he never does that on Fridays. The bathroom is empty, there are only six people staying in the dorm for the weekends besides him and Ren, the rest go home. Hux runs back to the room with his face and hair still wet, towel is hanging over his shoulders. There's no time for assembling a new outfit, so he takes the clothes that were out of the closet already and quickly puts them on without thinking. He doesn't even bother with all the buttons of his shirt. It looks cold outside and like it is about to rain, so Hux puts on his warm, black woolen coat, and leaves, closing the door that is different from the rest on this floor behind him.

He arrives to the sports hall five minutes before the match begins. It's being held inside due to the bad weather, but it's big enough for the teams to play comfortably, and it has stands so people can watch. Hux doesn't know the place very well, so on top of everything he gets lost. He couldn't care less about soccer, but since he has won the student body president elections his presence was kind of required. He had to show how much he cares about the school events and engage himself in them as much as possible. He sees Phasma's team members so he has to be in right place. There is the captain herself just around the corner, talking to Mitaka in front of the changing rooms.

“Maybe he's sick, I'll call to him. He should already be here.” Phasma says with a bit of concern. 

“I'm here!” Hux rushes to them.”Sorry, I overslept and then got lost here. Where is the entrance to the actual field? God, this place is a maze.”

Phasma is wearing a black t-shirt with white stripes on the sides and school emblem on the left sleeve, her number and 'Phasma' is written in thick white font on the back. Her loose shorts have matching design and color, she's also wearing thick, white, knee high socks. Her shoes are bright red and shiny though, some model specially designed for soccer, Hux doesn't know which one it could be. Dopheld Mitaka looks even shorter than he really is next to her. He's a freshman, but he got accepted to be a part of student council, like Hux during his first year here. The time when they had first met was rather unpleasant to Mitaka, because Hux's gang closed him in a locker. He earned some respect in the council though, and somehow he became a part of the Hux's crew. Probably because he was always so eager to do homework and other stuff for them. He jumps a little when the ginger boy approaches, and his face goes slightly pink. He is always so twitchy and stressed out, looking nervously around, often stuttering when he speaks. 

“Good, we're starting soon. You've changed your hair?” Phasma tilts her head a bit.

Hux didn't have time for combing his hair and styling it with gel to keep it neatly parted and slicked back. Now it just falls freely over his forehead and ears, it grew a lot in those last two months during which he hasn't seen a hairdresser. It's also fluffy as hell without any hair products. He runs his fingers through the ginger mess nervously, trying to fix it as much as he can, but it doesn't want to stay in place.

“No, no, the fluff suits you.” she gives him a big smile and ruffles his hair. “Dopheld will show you the way to the stands. The rest of crew is there already.”

Hux groans quietly as Phasma messes his hair more. Mitaka makes some sort of gasping sound as he watches them. 

“Well, good luck with your game. I'll be watching with no idea what am I looking at, as always.” Hux snorts.

“Their team seems confident, but we'll beat their asses. They are mostly freshmen and seem unorganized. Just cheer when others do and shout a lot, show that our president is enthusiastic.”

“Yeah, you know how I love to put up a good show.” Hux presents his charming smile no.5 and chuckles. “See you later then.”

When Hux turns to Mitaka he gets even more flustered and averts his gaze. 

“Well, lead the way.” 

“Ok, yeah, it's upstairs, here, this way...” Mitaka manages to say, with a great difficulty.

Hux follows the shorter boy upstairs, to the top of the stands. From there spotting the gang is easy, because they have a big banner with them, which is held by Trekk and Wan, the two beefcakes. Hux walks up to them and sits under the banner next to Thanisson. He's only a year younger than Hux but has face of a twelve year old. They start some small talk about the teams and possible outcome of the match. While Thanisson is talking, Hux mostly nods. Mitaka sits in the row behind them silently. The stands are divided in half; the New Republic high side and their side.  
The teams enter the field below and the whole audience starts cheering. Hux stands up as well and does what the others do around him. The opponents are dressed in bright orange t-shirts, but the rest of their outfits varies, while Phasma's team's clothes are all the same, like uniforms. Hux is glad about that, because they are easy to distinguish, unlike that time when both teams were wearing black and Hux had trouble with knowing who should he cheer for. There is a whistle, the match starts and Hux gets bored after ten minutes. He sees people running after the ball, what's so exciting about this? He doesn't even know half of the rules, so he mimics what Thanisson and the rest of the gang is doing all the time. He also watches the people around him. For example he spots that boy, who left their school and moved to the New Republic, Finn if he recalls correctly. He sits on the other side with some other boy, quite attractive actually, very attractive actually, and a young girl, freshman probably. Her hair is in three small buns, this hairstyle is so unusual that draws everybody's attention. Hux feels the short hair on his neck stand as he realizes that somebody is also watching him. He turns around and sees Ren at the top of the stands, staring at him with those dark eyes. Hux doesn't know what he could be up to, besides ruining his already difficult day. He doesn't believe that Ren is interested in soccer. Hux frowns at him, and the black haired boy leaves. He runs his fingers nervously through his hair. He thinks about Kylo and can't help but notice how his gaze makes him feel the chills going down his spine. It had been two months, he should get used to it, but the feeling was actually getting more intense. The same with his voice, it was so low and had some kind of electric tone, that was making something inside Hux tremble, it was impossible not to listen when he spoke. Good thing they haven't been talking much recently, Hux can't stand that feeling, what's more, he hates the fact that it is Ren, who makes him feel it. He shakes those thoughts off and tries to focus on the game, but it's so boring. Exactly, he's so bored that he even starts to think about Kylo Ren. Thanisson gives Hux the look when he groans with frustration and rubs his eyes. 

Finally there is a break. So far there is a draw 2:2, Hux doesn't really care if they win or lose at this point. He wants to go somewhere else. Phasma is sitting on the bench near the playing field and drinking water. She smiles at Hux when he approaches.

“How are you doing?” he asks.

“Well good, I was just getting started, now the real game begins.” she grins. “They seem to get cocky, but also more tired, we will crush them now, you'll see. If you don't fall asleep earlier.” she adds when Hux yawns, he doesn't answer that so she continues. “Anyway, have you seen that girl?”

“Which girl?”

“The one with three buns.” Phasma says that like it should be obvious to him.

“Ah that girl. Yeah, I have. What, do you like her?” Hux smirks.

“Maybe.” she replies, also with a smile. “Have you seen where she's gone? I don't see her anywhere here.”

“No, sorry. I'm gonna go catch some fresh air. See ya.”

“Just don't get lost again!” Phasma calls while she goes back to her team to discuss the tactics.

This time it takes Hux less time to find the way, he leaves the building through one of the back doors, and pulls out a pack of cigarettes out of his coat. He used to smoke occasionally at parties when somebody was sharing, but since there was nobody to care about the smell of smoke on his clothes and hair he started to do it more often. It became a habit already, Hux likes how the thin smudge makes him relax. He exhales the smoke from his lungs and leans against the wall. This time he got the menthol ones, which leave a fresh taste in his mouth and smell nice. He closes his eyes, rests his head against the wall as well, and thinks about how angry his father would be. He has never actually shown any signs of rage, but Hux knew that this one particular kind of deadly silence from him means wrath. Or perhaps it would be the other kind, the one that means disappointment, followed by a stare that could freeze an active volcano. Probably the second. There was never a single cigarette in Hux's home, or alcohol, or any other stuff like that, Hux was raised in a good family. Smoking, and the awareness that his father would be mad at him if he found out is oddly satisfying to him. He doesn't feel the adrenaline, like the time when he drank alcohol for the first time, or when he had lied about going to parties, when he sneaked his way to the bathroom as fast as he could to brush his teeth and eliminate the smell of vodka. Back then he was a good daddy's boy, now the situation has changed. Somebody clears their throat and Hux's eyes fly open. He stiffens and straights his back into the perfect posture. It's just Mitaka with a terribly red face.

“Umm... I- I was looking for you...” Dopheld stutters. “Trekk wants something from you and sent me.”

Hux knows that asking him for what reason Trekk wants to see him is pointless so he finishes his cigarette quickly and stomps on it's end. 

“Ok, let's go then.” he says to Mitaka, who is staring at his own shoes.

The corridor is empty when they go back in the building, and lit with the cold light of glow-tubes. They can hear their own footsteps echoing through the hall. The second half of the match has probably begun already. They pass through another glazed door and are just about to turn and go upstairs when they hear somebody around the corner, further into the corridor where the locker rooms are. Hux puts index finger on his lips, commanding Mitaka to stay quiet as they both listen.

“You could have just told me, you know?! How was I supposed to know what was going inside of you head?!” yells some male voice, which Hux doesn't know.

“Shut the fuck up! It's not your goddamn business anymore what I felt for you back then! You wouldn't understand anyway!” It's Ren, and his voice is shaking with rage. “THIS IS MY PLACE NOW!!!”

This sentence echoes through the corridor heralding the upcoming trouble. It has to be somebody from the other school, concluding from what Ren has just said. If Hux doesn't do something it'll most likely end with a fight, and there will be nobody to stop it. On the other hand why should he care in the first place? If Mitaka won't tell anything, and Hux is sure about that, and they just leave, there will be nobody to blame him for not reacting. Ren beats the shit out of that boy, the end, nobody sees anything. Something pulls him closer to the argument however.

“Go, get the rest.” Hux whispers quickly to Mitaka and turns around.

Hux walks from around the corner and sees Ren with his shoulders squared and hands clenched in fists. He's yelling at that boy that had been sitting with Finn earlier. He has quite muscular arms as well but is a lot shorter than Ren. Kylo starts to flanks him and looks like he's about to hit him in any second now.

“I was never your enemy Ben, most of us weren't. We wanted to be friends with you, but you simply didn't let us!” the shorter boy shouts and grits his teeth, his eyes widen when he sees Hux from behind Ren.

“Ren, leave him alone.” says Hux in loud, firm voice.

He tightly grips Ren's shoulder, digging his fingernails in warm flesh through the fabric of taller boy's shirt. All Ren's muscles are rigid, he's shaking, Hux can feel it under his palm. Kylo shifts a little when he feels his hold, but doesn't turn around to face him.

“This is not you business, Hux. What the hell do you want?” Ren growls through his teeth.

“I want you to come with me and stop this bullshit right now.” 

“Your family loves you, Ben. Why are you so blind?” says the New Republic boy.

“YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT MY FAMILY!!!” Ren's ragged scream makes him step back. “You don't know how they have treated me! Besides If you wanted to be friends with me why didn't you helped me, Poe?!” he spits his name with disdain. “Where have you all been, hmmm?! All those good people, who just wanted to be friends?!” His breath catches, he sounds like a lunatic. “Why are you so silent, Poe? BECAUSE IT'S ALL FUCKIN' BULLSHIT AND YOU FUCKIN' KNOW IT!!!

“HEY STOP IT!” They hear the fourth voice.

It's coming from the other side of the corridor, where they see Finn, running up to them. He stops right next to Poe when he sees the embodiment of the pure fury that Ren is becoming.

“Leave him alone!” he adds less confidently. “You too, asshole.” he speaks to Hux this time.

“Oh, hi. Traitor.” Hux replies flatly. “Ren, this is enough, we all know you have problems, but let's just go now.” his voice becomes stern when he talks to Ren.

“The thing is, he DOESN'T have any problems! I don't know what he told you about his family, but they are not bad people!” Poe exhales sharply through his mouth. “They love you Ben! They want you to come back! They don't deserve what you're pulling them through.”

“SHUT UP!” Ren barks, but Poe doesn't stop.

“People have it worse than you, you know? Your parents aren't alcoholics, they've never done any harm to you! What are supposed to say those children who get beat up by their drunk father?! Or kicked out of their houses?! And you just kicked yourself out!” 

“SHUT UUUUP!!!” Ren yellls and jerks away from Huxs hand. He does just one step forward however, so Hux fixes his grip quickly, clutching Ren's shoulder even tighter this time.

More of the New Republic students come from around the corner and stand behind Finn and Poe as he speaks. Hux sees that girl with three buns in the little crowd that's forming. He hears rushed footsteps behind him as well, it's Mitaka with the whole gang. They don't have anybody nearly as hefty as Trekk and Wan, so technically they have the upper hand in this, but still. The gang will have to fight against the New Republic and Ren, who most likely will turn into wild animal, which will hurt everybody near him. If Hux doesn't do something to end this now, the effects will be tragic. He feels anxiety twisting his guts and takes a deep breath to clear his mind, he's the only relatively composed person here and he needs to keep this up to solve this situation. Ren needs to be calmed down somehow. He has to think, what could that emotional wreck want to hear?

“Yes, some people have it worse that him,” Hux starts, drawing Poe's attention. “But he has never experienced any of it, he doesn't have the reference point. He'd have to be dragged through that hell you talking about, to be able to compare anything. You can't just measure somebody's suffering like that. His problems are valid to him and he has the full right to feel down no matter how trivial this may seem to you. So you can stop dragging us into that spiral of suffering, because this doesn't lead us anywhere!”

There is a dead silence when Hux finishes. Everybody just stands in place staring at him. He feels that even Ren stopped shaking under his hand; it worked. He takes advantage of everybody's shock and pulls Kylo away from Poe, the taller boy doesn't object, so he leads him further, behind his crew. They go outside, where Hux was smoking earlier, away from everybody. He hopes that Thanisson will manage the whole fuss in the corridor somehow from here. When he runs his fingers through his hair he notices that his hand is wet. There are four small, red crescents there, among the other, similar ones which have turned pale already. He didn't even notice that he clenched his other hand so tight when he was holding Ren back. Hux can't help it but he starts pick on them and making them bleed even worse. Ren crouches by the wall with face hidden in his hands, his breath is ragged and shaky. Hux thinks he heard him sobbing, so he turns around and looks at him. Yes, Ren is definitely crying.

“Oh my god, Ren, don't...” Hux says with a sigh and crouches beside him. “Collect yourself. They aren't worth it.”

He instinctively reaches to touch Ren's shoulder again, but remembers who he's dealing with here just in time, so his hand stops in mid air. There is silence between them before Ren abruptly grabs Hux's outstretched arm and yanks him forward, so he falls to his knees. Ren's face, covered in tear trails, is so close now, that he can feel his warm, choppy breath on his cheek. Hux finds himself unable to move when the black haired boy leans closer. 

“Don't you speak for me ever again.” he says in voice so low that Hux feels shivers go down his spine, and further, through his his limbs, to the tips of his fingers. It's a quiet threat that is spoken right into Hux's ear. 

It's not that he's afraid of Ren, he can't really explain it, but that voice somehow mesmerizes him.  
Kylo moves back a little to have a long look into Hux's eyes, like he could read an answer in them.

“Okay, I won't...” Hux replies slowly anyway and he curses his voice for coming out too soft.

Ren squints his brown eyes a little, stands up and leaves him without a word. Hux exhales sharply when Kylo leaves him, he will tell himself that it was a sigh of relief but deep down he knows it isn't true. He rises back to his feet and a sudden realization strikes him; what if Ren is going to beat the shit out of that Poe boy right now? Hux curses under his breath and follows Kylo. He has became his babysitter already, so he might as well keep him from doing stupid things and hurting people for the rest of the match.

Hopefully Ren went straight back to the stands to watch the game. Still Poe, Finn and the rest is just few meters away, on the other side of the hall. Kylo could easily get there in few seconds, and knowing him, he would be able to do that. Hux decides to sit next to him just in case. 

“What the fuck, Hux? What do you want again?” Ren frowns.

“What? Can't I just sit here?” Ren doesn't reply, so Hux continues. “So, why have you come here? I don't recall you taking interest in soccer.”

“I don't recall you caring about it either, and yet here you are.” Ren snaps.

“Not bad.” Hux gives him a little clap. “You should use your comebacks more often, instead of breaking chairs and hitting people right away. Well I'm the school representative, so it's kinda my duty to be here.” He smiles at the person with the camera who's taking pictures of the cheerful fans.

“Phasma asked me to come. There you have it.” Ren crosses arms on his chest and looks away.

“I saw you talking with each other, but I hadn't thought that you were such close friends”

“I wouldn't call her my friend. She texted me right before the match started, that I should come here. I haven't even have a chance to talk to her yet actually.” he's looking at the players while he speaks “Are you happy now? What is your problem?” Ren looks up and meets Hux's eyes. 

“I don't know, I wanted to ask you the same when I caught you staring at me earlier today.” Hux says and there is a moment of silence between them.

“It was because the hair.” Ren says and averts his gaze.

“What?”

“Your hair is different today, not like, rock solid...” Ren stops mid sentence like he was trying to find better words. “You don't look like a nazi anymore.”

“Why thank you.” Hux snorts to mask the fact that he felt something weird in his stomach.

“It wasn't a compliment.” 

“But I choose to take it as one.” Hux smiles, or rather bares his teeth.

There are only ten minutes more left until the game ends. Phasma's team leads with one point so far and it looks like they'll keep this up. Hux and Ren still sit together, with nobody around them because people are simply scared to even come near Kylo. They bicker all the time, and sometimes Ren raises his voice too much. Hux doesn't really care about that, if ren really wanted to beat him up, he'd do this when they were outside. There was nothing to fear. Phasma scores in the last three minutes and the match ends with five points for them and three for the opponents. The gang makes a lot of noise behind them, Hux claps and shouts with the rest, Kylo just sits and stares. Phasma makes her way to them after she hugged every team member with wide smile and still heavy breath after the game. Her grin grows even wider when she looks at Hux and then Ren sitting next to him, for some reason. 

“I told you we'd kick their asses. Everybody is invited to the party tonight!!!” she calls at the top of her voice.

There are shouts of joy, laughter and singing even, Hux indulges himself in the all-embracing joyfulness, unlike Ren who's still sitting aside. 

“I hope you'll come too, Kylo.” Phasma says before she leaves the crowd to change her clothes.

Everybody slowly disband after that, there is plenty of time before the party in honor of the winners starts. It'll be at Thanisson's, because his parents agreed to go out for the evening and come back late. They would let him do anything as long as he doesn't kill himself or burn the house down, so most of their parties were there. Hux wonders how amazing it must be to have chill parents like his.  
Hux's father had allowed him to have a sleepover in their house once, with Phasma, when they were in junior high, but only because he thought they were a couple. The truth was that they were pretending; Phasma had a girlfriend in another town and Hux had been with his first boyfriend back then. His father was starting to get suspicious, so they had to prove their love somehow. They've spent whole night sitting dressed in ugly pajamas, eating nachos and playing games. It was nice. Anyway, Brendol Hux would never let a group of drunk teens sleep under his roof.   
Hux returns together with Ren to the dormitory for the first time. They don't talk with each other, there is a lot of awkward silence as they walk arm in arm. It's raining, so Hux offers Kylo a ride, Ren seems a bit reluctant about it at first, but turns out that he hates drenched clothes more than Hux's company. After a few minutes of driving they arrive at the dormitory. They usually come back at different parts of the day, so the lady in the reception is a bit surprised when she sees them retrieving their key together. Hux just wants to lay in the warm bed till the evening, but it's not his lucky day. Ren freezes when they reach their floor and the ginger boy almost bumps into him. Hux wants to reprimand him for stopping in the middle of the damn hall, but then he sees that Kylo's face has gone white. He looks in the direction of their room and sees that there is a person waiting outside their door, a woman with graying hair.

“Who's that?” he asks, even though he already knows.

“My mother.”

“Well, this is going to be a long day.”

Leia Organa-Solo looks around the room with wide eyes, she's surprised but rather pleasantly, Hux thinks. He closes the door behind her and Kylo and moves silently to his bed to sit there with straight back and hands on his thighs. She makes small sigh when she sees the line on the floor and looks at her son. 

“Well it's cleaner than when I've been here the last time.” she says but Kylo doesn't let her finish.

“It's his work.” he mutters as he points at Hux.

“We couldn't reach an agreement on cleaning this place.”the ginger boy says. “Now each of us have own half to manage. I think it's fair.”

“It's certainly a way to solve that problem, but rather crude one I'd say.” Leia says it in soft voice looks at him with slight worry.

“It works just fine for us, thank you for the concern.” Hux replies blandly.

Kylo lurks in his blanket nest half covered, as if he tried to hide from his mother, looking hostile as they speak. There is a mix of various emotions on his face, he frowns in one second, and his lips tremble like he was about to cry in next. Hux is in awe how one's face could be so expressive. Leia has a huge bag with her, which is being put on the double desk and unpacked slowly. She pulls out a set of clean sheets and Hux laughs internally, because Kylo had made fun about him buying “luxurious sheets for his delicate princess ass” earlier. Turns out he had his delivered by his mom to him, hypocrite. Kylo notices that he's smirking.

“Really mom?” he makes a pouty face at Leia. “You don't need to bring me stuff I'm not twelve anymore.”

Hux stops himself from laughing out loud, at this sight. Leia doesn't comment on this and just continues unpacking the bag, she pulls out a jar of jam that looks homemade and some towels. Ren's face turns slightly red as he looks at Hux grinning on the other side of the room; it really makes him look like an angry twelve year old. So far everything is calm, but Hux can feel the growing tension in the air. Ren hasn't thrown a tantrum yet because he already had one today, most probably, but the next one is coming for sure. He just needs to regain some energy.

“It's from Maz, she's worried about you too, Ben.” says Leia taking the jar in her hands. “She asked me if you're coming home this winter.”

“Why does she care?” Ren snorts. “I've worked at her bar just for a month and stop calling me that!” he raises his voice as his face twists. “What's with all of you today? How many times will I have to listen to that 'we all really cared about you', but didn't do shit anyway bullshit!?

Here we go again. Hux opens his mouth to say something, but remembers what Ren told him when they were outside the sports hall. Very well, he won't interfere this time. He sits by the wall with legs crossed on his bed and watches silently, maybe he should stream this?

“Ben, please-”

“It's Kylo!” Ren interjects mid sentence.

“Kylo, please,” she sighs. “We tried believe me. I'm sorry it didn't come out as we wanted, but please give us a second chance. Everybody wants you to come back home. We'll all work this out eventually. 

“Where's dad?” Ren interrupts his mother again with his voice sounding weirdly hollow.

There is a moment of heavy silence between them, Ren pierces his mother with his gaze as she looks like she's planning her next move. Ren leaves his nest and stands on his feet with his shoulders squared.

“He's on the freighter at the moment, but...”

“Ah, he's on the freighter,” Kylo mimics Leia's voice mockingly. “Of course. What? You said you'll come here to get me and he ran off to the middle of the ocean again?” he laughs nervously.

“He's on the middle of the ocean ever since you said you won't be coming back home.” Leia's voice becomes rougher, serious, it makes Kylo shut up and even Hux feels discomfort. “But he has called me recently and said he'll come back for Christmas and stay for some time. It's the chance for us.” 

“What about Luke?” Ren asks quietly, without his confidence and looks away.

“He still hasn't said a word to me.” Leia's voice softens as well. “But I believe he will get back to us, eventually. He probably forgave you already.”

“How can you know this? Besides maybe I don't want to be forgiven!” Ren's voice returns to it's previous tone. “I don't want to come back!”

“Nobody will bully you this time I promise. Just for one weekend now, and we'll see how it goes”

“Of course nobody will, not thanks to your help! I had to take care of them myself, like always.” his breath catches. “I come back, and he comes back, and we will sit awkwardly at the table pretending that everything is alright, but the next day he will disappear again on some goddamn ship on the other side of the world, and everybody will pity you again! You think I don't know what people say about me!? 'Poor Leia, she doesn't deserve this, she and Han have really bad luck for their son to turn out to be like this!'”  
“Ben calm down!” Leia raises her voice trying to make it sound stern, but it cracks.

“I'm not your Ben anymore! He's gone!!!” 

Ren screams and leaves the room slamming the door behind him. Leia sits on his bed with a pained sigh and hides her face in her hands. Suddenly she seems so small when she's curled in like that with elbows propped on her knees. She loves her stupid son with all her heart, everybody would see this if they looked at her, everybody besides the son himself, of course. She's such a nice lady, Hux realizes that he doesn't really know how she's acting behind the closed door, but he's unable to picture her hurting her own family in any way. Besides, she cares so much, Leia would probably give anything to make her son be happy again, and to fix her family somehow. Hux regrets what he said earlier to Poe about Ren having problems, even if this was sincere, because now he can't wrap his mind around why Kylo wanted to distance himself from her so much.   
He can't help it but thinks about his own mother, and this thought makes him feel pain. Not that long ago he had been so angry with her for leaving, he despised her more than anybody else. When Hux was thinking about her, he could see her somewhere in Spain; sitting on the beach with some fancy drink in her hand, her eyes hidden behind huge sunglasses. Other times he could imagine her walking down the busy streets of Paris with hands full of shopping bags, planning some fancy dinner party. Recently some other thought started creeping into his mind however; it was the new image of her in small English town, holding an umbrella, because it's raining and shifting her weight from one leg to another nervously. She took Hux to that town when he was around five years old. Her parents were English, so maybe she went to see her family there. He used to think that she had an affair and left them for her lover, but now he isn't so sure. Maybe it was his father. Maybe he kicked her out too, or did something to her, and she didn't want to look at him anymore.   
Leia looks up as if she has remembered just now about Hux's presence. She dries corners of her eyes and straightens herself and studies him for a short while. 

“My son isn't giving you too hard of a time?” she asks and looks at the line again. “He can be hard to live with.”

“Hard to live with is rather a big euphemism.” Hux snorts, but gives her a faint smile. “But it's not like you can't get used to it.”

Leia nods and doesn't say anything for a while. She looks like she was deciding whether to say something she has on her mind or not.

“It's good that he has you here.” she says finally. “He has been isolating himself completely for so long. I'm glad that he at least has somebody to talk to, even if it's not me.” she smiles at him and Hux doesn't know what to say. “I'll be going now, tell Ben, that I didn't change my mind about the winter break.”

While she's saying this Ren comes back to the room, Hux is thankful to him, because Leia starts to make him feel awkward. He has some papers in his hand, most probably from the office, and hands them to his mother.

“They want you to sign those before you leave.” He mumbles, still angry.

“Do you have a pen?”

“I have, here.” Hux moves on his bed to grab his bag from the chair near by.

He searches for it for a while and hands Leia the black pen with his father's company logo on it. He sits closer to her now and she squints her eyes as she looks him in the face again. Hux realizes that she's staring at the thin, faint scar on his lip that is barely visible now. He has been using some cream that was supposed to make it disappear faster. He stops the urge to cover it with his hand.

“Did my son did this to you?” she touches her lip to show him what she's talking about.

“Yes, he did, on the first day I got here.” he says flatly.

Leia turns around to give the already defensive Ren the look, but Hux continues.

“I knocked him unconscious with the chair leg the week after, so we're even I guess.” it sounds like this was the most mundane thing.

Leia turns back to Hux looking at him with wide eyes, then back to Ren, who raised his eyebrows, and then back to Hux again. They both stay quiet and just stare at her. She makes a sound that is half snort half sigh, looking like she just saw the new height of absurdity, signs the papers, gives them back to Ren and leaves. Kylo looks at him with silent question and Hux just shrugs, they stare at each other for a while but there is no tension between them this time. 

“Did she tell you something?” Ren asks finally.

“Just to tell you that she still wants you to come back for Christmas. I guess you will be staying here anyway?” he asks, even if it's a stupid question.

“Wait, you don't know?” Kylo is genuinely surprised and that makes Hux anxious.

“Don't know what?”

“The dorm is closed during breaks. I can't stay here, even if I want.” Ren sighs and collapses on his bed.

Hux doesn't say a word as he feels blood draining from his face, and something heavy as a stone sinking down his guts. In two months he's going to see his father. He will have to go back home and he can't even do anything about it. There is no other place he could live, and he won't beg Phasma for sheltering him, besides her parents wouldn't allow it. He can hear Brendol's voice in his head saying “I told you, that you'll crawl back here on your knees sooner or later” and it makes him feel sick.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes Hux gets too defensive. Idk, here where I live, they are closing dorms for breaks.
> 
> In the next chapter: Honesty hour with drunk Hux, also Millicent.


	5. Honesty hour

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter has some strong language in it.

Phasma winces and sighs with frustration as she looks at her phone and then at Kylo. 

“You really had to do this. You had to almost beat the shit out that Poe boy, didn't you? Now Rey won't even speak to me, hope you're proud of yourself.” she says with accusing tone. “And I wasn't even there.”

She shows him the conversation or rather one message from her and information that it was read yesterday at 8:36 pm. Kylo couldn't care less about Phasma being rejected by his cousin. Big deal, she'll find herself somebody else. With her being the most popular girl in school, captain of the best soccer team in town at the moment, and having over ten thousand followers on Instagram, that couldn't be hard. She doesn't actually know that Rey is Kylo's family, and he doesn't plan to tell her that. She could want him to introduce her, or something like that, god forbid.

“He started it.”

“Of course.” Phasma shakes her head. “Everybody should thank Hux for taking care of this.”

“Why? You think I wouldn't manage?”

“No, but Rey would be in trouble. Not everything is always about you, god.” she checks something on her phone.

Ren would have already started fighting if somebody else said that to him. That somebody else would be Hux, of course, because besides him and Phasma nobody talks to him openly in real life. Somehow he had been tolerating her, maybe because she'd just walked up to him one day and started the conversation without judging him. She sounds mean almost all the time but it's not really serious, so Kylo ignores it. 

“Anyway, you and Hux. You two seem to hate each other less recently.” Phasma looks at him with curiosity now.

“You can get used to anything I guess.” Kylo shrugs. “If we fought every time he was being an asshole, he'd be most likely dead by now.”

“You brought him his homework two days ago if I recall correctly.” Phasma smirks.

“Because he left it in the room. That was some kind of important essay he was writing the whole night. I couldn't sleep because of that, and that would be for nothing.”

“Sure Kylo.”

“And what the hell does that mean?!”

“Nothing. Why are you so defensive all of a sudden?” her smile grows even wider.

She's insinuating something. Again. Kylo scowls, she has been like that since the match, smiling too much while talking about him and Hux. Why is that so interesting to her anyway? A certain thought forms somewhere in his mind and it's so ridiculous that he has to stand to shake it off. 

“I'm not! See you tomorrow, bye.” he spits irritated by her smirks and ambiguous comments.  
He doesn't need to sit there anyway, his classes have ended already, but Phasma pulled him into a conversation. He slings his backpack over one shoulder and leaves the yard in quick pace. The dormitory is just a few minutes of walking away. As he passes by a few groups of people, some girls laugh behind his back, making him walking faster. The sky is a steely gray color from the thick layer of clouds and it looks like it's about to start raining again any time. Kylo doesn't feel like going anywhere today anyway. 

When he reaches dormitory's front door something ginger flashes in the corner of his eye. He looks in it's direction and sees Hux crouched few meters away by the bushes, playing with some filthy street cat with fur as ginger as his hair. This is an unexpected thing Kylo has learned about Hux recently; he's a cat lover apparently. He started to feed all the local cats, but that red one seems to like him the most, so he buys cat food and leaves it in that bush everyday. When Kylo approaches him the cat runs off.

“You scared her, you ass.” Hux scoffs.

His hair isn't combed and gelled today, so it falls freely over his ears. He had worn it like that three times since the match already. It makes his face look much more soft, even if he still has his usual unimpressed expression plastered to it. He looks better like this in Kylo's opinion, not having everything in perfect order. Two more months and maybe he'll stop buttoning his shirts all the way up. Not like Kylo cares about the way Hux wears his clothes.

“Do you have the key?” Kylo asks.

“Yeah, I have, and since you frightened Millicent I don't have much to do here.” he stands up and walks to the door. “Come on.”

“Millicent?” Kylo asks following him.

“Yeah, my cat.”

“It's not really your cat.”

“Okay, not really my cat.” Hux rolls his eyes. “Are you going somewhere this evening?”

“I don't think so.”

“Good, because I'm going out tonight and I won't be back until tomorrow morning, probably. I've already signed myself out for the night.” 

Hux has turned into a party animal in the course of the last month. He had been going out every weekend; one time he'd been away for three days in a row. Kylo wonders if he knows everybody in this goddamn town, because his gang couldn't possibly organize all this. It's probably because he's not supervised by his father all the time anymore. Same thing with smoking. Cigarettes and alcohol don't really fit in the 'top marks student body president from the good family' picture. Kylo has been having the feeling that he might have misjudged Hux, but doesn't really want to admit it. For example, why does he even live here? He had been doing just fine in the last three years staying at home. Besides he has a car, which is pretty shitty for a rich person, and that's weird too. He could just drive to school everyday. There's something off about the whole image, like a small crack that reveals something else beneath. Maybe he should try to ask Phasma what his deal is with living in the dormitory, she has to know that. He thinks about possible reasons as he follows shorter boy through the corridors. He can't really see it beeing anything else besides Hux living far away, like it is in his own case. Hux is talking about some irrelevant things that happened in school, Kylo sometimes mutters something or nods pretending he listens. This is another new thing about the ginger boy. He started talking to him, mostly about stupid and boring stuff, but without his usual snark.   
As soon as they walk into their room each of them goes to opposite sides of the line. Kylo kicks off his boots, throws his jacket on the chair and settles himself comfortably on his bed. He takes his computer out and is ready to spend the whole evening like that, talking with his internet friends. There are six of them, but they are almost never all present on the groupchat. Kylo doesn't know what age they are, or where they live, or even their names, but he likes talking to them. They have the same interests and understand each other quite well. Maybe the fact that they don't know those things about him as well has something to do with it. They have no real impact on his life so it's easier to tell them things, it's not like they can do anything against him with that knowledge.   
He glances up at Hux who's staring at his clothes on the bed, assembling his outfit for the party. He's about to look back at the screen when Hux takes off his shirt revealing pale back with spine and ribs visible under his skin. Kylo once again wonders how can he be so tall and skinny at the same time and function. His waist is so slim that Kylo probably could close his hands around it making his thumbs touch. His legs look like sticks when he pulls down his jeans and steps out of them. He has that gap between his thighs so many girls wanted for some reason. They have been living with each other long enough to get comfortable with changing next to each other. Hux has actually started to do it recently, for over a month he had been traveling to the bathroom with that purpose. Kylo watches as Hux puts on a white v-neck t-shirt and pair of black pants, which hug his hips very nicely. The black jacket he chooses to wear tonight makes his delicate shoulders look broader. Kylo's eyes focus back on his laptop's screen when Hux is done. 

“I'll be going then.” he turns to look at his roommate.

“That early?”

“I have to meet with some people before.” he opens his mouth to say something more, but suddenly seems to change his mind. “See you tomorrow.” he says instead, grabs his coat and leaves. 

Kylo looks through the window at the parking lot. He sees Hux strolling through it, speeding up as the first drops of rain falls from the sky. He gets in his car and leaves.

Snoke is online. Kylo pauses the movie he was watching as he sees Snoke's status changing. He hasn't told him about the time when Hux hit him too hard, but besides that case, he has talked about him a lot. Mostly about the fact it was impossible to make him move out, and that he most probably has no feelings. Snoke has mostly just listened, rarely talked, but Kylo is fine with that. He could confide everything to him without the fear of being judged or treated like a freak. Snoke also couldn't use it against him, because they haven't had any mutual contacts. There was simply nobody interested in Kylo enough on Snoke's side for him to reveal his secrets. Kylo wishes they could meet in real life and talk face to face, though. He wants to hear his voice and see what he looks like finally.

KyloxR3n: hey

He waits for an answer. Sometimes Snoke responded right away, but not every time. He'd always started conversations with him like that, Snoke didn't mind that. He'd never told Kylo his age, only that he's older.

Snoke: How are you?

KyloxR3n: I'm good

KyloxR3n: I guess. My mother came here to see me a week ago, she says she wants to reunite my family or some shit like that idk

KyloxR3n: she says that my father is coming back but I don't believe it. Also there were people from my old school and they started to tell me some bullshit that they wanted to be friends with me. I wanted to beat the shit out of them for that, but my roommate happened and well I didn't

Snoke: What did he do?

KyloxR3n: He brought his whole gang into this and said something that made that one guy shut up. it was weird, because he was on my side

KyloxR3n: I think I was wrong about him. he might understand some things that happened to me. he doesn't question my relationship with my family he said I have the right to hate them

KyloxR3n: do you think he meant it? 

Snoke: I haven't spoken to him, so I can't tell. He seems interesting, though.

KyloxR3n: what?

KyloxR3n: he's boring

Snoke: You talk about him a lot, and the image you created is far from boring. I'd like to talk with him.

KyloxR3n: pfffffffffffffffffft

Snoke: He's the first person you couldn't intimidate, that alone makes him stand out. If you can't defeat him, maybe you should make him join you.

KyloxR3n: that's not possible

KyloxR3n: not with him. he hates me 

KyloxR3n: and it's mutual

Snoke: What did you tell your mother?

KyloxR3n: that I'm not going back and I don't want to be forgiven

Snoke: That's a wise decision. You've already decided that you want to cut them off, coming back would just make you feel worse. I see you're doing better without them.

KyloxR3n: yes, I feel better. You were right about it

Snoke: I'm always right, Kylo.

KyloxR3n: how are you doing it? 

KyloxR3n: I mean how do you always know what to do?

Snoke: Well I know people, I guess. I'm a teacher, I saw people with similar problems to yours. I've helped them as well.

He's a teacher. That's actually the first shred of information about Snoke Kylo has ever got. This makes him strangely excited.

KyloxR3n: Whoa

KyloxR3n: I wish you were teaching in my school. You'd actually call me the right name

Snoke: Well, I'm sort of your teacher already, am I not?

KyloxR3n: you're right

KyloxR3n: um.. Teacher?

Snoke: Heh, I guess you can refer to me like that if you want.

KyloxR3n: mr. Snoke?

Snoke: That's a bit too far.

KyloxR3n: ok

KyloxR3n: Teacher

Kylo smiles at the screen. Snoke had never told him what he wants to be referred to as, but he'd felt like calling him just Snoke was not right, so he'd never done that. Maybe because he somehow respected him more than anybody he talked to, somehow he felt that Snoke is much older than him. Kylo likes the Teacher idea, because, indeed he'd learned a lot about life from him. He realizes that's how he was always thinking about him, he's his friend, yes, but also somebody who shows him the way. 

Snoke: I'll talk to you later today, now I have to go for a while.

KyloxR3n: ok

Snoke goes offline. Kylo sighs, sometimes he'd been away for ten minutes after saying that, but it could be hours as well. Ren never knows. After finishing the movie he turns the lights on and takes his out sketchbook. It's 9 o'clock pm, and it's completely dark outside. Kylo can hear the rain tapping on the roof and wind howling. He likes those sounds. Feeling warm and cozy while it's so nasty outside relaxes him. He finishes the sketch of the new armor design for his character. It's made of black metal and covered in many scratches and dents left by enemies' weapons. Kylo thinks it looks badass when he draws layers of black robe falling to the ground from underneath it. He still has some problems with the proportions and anatomy, but he's getting better.

He's almost done with the next sketch, when a sound of the door violently opening alarms him. He jerks up ready to beat the shit out of the intruder, but the completely drenched person standing in the doorway and swaying on their feet is Hux. Kylo's eyes widen and fists drop when he wobbles inside leaving wet footprints. He grunts with distaste when he sees his roommate staring at him in shock and collapses on his bed carelessly not even bothering to take off his coat, which is dripping with rainwater. His hair is completely wet, stuck to his forehead, getting in his eyes.

“WHAT THE FLYING FUCK, HUX!?” kylo screams as he basically jumps up to Hux and pulls him to the sitting position. “WHY ARE YOU HERE!?”

“Shhhhhhhh...” Hux puts his index and middle finger on Kylo's lips silencing him in one second. Kylo's mind goes completely blank for a while when he feels them. “I'm fine. I was on that party, but I'm in bad mood you see? I'd ruin it.” he slurs. “So I came back here.”

Great, Kylo thinks. He's drunk. Drunk, wet and freezing, judging by the fact that he's shivering. Hux has probably realized that himself, because he proceeds to take off his coat in a terribly clumsy, totally not huxy way. Kylo throws a towel at him, and the ginger boy just sits with it over his head for a while, before starting to actually rub his scalp with it. In the meantime Kylo searches for some warm and comfortable clothes in his closet messing up all his neat stacks of folded garments. He grabs a sweater and throws it on the bed near him. Hux has already peeled his wet jacket and pants off, his t shirt and briefs somehow stayed dry, so he keeps them and pulls on the sweater Kylo gave him.

“And why are you all wet, did you walk here on foot or something?” Kylo continues his questioning sitting on his desk and staring at Hux sprawled on his bed with hazy eyes and red nose.

“And what was I supposed to do? Drive drunk and kill myself?” he rasps, staring at the ceiling. “I left my car there and walked back here.”

“And how the hell did you manage to pass by the reception in this state?”

“I can sober up a little for a while. Besides she was searching for something in the drawers so I sneaked past her.” 

Kylo would like to see Hux 'sneaking past' somebody when he couldn't even walk straight. Still he's in awe that he actually did it because there is no personnel at their door yet. Hux stretches and starts to search for something in the small drawer in his nightstand. When he pulls out the pack of cigarettes. Kylo leaves the desk and snatches them from his hand before he's able to ligt one. Smoking is prohibited and if somebody smelled the smoke here they'd be in serious trouble. 

“What the hell Hux, did that alcohol burn your whole brain out?!” He can't believe Hux would just do something that stupid. 

“You're not my mother!” 

“No, but look at yourself, you're a fuckin mess!”

“Thought you'd like me this way.” Hux chuckles and this takes Kylo aback. His face suddenly feels hot, but luckly Hux continues babbling so it doesn't get more awkward. “Do you even know how to have fun, Ky-lo?” he taunts, “I thought you're running away from your family to rebel and doing rebellious stuff like drinking, and smoking, and fucking and I don't know... Young, wild, and free shit, but you are just one big, angsty, emo child!” he slurs again and laughs at him. “You should just go back to your mother, she's suffering because of your sad ass.”

Time seems to slow down for Kylo as Hux speaks, those last words echoing in his ears like they were not in tiny dorm room, but some great hall. His fists feel hot, his head feels hot, everything burns inside him as he grabs Hux and lifts him by his shirt so his face is so close he can smell the alcohol in Hux's breath as he stares in his eyes.

“Was everything that you said at the match, in that corridor just a game?” Kylo doesn't shout, his voice is quiet but shaking with fury. “Was that all just a lie, a show you've played in front of everyone? I should have known you are just like everybody else.” his voice cracks as he hurls him against the closet on the other side of the line .

“No I meant it!” he holds his hand in the air as if it could stop Kylo. Hux looks at the floor and then back at the boy in front of him but his face is different. Ren freezes in a half-step. “I really did... I shouldn't have said that, I just can't understand why... Why do you reject her like that, why are you running away from somebody who cares about you so much...” Huxs voice becomes weak and choppy, and suddenly he sounds so miserable, that Kylo wouldn't be able to tell it's Hux who's speaking if he wasn't seeing him with his own eyes. “Who wants you back so badly...”

 

Hux's knees bend under him and he slumps down to the floor hiding his face in his hands. He curls on himself tightly and sits like that with his knees pressed to his body and shoulders shaking. Kylo realizes he's crying. It's silent, only his catching, choppy breath audible, and there are no tears, but Hux is definitely crying on the floor right in front of him, and Ren doesn't know what to do in this situation. This is all he ever wanted from him since that first day he had stepped in this room. He's wanted to see him expressing emotions like an actual person, he wanted to make him cry, see him not being able to repress it anymore. Now he has it, he exposed Hux entirely like he's imagined so many times, broke him, made him small and miserable and it doesn't feel good in the slightest. There's no satisfaction in this, no triumph, not even a tiny bit of amusement. He's not angry anymore either. He sits on the floor as well, leaning back against Hux's bed and exhaling slowly. He realizes it's that crack in the image, wchich has just became huge tear revealing everything so carefully kept inside.

“Why are you living here?” Kylo asks, his voice becoming soft. 

Hux's breath catches and he goes still when Kylo speaks. Somehow he manages to curl into even smaller ball, he still hides his face as he takes a deep breath and tries to say something.

“It's my father...He- He kicked me out the night before I moved in here.” Hux mutters still in that broken, small voice.

“He did it just like that?” Kylo feels something heavy in his chest; Hux's life isn't perfect at all.

“Not quite... It's not that simple.” Hux goes silent for a while. Ren wants to ask more questions, but he manages to speak up again. “There was that boy I met in the summer, I was away on the vacation, we talked in the lobby once, and then we started hanging out.” he pauses to take a deep breath and steady his voice. “We ended up making out on the last day I were there, I haven't seen him since I left, but we were texting each other all the time, we were making plans about meeting each other again. I thought it could work this time.” His voice has stopped cracking, but it still isn't his usual indifferent tone. “Anyway, two days before I came here, there was that party in the forest, I went there with the squad, Phasma was away. I've drunk a lot, okay? Like really. Today is nothing compared to that. Kinda got creative while texting with him back there. I started to talk about how I'm going to suck his dick when we meet... It got pretty graphic. Then I drank one round too much... I remember that I couldn't stand up and the gang dragged me aside, then I blacked out. I woke up in my bed the following day...”

Hux abruptly stands up, still having a trouble with balance so Kylo catches him and holds onto his feet. Hux's expression is hollow, his eyes are dry and the corner of his lips twitch. Kylo guides him to his his bed and gently presses him down onto it, without any protests. 

“What happened next?” the black haired boy asks as he crouches in front of sitting Hux.

“Do you really want to listen to this shitty story?” Hux snorts and lays on the pillow with his back turned on Kylo.

“Yes, please tell me.” he blurts out before realizing he's being a bit too eager to know what happened. There's a moment of silence again.

“They told me that they thought I was dying, because they couldn't wake me up, and I stopped breathing at some point, so they called my father with my phone... So, I went downstairs to drink something and he was sitting there, by the table. He called for me when I finished like the third glass of water? He looked at me and I knew I fucked up. When he looks at you this way, you just know...” Hux's breath catches again but he continues. “He looks at me and I look at him and then he slides my phone to me on that table. I knew he went through it and saw everything so there was no point in denying it when he asked me if I was gay. Then he gave me a lecture about how I've disappointed him, that he didn't raise me to be like that and that I am a disgrace to my family, getting drunk like a pig and sucking cocks like a goddamn whore... he called me a faggot. I didn't say anything. Then he told me he doesn't want to see me, and he actually yelled 'get out'. So I did.” Hux sniffs.

“What about your mother? Couldn't she do something? Was she with him?” Kylo asks raising his voice.

“I haven't seen my mother in five years...” Hux says quietly.

“Wait... Is she?”

“No, she's alive. I think... She just left us one day. I woke up and she wasn't there, just gone like that, without a goodbye. She took most of her things. My father found out she'd traveled to Europe, but I don't know where she is exactly... Probably on some beach with her Armando.” He spits with vitriol, but then his voice softens again. “At least that's what father has told me... but now, honestly, I'm not sure. Maybe he kicked her out too, or maybe he did something to her and she ran away... I don't know, maybe what he said is true. I've tried to contact her, but my father had forbidden it.”

“Shit.” Kylo sits on the floor again with back resting against Hux's bed, pulling his hands over his knees.

“That's not the end of the story.”

“What?”

“Yeah... I got in my car and drove around the town until it got dark. I parked in front of the train station and checked my phone finally. That boy from the summer, he hadn't texted me the whole day. Turned out, my father messaged him the day before pretending to be me when I was unconscious. He told him that I was just curious, and turns out that I like girls so it's over. In more harsh words. Well that's how our relationship or whatever it was ended. He has never texted me back even if I wrote dozens of messages trying to explain the whole thing that night. I slept there, in my car and then I drove here to sign myself in here. My father still needed to allow this so I came back to him with the papers. He laughed in my face and said I'll crawling back to him on my hands and knees begging in no more than a week, that I wouldn't manage living on my own, in place like this. I was... I don't know... empty at that point, I didn't fear him. I said that we'd see who would be asking who to come back. And we kinda made that bet who will be the first one to break. I haven't seen him since.” He takes a deep breath and exhales slowly.

“What is your name?” Kylo asks, stunned by what Hux's story, still trying to process it in his mind. He can think of nothing else.“Your first name.”

“Brendol.” Hux says this word like a curse. “Brendol Hux Junior. I don't even have my own goddamn name.” 

There is a long, dead silence between them. Kylo feels a lump in his throat, he's still in shock about how wrong he had been. How could Hux keep this all in? His facade was always so perfect, the rich kid with zero problems, cold glare or charming smile when it was needed. How could he just walk around, hanging out with his friends, smiling and partying while he's been broken like that inside? Kylo feels ashamed, suddenly, of talking about his own problems all the time, crying, not being able to keep himself together while Hux was standing on the side with his head high and teeth grit, keeping it all inside. Carrying his burden without a word about it. He feels stupid for assuming that he had perfect life judging only by the external image. He should have known the best that looks can be deceiving, that nobody really knows what's going on behind the closed doors. He remembers Poe's words about how other people have it worse than him, kids who got kicked out for example. Hux had heard that and still, he defended Kylo. He understands. Suddenly Kylo is being pulled out of his rushing thoughts by the light pull of his hair. He turns his head slightly and sees Hux's thin fingers playing absentmindedly with his black locks, his eyes are still a little bit hazy.

“Do you still like him? That boy you'd met?” Kylo asks moving away from the touch.

“I'm over it, if you ask me if I'm still sad. I try not to dwell on that.” Hux sighs and looks up at the ceiling again, withdrawing his hand, so they both are resting on his chest. “I can't undo that night. I rather focus on the present and not think about it.”

“Oh.”

“Why are you detaching yourself from your family?” Hux asks looking down again.

Kylo glances up at him again. He'd talked about this, or rather yelled so many times in Hux's presence the he doesn't really feel like going through that topic now. Still he kind of owes it to Hux, after all things has told him. 

They talk for the next three hours. Hux opens up and lets everything out, all the repressed sorrows and fears, all things he kept locked away deep inside him. He tells him about how he'd always wanted to impress his father, to be like him, and one day inherit the whole company, how he was always lacking something, or how one little mistake could ruin all the work he did for his father to give him one favorable look, how he was hiding the fact he prefers boys from him, pretending to date Phasma for a year. Kylo tells Hux a lot as well; how he wasn't leaving his room almost at all because he was afraid of other kids, and how his mother had always been too busy with politics and his father was away working on a cargo ship for months. Han Solo had been just 'going out' sometimes and returning a week later, but when both of his parents were home they'd do things together and those things are Kylo's happy memories. However he avoids that subject, those thoughts are dangerous, they make him doubt his decisions about leaving, and thus make him weaker. With Hux those things were different; his parents were often both at home with him, but they'd never paid him any attention. Hux tells him about the dinners, when three of them, and later two, had been sitting by the big table in dining room in silence, or how his mother or father would give him a toy and tell him to go play with it, because he's being a bother. That's why he became so emotional over Leia. Kylo realizes he's jealous of him, that he wishes his mother would care about him so much.   
Hux's voice becomes raspy after all that talking. He shifts under his blanket wanting to get up. Kylo, who's still sitting on the floor next to Hux's bed stands up and stops him from leaving.

“I need to drink something.” the ginger boy mumbles.

Hux looks really worn out, most probably because his hangover has started already. This conversation also had to have drain him. 

“I'll go get you something warm, stay here and don't move from the bed.” Kylo says pulling the blanket over him again.

“Nooo, don't leave.” Hux's protest is so weak that he grabs Ren by his wrist to make him stay. “I like hearing your voice.” he says quietly while his eyelids fall shut slowly.

“It's going to take just a minute and I'll be back.” Kylo frees his arm from Hux's hold and leaves before the shorter boy notices that his face is turning red for some reason.

He goes downstairs to the coffee vending machine and presses the button next to the label saying 'tea'. He waits for the hot drink and thinks about all those things he knows now. Somehow he doesn't feel as much hate as before when his thoughts go back to Hux in their room. He wants to be angry with him, it is goddamn Hux, he'll be his normal, shitty self when he sobers up. He takes the hot cup and goes back upstairs fighting the feeling that he is starting to like his ginger roommate. When he walks in the room Hux is already sleeping with his hand dangling from the edge of his mattress. Kylo sighs and leaves the tea on his nightstand. Because of this whole drunk ginger situation he forgot to take a shower, and now it's too late. The staff will bug him about making too much noise in the middle of the night again. He sighs with resignation and changes into his sleepwear, which is the pair of loose sweatpants and the old, worn out t-shirt with few holes he likes too much to throw out for some reason. He decides to paint his nails before going to sleep, because the black polish has partially chipped off already. An idea comes to his head when he finishes with his left hand. He glances at Hux's dangling arm and thinks that he should take the opportunity and prank him. Hux's pale hand is cold when Kylo takes it in his, very gently to avoid waking him up while painting his nails. This is just so fitting to his personality that Ren laughs under his breath. When he starts covering the first nail with black polish he feels some strange texture under his fingers. One place on Hux's palm is rough and bumpy, and Kylo keeps stroking it with curiosity. He turns the ginger's hand over, watching his face carefully to make sure he's not waking up, Hux sleeps like a rock though. Kylo's eyes widen as he traces the row of red crescents gouged in the soft skin with his thumb, feeling the dried up blood and rough edges of the cuts. The inside of Hux's hand is covered in already pale, moon shaped scars inflicted by his own nails. Kylo is struck by them, moved in a way that makes him check Hux's wrists and insides of his arms. He finds nothing there, under the sleeves of his sweater and suddenly feels stupid for even thinking that. Hux would never do that, he hurts himself but it seems like he isn't even aware when he does that. The still open cuts look pretty fresh, he probably got them during that party, before he left. Kylo doubts he had been intentionally digging nails into his palms deep enough to draw blood while he was drinking and socializing. He abandons the prank idea and goes back to his own bed. He finishes to painting his own nails, waits for them to dry and goes to sleep.

The noise of a plastic bottle being crushed wakes Kylo up. He yawns and stretches, and then looks with half open eyes around the room. He sees very disheveled Hux pressing a water bottle in his hands, when it's flat enough he takes the next one from underneath his bed, rips the cap off and gulps the liquid down greedily.

“A little thirsty, are we?” Kylo asks smirking.

“Shut up, Ren.” Hux cuts, his voice and attitude back to normal.

He squints at Kylo like the sunlight is too bright for him and hurts his bloodshot eyes. He's got dark circles under them and his hair is one greasy ginger mess. Hux looks like a shadow and Kylo finds himself unable to be irritated by him in that state even if he's bitter again. The black haired boy gets out of his bed to take a shower, his hair doesn't look much better probably. As he grabs his towel and proceeds to leave, Hux walks up to him, staring into his eyes like he's about to murder him. This time the shorter boy is the one to grab him by the hem of his shirt.

“Don't you dare to tell anybody what I've told you yesterday.” he hisses through clenched teeth, threatening him. “Or you'll regret it.”

Kylo snorts at that, but the look of Hux's eyes is somewhat frantic, desperate.

“And what you're gonna do if I do?” he taunts.

“Don't you fuckin test me. I mean it, Ben.”

“Okay, Bren.” 

Kylo mimics Hux's voice mockingly while calling him that name and Hux squints at him. The black haired boy thinks he's going to fight him right here right now and that thought strangely excites him. Nothing like that happens, because Hux lets go of Kylo's shirt and steps back, changing his face into an impassive mask again. His gaze remains fierce, however.

“I thought you were going to hit me for a second there.” Kylo says not hiding his disappointment. “Are you scared?

“I've KO'd you in two seconds the last time, remember?” Hux folds his arms over his chest.

“Yeah, you had a weapon. You have no chances with me in a fair fight.”

“I could have beat you if you didn't take me by surprise. All you do is just terrorize people, can you like, win a sparring match for example?”

“Well try me.” Kylo is more and more amused by how this morning is going. 

“Okay. We're settled then.” 

“Meet me in the showers in one hour then, I'd like to eat something and clean myself first.” he says and leaves the room.

Hux enters the part of bathroom where the showers are, and sinks are placed. The room is larger and more open than the corridor, so nothing will get in their way while they fight with each other. Kylo is smiling defiantly, he had doubted if he was going to come here at all, but Hux isn't a coward. He walks up to the black haired boy with a perfectly straight back and determination in his eyes. He's fully clothed while Kylo remains in his sweatpants only.

“Take off your shirt.” Kylo orders.

“Excuse me?”

“We're fighting with bare hands, no shirts or shoes.” he gestures at himself.

“Have you been watching Fight Club again recently?” Hux sighs, but proceeds to unlace his shoes. Kylo blushes slightly and goes silent at that, because indeed, he watched Fight Club yesterday. “No hits in the head, or choking.” Hux adds.

Hux folds his shirt and sweater neatly before leaving them on the windowsill. He returns to the center of the room and takes some sort of combat stance with his knees bent a little and fists clenched prepared for attack. Kylo snorts, because he looks so tiny. Still, he hits first without a warning, aiming for Hux's solar plexus, but the ginger boy dodges the blow. Kylo takes another swing, to hit him in the shoulder this time, and again his fist punches the air as Hux jumps back. The next three attacks end up the same way, Kylo is practically following Hux around the bathroom trying to hit him and failing constantly. His small size works in his favor with strategy like this. Kylo gets irritated and bored by Hux dancing around him like that.

“Are you going to actually start fighting me today? Or are you too much of a coward?” Kylo taunts.

Hux doesn't reply, but the focused look on his face becomes more intense as he furrows his eyebrows. Ren strikes, aiming for his left shoulder again. Hux darts to the side before Kylo's fist reaches him, then recoils and kicks the taller boy under his knee in counterattack. It hurts a bit, but doesn't throw him out of balance like it should, Hux's kick is just too weak for that. 

“Good!” Kylo smiles, encouraging his opponent.

He goes for Hux's thigh this time and misses again, earning light punch in the ribs. Hux definitely knows how to fight in theory, but he lacks exercise and actual, physical strength to deal any damage. He's got good strategy, he had been watching Kylo in the beginning, learning the way he moves and how he attacks. This time Hux strikes first, with fast blow meant for his chest, which Kylo blocks easily. 

“You need to make it come from your hips, not arm. That way you get more force.” he instructs while deflecting next feather-like punch. “Move your hip first, and make your arm and fist follow it.” the next hit is stronger. “Yeah, just like that!” he heartens Hux who's warming up finally.

The ginger boy takes a swing and this time Kylo dodges, grabbing Hux's forearm and knocking him over by kicking the back of his knee, demonstrating how he should have done it. Hux groans after falling on the tiled floor and props himself on his elbows. Kylo smiles at this sight, pleased with the fact that he's better at something than the boy viciously glancing up at him. He's enjoying this too much, it's not a serious fight, but more like a game he's winning, plus watching Hux's reactions is entertaining. He's pulling his most smug looking smile when he gives him a hand.

“One more time Hux, come on!” he says with some new energy while offering his help.

Hux's spite fades because of this gesture, replaced with confusion, he blinks like he isn't sure if Kylo's outstretched hand is some sort of hallucination. He slowly reaches out to take it, with hesitation in his movements. Ren pulls him back to his feet and takes a fighting stance with his guard up, ready for the next round. Hux charges at him with new eagerness.   
That one more time turns into three more rounds. Hux has lost all of them, ending on the floor one way or another, but he's not surrendering. Kylo likes this, the fact that he's so determined to win at least once. For the first time, he can see passion in him, the next thing he doubted that Hux even is capable of. The ginger boy fights worse with every passing second though. He's panting and sweating already, tired by dodging Kylo's attacks, his movements are slower than before, so he can't manage escaping all of Kylo's hits. He has absolutely no stamina, thirty minutes of physical activity and he's basically dying. It's commonly known that Hux's top grades are being constantly ruined by P.E. He has A's and B's in everything and then a big, fat D from P.E. Now Kylo knows why. 

“Your condition is shit, Hux.” Kylo says as he dodges Hux's riposte. “You can't fight for much longer than five minutes.”

“That's why I prefer to take down my opponent with one hit.” Hux breathes out with crooked half-smile forming on his face.

His breath comes out in short, ragged puffs as he dodges three fast punches. He staggers on his feet a little and Kylo takes advantage of it, charging at him like a bull to make him fall to the floor again. Ren realizes that he's going down with him, when he loses his balance. The walls shift and floor is no longer where it should be. The fact that the fall isn't as painful as it should be surprises Kylo. Suddenly he feels sharp pain in his arm. He shouts and recoils, trying to get away from whatever is causing it, crushing his flesh. It's from Hux, because he's the one sinking teeth into his skin, hitting and clawing at him frantically. It hurts, this is not a game anymore. Kylo tears himself free from the ginger's jaws and straddles his legs. They struggle with each other, Ren tries to hold him in place until he calms down. Hux writhes under the taller boy trying to wrench himself away, creating friction between them as Ren regains control over the situation. Finally Hux is immobilized by the pair of large hands pinning his wrists to the tiles.

“What the fuck, Hux! You bit me!” Kylo shouts right in his face.

Hux stops wriggling in his grip and stills himself, looking like he's processing what Ren has just said to him. He was panicked, probably not even thinking what he was doing. He's still shaking a bit when he focuses on Kylo's face.

“I thought you attacked me for real again!” he yells back at him.

“No... I didn't want to hurt you. It was an accident, I went a bit over the top...” 

They are so close that Kylo can almost hear Hux's rushed heartbeat. A realization slowly makes it's way into his mind, he becomes aware the fact that he enjoys that closeness in some strange way. He studies the boy beneath him carefully. There's a flush all over Hux's face and even his chest is a bit pink from exertion. He's still breathing heavily through those slightly parted, plush lips. Why is he staring at his lips?! He looks away quickly just to get lost for a moment in the pair of sparkling, green eyes. His gaze travels lower to his chest rising and falling, his tiny waist and slight hips, like many times before when Hux was changing. Kylo likes all those things. It's a bit like in that fantasy of his; Hux laying under him, pinned to the floor, squirming and shivering, but not quite, because he doesn't want to hit him until he cries anymore. He's confused with sudden emptiness in his head, like he'd forgotten all the words. 

“Um...Ren?” Hux's now entirely calm voice reaches his consciousness. “Can you let go of me?”

Just then Kylo realizes he has been holding Hux down stretched on the cold floor all the time. He quickly releases his wrists and pulls back sitting on his heels, just to suddenly remember that Hux's thighs are still between his.

“I'm sorry.” he mumbles as he stands up abruptly, almost losing his balance again.

Before Hux manages to get back on his feet, Ren storms out of the bathroom overwhelmed by the new sensation that makes him blush bright red on his way back to the room. No, this can't be true. It has to be some sort of adrenaline rush, Phasma couldn't be right about this. He doesn't feel anything but hate and contempt for Hux... Except that he does. Hux can't find out about this new feeling in any case.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before posting this chapter I had a serious dilemma about Hux's name, because Pablo's tweet about how it can be anything but not Brendol. Still I decided to keep it just for the sake of Kylo calling him Bren, when Hux calls him Ben.
> 
> In the next chapter: Brendol Hux Senior appears and Ren gets a little clingy.


	6. Breaking point

Hux stares with contempt at the writing on the door in front of him that says: 'Nobody sux a dick like Hux'. Fucking toilet poets. Perhaps he wasn't entirely without blame here, because indeed, he had sucked a dick at the last party. They were playing spin the bottle and had to make out with each other as a dare. This became a slippery slope that led them to the bathroom. He sighs making a mental note that he should stop drinking so much. This escapade became the most spicy gossip in school. It had been almost a week and this topic hadn't died out yet. Besides, some people claimed that they had seen and heard a drunk ginger on the streets that rainy night. Even teachers were talking about this. And then fucking Ren happened.  
The dimmed memory of him spilling his insides for Ren in the alcoholic haze gives him ambiguous feelings. First of all there is disgust for himself and his pathetic behavior, the way he exposed himself to Ren, a person who he didn't even trust. Besides his roommate, only Phasma knows about his problems, and he had known her since they were seven years old. He was surprised that him being kicked out of his house wasn't on everybody's lips this Monday. He couldn't sleep that night before school, laying on his side and digging his nails into his palms until they were bleeding again. Luckily Ren didn't notice the red stains on his covers, or the bloody mess the insides of his hands currently are. This memory, however, also gives him an undefined, warm feeling in his gut. If he came back home in state like that, there would be nobody who would listen to him. Hux was grateful for Ren just sitting there, right next to his bed, and talking to him, even if he didn't want to admit that. It was the first time somebody saw him crying and comforted him. His father used to tell him to go to his room, and sit there until the heavy tears stopped running down his cheeks. He had learned that crying would do nothing by the time he was five that way. That Friday night he was so overwhelmed by the fact that Ren was there for him that it made him do stupid shit, like touching his hair and catching him by his wrist to stop him from leaving. Now he's only embarrassed by those gestures. Still, it was worth it,if just for acknowledging the fact that Ren's luxurious hair is as soft as it looks. He should definitely stop drinking.  
Hux leaves the toilet knowing that somebody will regret their inability to shut up.

The cafeteria is full of people because it's too cold to eat outside. The gang always sits at the same table, almost in the middle of the the room. Phasma takes the seat at the head of the table, and the rest of the crew at the sides. Hux chats and laughs with them as always, ignoring the curious looks and whispers. They can see the whole place from there; Hux spots Ren sitting alone by a small table in the corner. He has his headphones on and his dark hair are covering half of his face. 

“Maybe we should ask him to come here.” Phasma suggests, looking directly at Hux.

The whole squad follows the ginger's gaze. When they see Ren, they go silent in confusion. A second later they burst into laughter, except Mitaka who just smiles awkwardly. Hux laughs too, but Phasma stays silent. 

“Good one Phasma!” Thanisson manages to say, still a little out of breath. “You sounded so serious, you got me there for a second.” 

“I am serious.”she cuts.

“Really? Fuckin Crylo Ren?” Rodinon looks at her through his lashes as he asks with disbelief.

“He looks like somebody who cries when he masturbates.” Thanisson chuckles.

“Well I've heard him sobbing under his blanket several times.” Hux says lowering his voice.

“I knew it.”

“I've heard that he keeps a picture of his dead grandpa under his pillow.” Rodinon whispers.

“Does he, Hux?” Pieri asks raising his eyebrow and smirking. “You probably know the best since you sleep with him in one room. You should be a Ren expert by now.”

“Well, I have no reason to be in his bed, and I'm not that nosey to check what the hell he keeps there, unlike some people.” Hux rolls his eyes.

Pieri is his least favorite part of the squad since he tried flirting with him. He has face of a rat and that ridiculous virgin mustache, which he refuses to shave off. He said that he's not mad at him for the rejection, but Hux can tell by just looking and listening to him that he's jealous of him. 

“Maybe he gets off to his grandpa, he was famous, right?” Thanisson suggests.

“Ew, you are all equally gross.” Phasma sighs. “I think he'd fit in here.”

“That is a really bad idea.” Hux snorts and the rest nods.

“How so?” Phasma isn't giving up.

“I don't know, he could throw tantrum or something, besides Mitaka is scared of him after he kicked him once, and like Rodinon said, it's fuckin Crylo Ren.” Hux says defensively and makes Dopheld's face go bright red. “I suggest we vote like decent people. Who wants Ren here hands up”

Only Phasma raises her hand with serious look on her face.

“Sorry P, but the verdict is indisputable.” Hux shrugs.

They sit there talking shit about Ren for the rest of the break. It's nothing new, Hux used to do it a lot, like everybody in school, because Ren is just so obnoxious that it is simply hard not to. It isn't as funny to him as it had been before that night though. After the lunch he gestures at Trekk and Wan.

“I think we have to show some loser where is his place.” Hux says with a smirk and proceeds to introduce them to the details. 

His classes seem to have no end because he's stuck in a row of subjects he hates the most: history, art and social studies. He thought he would actually like art when he picked it up, since he had been interested in architecture. The things they were doing, however, were limited to fun and creative tasks like making a collage from newspapers and drawing horses. For the real drawing lessons he'd have to go to the art school. Ren is in the last two classes with him. The black haired boy seems to be indulging himself in drawing his knights and soldiers, while Hux finishes his fortress design. During social studies, Ren is sleeping with his head laying against his forearms, which are folded on the desk. He can't sleep at night, so he tends to just pass out during more boring classes. Hux sighs, because there is still twenty minutes left of their teacher getting emotional over how unnecessary wars are. He feels like he's going to die of frustration if he doesn't say something. This leads to another passionate discussion between Hux and the pacifist teacher, ending with her calling him a terrible person. Hux doesn't see himself as one; harsh – yes, ruthless – maybe, but he has his heart on the right side. Ren is still sleeping when the lesson ends and everybody leaves the classroom. He's making little whimpering noises, because of something, most probably bad, he dreams of. Hux wakes him up on his way out, so he won't stay there overtime. This had happened a few times before. Ren looks up at him with still a little bit hazy eyes, and a faint blush on his cheeks. When he realizes that the person looming over him is Hux, he jumps back, as if the hand on his shoulder burned him. His blush becomes several shades darker as he averts his gaze. The ginger is a bit confused by this reaction, but he just shrugs the feeling off and leaves. It's Ren, being weird is normal to him. He goes to meet Rodinon and the beefcakes to begin the operation.

The bathroom boy is collecting things from his locker when Hux approaches him with delicate smile no.6 playing on his lips. He doesn't even know his name, and frankly, he doesn't care. The boy seems to be unsure what to do, so he just smiles back a bit awkwardly. He's really good looking with his pretty face and golden, curly hair. Hux looks at him through his lashes and bites his lip as he tells him he wants him now. The idiot falls for it and follows Hux to the bathroom. He didn't notice Rodinon waiting near the door, and even if he did, he wouldn't suspect anything. With the moment the bathroom door close behind them Hux turns around. His smile disappears instantly, replaced with the cold glare that could freeze a man's soul. The golden haired boy steps back when he sees Trekk emerging behind Hux's back from the separate room with toilets. He stops when he feels somebody behind his back, blocking the only way out. He gasps when Wan, who was waiting behind the door, pushes him down to his knees. The bathroom boy going pale and trembling is a satisfying sight.

“Now, we'll have a little chat about keeping secrets.” Hux says.

He gestures at his crew to take the blonde by the arms and follow him to the cabin he was in earlier. The bathroom boy whimpers and tries to beg when Trekk and Wan drag him brutally through the room. Nobody will interrupt them; Rodinon guards the door, besides all the classes have ended already.

“Would you look at this.” Hux says pointing at the poem. “Nobody sux a dick like Hux, a true masterpiece, it rhymes even.”

“This wasn't me, I swear!” the blonde boy whines.

“But you certainly inspired that talented person to write this piece of poetry.” Hux sneers with a disgusting smirk. “You see, this whole thing you've started is a stain on my record.”

“I told only one person I trusted, I didn't want this, I'm sorry, please let me go.” 

The boy is almost crying; Hux can't believe he had sucked off such a fucking coward. It makes him feel a foul taste in his mouth. They haven't even started yet and he's already begging for mercy, struggling against Trekk and Wan's hold. The beefcakes twist his arms back, making him shout. The blonde looks more like an animal than a person. It's most probably the first time somebody has dragged him down and humiliated like this. Lucky one, Hux thinks, however he's the one who will end this fortune. There always has to be that first time. He wanted to do the same to Ren, after the bastard strangled him. Watch how he gets beaten up and stripped from dignity. The only reason why Ren got away with it was the fact that even Trekk and Wan are afraid of him and they didn't want to do it. 

“I'll let you go,” Hux says slowly, dragging every word, “after you lick this shit clean.” He points at the door and the boy winces. “What? You don't like it? Well then, you can choose, you lick this, or these gentlemen will beat the shit out of you.” Hux nods at the beefcakes.

Trekk hits the boy with his huge fist to show him that those aren't empty threats. He laughs when the bathroom boy starts crying. The writing is on the doorknob level, so the blonde stays on his knees when he drags his tongue over the painted surface. Hux watches him silently, sitting cross-legged on the toilet, as he starts to lick faster, pressing harder, leaving the wet traces of saliva on the door trying to clean the marker off, but it still looks exactly the same. He tries to rub it off with his fingers but Hux yanks his hand back.

“No hands!” he scoffs. “Come on, try harder.”

“It's permanent!” the bathroom boy whines. 

His eyes widen with fear when the realization hits him. He looks up at Hux with drool on his face, and the silent question.

“Well, then we all know what that means.” Hux shrugs.

The bathroom boy wants to protest but before he manages to say anything he gets kicked in the stomach. He only gasps, writhing in pain on the floor. Trekk and Wan both laugh under their breaths when they yank him up and throw against the wall. At least they'll have their fun, Hux thinks watching the blonde boy trying to shield himself from the hail of blows. After five minutes of observing his suffering and listening to his whining, the ginger boy stands up, giving the signal to the crew. They stop hitting their victim who slumps to the floor with a weak, broken moan. His pretty face is now swollen and bruised, his lips are bleeding, and eyes are full of tears which run down his cheeks. He squeaks when Hux presses his head to the tiled floor with his foot. 

“Now, if you tell any teacher about this, I'm going to make sure that somebody will come for you and make it worse, understand?”

The bathroom boy nods under polished boot making a little, pained noise.

“When somebody asks what happened to you, tell them that you got attacked on the street and somebody stole your wallet or something.”

There is another nod.

“Good.”

“We're done here so quickly?” Wan asks, looking really disappointed.

“I leave him to you, flush his head or something, if you want.” Hux answers as he leaves the bathroom with his hands clasped behind his back.

People are anxious this afternoon. There's going to be a parent – teacher meeting in the evening, so everybody who received an F recently, or upset a teacher with something, is afraid. Hux was never one of those people, not only because he simply doesn't have any F's, but his behavior is flawless, well almost. His father wouldn't have to attend on those meetings in the first place. He had always said that he's too busy and that there is no real reason for him to sit an hour there. All he had been doing was receiving the paper with Hux's grades and listening how teachers were praising him. It was just a waste of time because Hux could bring him the paper himself the day after the meeting. 

So while everybody is worried, the ginger comes back to the dorm lighthearted. The room is opened, but Ren isn't inside. Hux sighs. How many times does he have to tell him to close the door when he goes somewhere? He takes off his coat and starts doing his homework right away so he'll have a free evening. While doing some math exercises, he glances at Ren's unmade bed. On the top of the rumpled blanket nest, there's a sheet of paper with a knight drawn on it. It's a pretty good drawing and Hux has to fight the urge to take a closer look. After a few minutes of math he gives up and sits on the double bed to look at it closely. The knight is wearing a black helmet with a hood over it. He wears a tattered robe under the black, damaged armor, and looks a bit like a mage. The design reminds Hux a bit of Dark Souls. It fits Ren's aesthetic; Hux wonders if his roommate invented it himself.

“What are you doing!?” Ren yells at him, standing at the door.

He runs up to him and takes his drawings away quickly, hiding them against his chest. He frowns, but there's also a faint blush on his cheeks. Hux wonders why; his works are pretty good, as much as he hates to admit that, so he shouldn't be ashamed of them.

“What the hell Hux, go back to your half of the room!” 

“Is that your character from a game?” Hux asks ignoring the order.

“What? No. It's my original character, you wouldn't understand.” Ren rolls his eyes. “You've made that stupid ass line and now you're crossing it yourself, you hypocrite.”

“It reminded me of one game I've played, and I was curious if you designed his armor yourself, that's all. Now I'm leaving.”

Hux goes back to his desk, sitting in front of his textbook again. Ren still stands in the same place with his drawings pressed to his chest, looking at Hux and then the floor. He shifts nervously as if he's trying to say something, but can't find the words. It moves something in Hux.

“If you wanted to see them you could just ask...” 

“Okay, can I see them?”

“Yeah.”

Ren sits on the edge of his bed right next to double desk and puts the papers down for Hux to see. The ginger boy looks at the first drawing of a black knight again. 

“So who is he?” Hux asks, remembering some post about people liking being asked about their OC's.

He can stroke Ren's ego a bit, give him the attention he needs. Of all things, Ren craves validation and praise the most. Hux had figured it out some time ago. The black haired boy hesitates for a second before answering his question.

“He was an errant knight, but now he's a mercenary. He's an exile and people don't like him very much because they think he's a demon. His mother was a sorceress, so he has some magical powers, like... he can read people's minds, for example, and heal himself. He's won a few tournaments, but that didn't make people respect him, so he started to work for whoever pays him.” Ren tells him with passion in his voice.

Hux puts the drawing aside to look at the second one, which is also the black knight, this time with a sword in his hand. His eyes catch a glimpse of something that intrigues him while Ren tells him the knight's story and shows more sketches of him. He takes the sheet of paper with a different character on it. He also wears an armor, but it's not worn out like the knight's one. It's shiny and has a crest on it; red sun on a black field. He stands with his back straight and head held high, looking very regal with a huge black coat draped over his shoulders. It wasn't his fancy attire that drew Hux's attention, however. The man doesn't have any helmet on, unlike the black knight. He has frown on his pale face, cold eyes, and pronounced cheekbones. His hair is combed and slicked back; blood red, not ginger, but he still looks familiar. Hux smirks. On the other side of the page are a few doodles of that man and the knight arguing about something. Also the knight looking done, with his arms crossed over his chest. 

“Who's that?” Hux asks, becoming more and more intrigued by this.

“Um... That's the general of the Dying Sun's Kingdom army.” Ren says and scratches the back of his neck. “The black knight works for them currently. The kingdom is ruled by vampires, so they don't mind the fact that he's called a demon, they actually like it. They want to destroy the sun so there will be an eternal night. So yeah, the general is a vampire.” He stops for a moment because Hux squints at him. “He's also a huge, cold-blooded asshole who thinks he's better than everybody and the knight hates him, but has to put up with him because he pays. The general leads the whole army, but can't fight for shit himself, and wears this giant coat and armor because he's really scrawny under all those layers.”

“And what does the knight do? He challenges him to a duel?” Hux snorts.

“No, because the general dies; eaten by a rathtar.” Ren says raising his voice.

“And what the hell is that?”

Ren goes quickly through his sketchbook looking for something. He finds the right page and holds the notebook in front of Hux's face, showing him sketches of some monsters. They just look like a big balls of tentacles with mouths full of sharp, shark-like teeth. In one picture the beast holds a ripped off leg with its tentacle and the other one eats the rest of an unlucky peasant. 

“Those are rathtars, they live in swamps and some people buy them and train them like guard dogs.”

“And they eat vampires apparently.”

“They eat everything, even trash, that's why they grow so big.” Ren replies. “They like to torture their victims before they actually eat them. They rip all their limbs off and then strangle them slowly. So the general was really suffering before he met his pathetic end, becoming a rathtar's shit. He died even slower, because vampires don't have to breathe, so the rathtar couldn't suffocate him and it ate him alive.”

“I see you have a whole story there, and you're calling me a nerd.” Hux says flatly. “Do they have any names?”

“Uhh, no, I can't think of anything good enough.” Ren averts his gaze for a moment.

“So they are just the knight and the general?”

“Uh-huh.” Ren answers without words.

Hux is flattered to be an inspiration for that general person in Ren's ridiculous story. Even if Ren called him a scrawny, cold-blooded asshole and trash, and then killed him. This is so dumb and pathetic that it's more amusing than hurtful for Hux, actually. He wonders if that was intentional, or if Ren based his OC's on them by accident and just went with it. 

He doesn't have much time for discussing more of Ren's scribbles and dramatic stories however, because Phasma texts him that she's going to be at the dorm in about ten minutes. After that sparring session with R,en Hux decided that he really needs to improve his condition. Also because the D from P.E. is dragging down his average. He'd started to run with Phasma. It's just ¼ of her usual route; he joins her when she's passing by the dorm, they run through the small forest nearby, and go back a different way. Hux returns to the room all sweaty and out of breath, and Phasma continues.  
Hux puts on his new running outfit, because he owned no sport clothes appropriate for outdoor activity in November before. He's not paying attention to Ren lurking somewhere behind him. He used to be uncomfortable with changing in the presence of another person, but after a few months he got used to it. Phasma waits for him in front of the building. After more or less ten minutes of jogging, he feels a dull ache in his chest and needs to slow down to a march. 

“Are you and Ren ever going to grow up?” Phasma asks out of the blue. “I mean, you live together, and you couldn't stand his company by the table?”

“Yes, exactly, I cherish every moment when I don't have to be near him.” Hux replies dryly.

“Mhmm, sure Hux. I can see that you don't enjoy people talking shit about him anymore like you used to.” Phasma says and looks away theatrically.

Hux frowns at that and quickens his pace. He can't understand Phasma for the first time since... he doesn't even remember. She's onto something involving Ren, he can feel this, but can't really tell what it is, and that irritates him.

“What's your deal with Ren anyway? You invite him to parties, want him to sit with us, go wherever I'm going... uou want him to be part of the crew? Forget it, he doesn't know what teamwork is, he's too much of a special snowflake for that.” he looks at Phasma for an answer but she just shakes her head with resignation. “What then? You want us to be friends or something?”

Phasma smiles a little at that. She can't even answer his question, because suddenly the realization hits him with a force that makes him stop in place abruptly. 

“Oh.” that was so obvious. “OH! ME AND REN, ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?!” Hux says it out loud, good thing that they are in the middle of a forest.

“You make a perfect match.” Phasma says making her most innocent face.

“We make-” Hux snorts mid-sentence processing what she has just said. “Do you even hear yourself? Me and Ren?” he tries to pour as much bitterness and contempt into his name as he can, but somehow it doesn't come out right. “Why don't you pair me with Mitaka? He's had a hopeless crush on me since, like, he saw me. Or with that prick, Pieri? Even that makes more sense than what you've just said.”

“Mitaka is far too pure and good for you.” Phasma cuts in. “And Pieri, please... The image would burn my eyes out.” she continues. “Just look at yourself, Hux. You are trying so desperately to have something with all those random acquaintances and you mostly get hurt. You need someone close, even if you don't see it yourself.”

“But what exactly makes you think that I have any... feelings... for Ren?” Hux says the word 'feelings' as if repulses him.

“God, Hux, you are so dense...” she sighs. “Let's start with the fact that you were so fascinated by him after the first day that you did all the research by yourself. Normally you'd make Pieri or Thanisson to do it. Then you were talking about Ren all the time. You cared so much that you stepped in when he was about to have a fight with that Poe boy and you got him away from there instead of just walking away. And you started wearing your hair like this.” She messes up his hair with no trace of gel in it. “And Ren likes you too.”

“If hitting me in the face and choking was his way of flirting with me, I'm afraid to take this to next level just for the health reasons.” He sneers unable to deny anything that Phasma said about him. He might have been giving Ren too much attention after all. “Only technically, because I'm not saying that there is anything to take to the next level in the first place.”

“I know you Hux, and I know that look on your face when you look at him and think that nobody sees it.”

“And I know you, and still can't believe that some stupid, I don't know, fantasy warps your perception, and makes you see things. There is nothing between me and Ren besides mutual hate and loathing. He called me cold-blooded asshole today.”

“Sure, think what you want. It's not always so simple.” Phasma ends and sets a faster pace.

They don't talk anymore. Hux processes all the stuff Phasma has told him and laughs internally at every part of it. Him and Ren together? Has she lost her mind completely? Perhaps she's just making fun of him, that's the most rational explanation. Still, she sounded a bit too serious. Nothing will happen in either case, however; Phasma can say whatever she wants, and that won't change anything with the fact that Ren hates him and vice versa. They've started talking with each other and stopped fighting everyday, but that doesn't mean anything. They've just got used to tolerating and living with each other, nothing more than that. 

They part on the crossroad; Phasma continues her route and Hux comes back to the dorm. As he reaches the parking lot his heart stops beating for a second and he almost slumps to the ground when he sees the shiny, silver Porsche right in front of the building. Brendol Hux Sr. is here. After the first wave of panic, Hux thinks that might be a good thing. If his father is here to ask him to come back, that means he have won their bet. That first day, when Ren had attacked him, Hux thought that he had to somehow live through it until Brendol broke and then he would go home. However, now, as he looks at this car, he doesn't feel like going home to his father, only the two of them in the house built for ten people. He doesn't want to sit silently with him at the table everyday, he doesn't want him controlling every aspect of his life again. Still, the bathroom is tempting... 

Hux finds it hard to move from the parking lot, but he can't just stand here forever. He enters the building like a victor to face his father. Brendol Hux waits in the office, looking around the place with bored expression. His son sees him right away and straightens his posture automatically, as if his back could be straighter than it already is. When they make an eye contact, it feels like a blizzard has swept through the place, taking the staff lady with it as she communicates that she'll give them a moment. Brendol seems even bigger than Hux remembers him. They have the same ginger hair and pale green eyes, but their body types are complete opposites. His father is so wide that two Huxs could fit in his jacket and his hands are more massive than Ren's. The fact that Hux was lithe, more like his mother, was always a problem for him. 

“Father.” Hux says as a greeting and waits for whatever will come. “Why are you here?” 

“To take you back home. You are not going to live here any longer, this place has had a bad influence on you. I should have never let you stay here.” Brendol says without a greeting; right to the point as always. “Go and pack your things.”

It's impossible to read anything from his father's face or tone. Still, Hux has a bad feeling, he doesn't know why, but there is something about how sudden all this was. The anxiety is mixed with pride, however, because his father broke first.

“So I've won.” Hux stays calm, but does a really poor job at concealing his satisfaction. “I didn't break as you said, I can live on my own.”

The short moment of silence that follows Hux's statement is one of the worst kind. Brendol's gaze hardens as he furrows his eyebrows. This is bad, he's angry, Hux fucked up. 

“You can live on your own?” Brendol snorts. “Your teacher called me today. You know what she said? That I should attend the parent-teacher meeting today. They called me to the school.” he puts a lot of empathy in the word 'me'. Hux freezes in panic. “And you know what I've learned? Apparently my son had been seen drunk in the street. She also told me that I should talk with you about self respect. They told me that I don't know how raise my own child, let alone what that lack of self respect could mean.”

Hux can't believe that they told him about that. Those were only rumors, besides what he chooses to do with his mouth shouldn't be any teacher's business. Anybody's business. It makes him sick. He feels like a child on the verge of crying again, small and helpless, waiting for his punishment. His father seems to grow even bigger in his eyes as he stares down at him with the too familiar expression, or rather lack of it. 

“It's not like-” he tries to save the situation somehow, but Brendol doesn't let him.

“Just look at yourself! Your hair is too long. Those were only three months and you've turned into a mess. You let people see you drunk, get into fights with your roommate, and you tell me you can live on your own? You need discipline boy, because without it you become a spoiled brat like all kids these days. If my father saw me like this I'd regret that I was born, so go and pack your things before I get really angry.” he says roughly and gestures at the door.

Hux obeys and rushes out of the office passing by the concerned staff lady waiting in the corridor. He's half delirious when he gets back to his room, not remembering how he even got there. His hands are bleeding again when he pulls the suitcases from underneath his bed and starts to put his clothes in it as fast as he can.

“Hux, what's wrong with you?” 

He hears Ren's voice, it seems to sound worried, but it might be only his imagination. Ren will get what he always wanted, finally, he'll have the whole room for himself. Hux imagines his roommate ripping off the black tape from the floor the second after he leaves this place, most probably forever. Not that he's going to miss him, but even Ren is better than empty rooms and silence filled with his father's anger and disappointment. The memory of that night when he came back to this room, drenched with rainwater, flashes between his rushing thoughts. 

“I have to go. My father is waiting for me downstairs. He's taking me home.” Hux manages to keep his voice flat, as if it was no big deal for him.

“Do you want to go?” Ren asks, he sounds weird, but Hux can't tell why.

“I don't really have a choice.” he breathes out while basically throwing his things into the suitcase.

Ren closes the space between them and grabs the sweater Hux is about to pack, getting Hux's full attention that way. The ginger boy lifts his gaze from the suitcase and looks at him. They just stand like that, face to face, holding the same sweater between them. Despite Hux being completely frightened of what is going to happen when he gets back to his house, he's almost perfectly cool and collected on the outside. Only his breathing is faster and more shallow than usual. 

“Have you ever disagreed on something with your father?” Ren asks.

“No.” Hux averts his gaze, unable to hold Ren's for the first time. “He's not like your mother, I can't just disobey him.”

“Yes you can, Hux. It's your life, he can't keep you locked up forever, like some sort of exhibit on display.” Ren's hands move to hold Hux by his arms. “You are your own person. If you don't want to go back to him, then don't.”

Is he even able to do this? Just rebel against his father Ren style and stay here? It would be like doing something against nature or common sense. Father tells and Hux obeys, it has always been like that. Following his orders, being a good boy. But hasn't he done that already in a sense? When he gave him those papers and made that bet? When he started smoking, or when he was getting drunk at parties, or when he gave a blowjob to a stranger? He did all those things partially because his father would hate it. 

“Hux?” Ren asks when the silence drags for too long.

“I'll do it.” Hux says it firmly, and looks him in the eyes again with new determination. “I'll tell him I'm staying here.”

As he makes this statement he feels more calm, as if the pieces of his scattered thoughts were getting back to their rightful places. The sense of control over his own life makes something click in his mind, which starts to work correctly again. He still fears his father, but now this fear is under control again. He's going to fight, not just go with the flow and wait for the bad thing to happen. Ren smiles for some reason as he watches him take a deep breath, and releases him so he can put his sweater back into the closet. Hux hears the familiar footsteps behind the door. 

“He's here. Don't do anything stupid, Ren.” he says and kicks the half filled suitcase back under his bed.

Brendol Hux had been a greater power, somebody above all other people. Hux has always feared him, and he doesn't even know why, after all, his father is a normal person like everybody else. He realizes that he controlled him only by that fear, and now he won't give that to him. When the door opens and Brendol enters the room, he tries to see him as one of the kids who had bullied him, his social studies teacher, even Ren on that first day in the dormitory. Hux will just treat his father like every other opponent, he will remain unbroken as he always does. He raises his head and stills his features. Brendol stops right in front of him and studies him for a while, before his gaze travels to Ren, who's somewhere behind Hux.

“I expected to see one of your suitcases ready to go by this time. Why aren't you packing.” the father says as he paces through through the room. “I thought I expressed myself clearly.”

“I'm not packing, because I'm not going anywhere.” Hux replies with a stern voice.

That makes Brendol look at him again, he raises his eyebrow and folds his arms over his chest looking down at him. He makes some sort of dismissive half sigh, half snort. Hux holds his gaze this time, hating the fact that he still has to look up at him, and hoping that he'll grow a few inches more one day. Ren coughs somewhere in the back reminding Hux what he's supposed to do.

“What? Don't tell me you want to stay in this... place, with the person who choked you.” Brendol says gesturing vaguely at him.

“Yes, that is exactly what I want, so you can leave.” Hux's voice sounds like scraping over metal.

He went so far that he even told him what to do. This could end very badly, but somehow Hux feels more and more confident. His father winces and glares at him the way he did on that day when he threw him out. Hux doesn't break. They stand like that, in a silent duel, like two sculptures made of cold metal. 

“Brendol Hux Junior, you will take out the suitcase and start packing now. This is not one of your stupid games anymore.” Full name, this is getting serious, Hux has never gone this far. “What are you waiting for?”

“He told you that he's not going anywhere!” Ren says loudly drawing their attention.

“And who the hell are you?” Brendol asks.

“His name is Kylo Ren.” Hux says before Ren answers.

“What kind of name is that, sounds like something from your stupid games.” he snorts. “Nevermind. This is your last chance. Pack. Your. Things.” Brendol says that with a low growl somewhere in the back of his throat. This is a threat.

“No.” Hux swallows after he says that.

There is a dead silence that seem to drag for the eternity before his father turns around to leave. Hux feels a mix of fear and hope that this will end well and his father will just go away. He can't let himself think that he has won already, this is a completely new situation.

“Fine.” Brendol says surprisingly softly. “Stay, if you want, enjoy your next month here. They close this place for the winter break, remember that. You'll have to go back home anyway, if you want it or not.” Hux swallows at these words. “And then we will have a long talk.”

He smiles venomously and leaves the room, leaving him and Ren alone. Hux doesn't move for a while as if he has really became a statue. After the adrenaline disappears he feels spent and weak; he slumps onto his bed with quiet sigh. He made it, rebelled against his father. It's still hard for him to wrap his mind around this fact, it feels too surreal. He's proud of himself for staying strong, but there is also new kind of anxiety creeping to the back of his head. He has won this battle, but started a whole new war. 

Hux has no energy after the ordeal with his father. He goes to the showers almost immediately after that. After the hype of his victory fades, there are only doubts and anxiety left, his father's last words ringing in his ears. Maybe he had only made things worse for himself by delaying the inevitable like that. His father will most certainly drag him through hell for disobeying him. He will have to survive it with dignity, he doesn't have anything else to protect himself with. The squad can't help him here. It was a stupid idea, he shouldn't have listened to Ren. Hux goes to bed regretting the whole thing; he would be probably be laying in his own bed right now after a lecture, maybe with a ban on going out. He can only imagine what awaits him by the end of December.  
His dreams consist mostly of Brendol and empty rooms in his house. Hux is a small child again, running through the corridors with a wet face to hide in his room before his father sees him, so he won't be disappointed again. He reaches the right door and shuts it behind him. Hux crawls into the dark corner as usual and curls on himself, to become even smaller, wanting to hide from everything until he is presentable again. Somebody is in the room with him however; that has never happened before. He lifts his head and sees the other boy. It's Ren. Hux recognizes him by the black mane and big sticking out ears. He crouches next to him and reaches out. When his hand touches his shoulder, Hux wakes up. 

The room is dark, with only pale, silver light of the moon pouring through the window. The real Ren is tussling in his bed and mumbling something in his sleep. The noises he makes woke Hux up. He curses Ren's nightmares and gets up to calm him down as usual in situations like this one. The scream that leaves his roommate's throat suddenly makes him almost run up to the double bed. This is the worst type of his night terrors; he can't wake up and just keeps screaming. Hux sits on the edge of his bed, right next to his pillow and shakes him out of it. Ren inhales sharply and sits up abruptly, looking around as if he can't recognize the place he's in. Hux would normally tell him 'Calm down, it was only a dream', or something else along these lines, but he feels like he's breaking himself after the fight with his father. It's just too much, his always ordered life is crumbling and he doesn't know how to fix it. It's probably impossible, nothing will be the same anymore and this fact scares him. Hux finds himself unable to say anything comforting, so he just places his hand on Ren's trembling shoulder. Ren lifts his head upon feeling the touch; Hux can see the dark, shiny eyes in his pale face in the moonlight. It contrasts with raven hair surrounding it, looking almost white in the cold light. 

They sit and stare at each other for a while and then something so unexpected happens, that Hux isn't sure if this is reality or just another dream. Ren pulls him close, wrapping his arms around his waist and back. He hides his face against Hux's neck and starts sobbing. The situation is more surreal than him disobeying his father and making him leave this evening. Hux is in shock so deep that he lets Ren hold him like that. His body is completely stiff, his arms frozen by his sides as Ren presses himself close. He's so warm. Hux doesn't remember the last time when he felt something like that, it was probably back in the days when his mother was still with him. The black haired boy clings to him, still frightened by the nightmare. Hux doesn't think, as if his brain had some sort of malfunction. He doesn't know what to do, overwhelmed by all the warmth radiating from Ren. The feeling of the hot breath against his collarbones relaxes him somehow, making his muscles less tense. His head drops to his shoulder, so he can feel the soft locks brushing his cheek. The rest of his body follows leaning into the warmth. Hux closes his eyes and inhales Ren's scent; he knows it, because half of the things in room smell like that, but not even half as intense. It feels weird, but good to be held, even if he doesn't want to admit that to himself. As the time passes, Ren calms down, his sobbing turns into deep and steady breaths. Hux can feel every one of them hot against his bare skin. It calms him as well, pushes the nasty thoughts about his father away from his head. He still feels tired and sleepy, but a bit lighter now, somehow. He starts to drift away when he feels a gentle pull and a moment later he finds himself in a horizontal position on the mattress. A small sigh escapes his lips as his head falls against Ren's pillow. Hux realizes that his feet are still out of the bed, so he quickly fixes that by tucking them under the rumpled covers, without thinking much about it. Ren takes one of his blankets and pulls it over Hux, before his hand goes back to touch his back. This has to be the next dream because the real Ren, as well as the real Hux, would never do such a thing. This, or Phasma is right about the fact that Ren likes him after all. Everything around smells like Ren in this dream; the pillow against his face, the blanket and the sheet, Hux most probably has his scent now, too. The large hand moves slowly along his back tracing the knobs in his spine, and making him sleepy again. It's so warm and soft in here that Hux's mind starts to drift away. His thin fingers find their way into Ren's hair and stay there, brushing the soft locks absently.

“Ren...” Hux mutters not sure what he even wanted to say.

“Shhh... Sleep.” Ren whispers that against the sensitive skin of his neck.

Hux follows the order, half unconscious already, too exhausted by this day to protest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is an au within au now.
> 
> In the next chapter: Ren finds Hux sleeping beside him in the morning and is way too happy about it. Hux not so much.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've changed the writing style, it's in past tense now, because I'm more comfortable with it.
> 
> Also there is a suicide mention in this chapter, just saying.

The pillow felt soft against Kylo's cheek. He was so warm that he didn't want to move out of the bed yet, however he was aware that the alarm clock would probably start beeping at him in a short time. He opened his eyes and froze, holding his breath, afraid to make any sound. Hux. He laid right in front of his face, in the dim light of a gray November morning, still sleeping. Kylo exhaled slowly, as if his breathing could wake him up or make him disappear. They weren't pressed to each other anymore, Hux had to have distanced himself in his sleep somehow, but he was still facing Kylo.   
Hux slept with his lips slightly parted. He looked so peaceful without his usual frown, which made him look like he was constantly smelling something bad. Kylo would like to see this expression more often; every morning would be fine. The tousled ginger hair covered his roommate's forehead and eyes, the light eyelashes barely visible through it. Kylo had always thought that Hux didn't have those, but they were there, just too bright to be noticeable from the distance, almost translucent. The blanket Kylo had covered him with slipped from his shoulder leaving the bare skin visible. Hux looked like he was made of porcelain that morning, with his skin so pale, clear and smooth, his frame so delicate. One of Hux's hands was hidden under the pillow, and the other one, which had caressed Kylo's hair until they'd fallen asleep, was still close to his neck. His wrist was so thin that Kylo could have closed his index finger and thumb around it.

Ren felt like he was about to freak out, yesterday he had been thinking that this would be impossible, that he had to stop feeling the thing for Hux, the thing that was now unfurling somewhere in his stomach and spreading through his body in warm waves. This feeling wasn't entirely alien to Kylo, he felt it last time while he was watching Poe arriving to school on his motorbike, but in that case it ended just on that. He had never told him about it, or did anything that could give him the idea. Poe didn't know about Ren's feelings until the match for some reason. That started the whole argument. 

When Kylo realized that he had been feeling the same thing for Hux, he decided that he had to kill this feeling somehow, tear it out of himself, because the ginger boy hated him, and Kylo would only end up rejected and laughed at again. He was apparently wrong. He could feel one of Hux's legs against his own under the covers. The touch was real, Hux was real and he slept in one bed with him. Getting him here was so easy, even if Kylo hadn't been really thinking about what he was doing. Hux had to like it, maybe he felt the same thing for him? It was only a speculation, a bold one, but if Hux didn't want that, he would push him away and leave. Maybe he had been thinking the same, that he had to kill his feelings for Kylo, and that's why he was always so mean to him. Still, those were only Kylo's hopes.  
The black haired boy felt like reaching forward and touching his roommate's face. Hux's breath was deep and steady as Kylo tried to calm down his rushing thoughts. He was too afraid to wake him up, because he didn't know what Hux would do the moment he saw him so close. He had never feared him like other people, but still he might freak out. Kylo couldn't resist the urge to touch Hux again; he slowly reached out and brushed the fiery hair off his eyes. Hux moved a little, nuzzling his face into the pillow, but nothing more. This made Kylo blush and almost giggle, because all he could think in that moment was how cute it was. He'd never done anything so intimate with another person. The sight of the boy laying right next to him was mesmerizing, he found himself unable to stop his fingers from touching the ginger's cheekbone. His hand rested there cupping Hux's face as his thumb moved slowly to trace the perfect shape of his lips. While Kylo was discovering how soft those lips were, the pair of pale green eyes fluttered open.   
They made an eye contact and for a second it felt electric, right before Hux's eyes widened and he abruptly moved away from Kylo. 

“What the fuck, Ren?” he breathed out in shock.

Those words felt like a slap in the face, or worse. Kylo wanted to stop Hux from leaving and explain everything. He reached out again, but before he managed to say anything Hux launched himself out of the bed, grabbed his bathroom things and left. The whole thing took a second and Kylo was alone. When the angry beeping of the alarm clock cut through the silence, Ren's eyes were wet. 

Hux had been avoiding Kylo the whole morning before school, so Kylo felt like shit that day. He knew that he shouldn't have hopes for anything and the ginger boy hated him after all. People steered clear of him as well, but it was rather a good thing, he just put on his headphones and listened to music during every break between classes. He saw Hux passing through the halls few times, and every time his roommate noticed him as well, he averted his gaze. With every passing hour Kylo was becoming less sad and more angry about it. He couldn't understand it; Hux had let him wrap his arms around him without a single protest, and Ren was sure that he had heard that little, contented sigh from him when he pulled him onto the mattress. He could swear that Hux enjoyed that as much as he did, judging by how he leaned into his touch. So what the hell happened? Was the boy who had rested his head against his shoulder a different person, or was Hux doing that just to keep up his image of somebody with a chunk of ice instead of a heart? Hux wasn't scared of him as a person that's for sure, so he was doing it to either fuck with him, or he didn't know what he wanted himself. Both options were equally irritating.

When Kylo saw Hux and his gang right in the middle of the hall standing in his way, he couldn't just ignore him. He had to know what this was all about, what Hux's feelings were, why he wanted to be held by him in his sleep just to escape in the morning. These question already made him furious; people were moving away when he approached the ginger boy. The atmosphere became so tense that even people from Hux's gang stepped back. Only Phasma and Hux remained unmoved.

“We need to talk about what happened last night.” Kylo started in low voice, piercing Hux with his eyes.

“Um... And what happened exactly?” Hux answered with a question, looking like he didn't know what Kylo was talking about. 

Hux crossed his arms over his chest. His hair was combed back and gelled again, looking like a shell, the way Kylo didn't like. Why did this stupid, ginger asshole even make him feel things? He looked like lizard, a really scrawny one, with cold eyes and a nasty personality. Kylo hated him for the fact he liked him, if that made any sense. There was nothing likeable about him, but still... That conflict inside Kylo's head was more frustrating than the pure hate ever was. He felt like exploding at any moment. The fact that Hux decided to pretend that nothing happened between them was only adding fuel to the fire.

“You know what.” Kylo could feel his face getting slightly red as he said it.

“I don't, but if you're talking about the food...” 

Hux didn't manage to finish his sentence because Kylo lost it at that moment. Even Phasma stepped back when he grabbed Hux by his collar and pushed him against the lockers. The metallic clash echoed through the halls drawing people's attention to them, but Kylo didn't care about them in that moment. He was focused on Hux, who was glaring at him and gritting his teeth, however he didn't fight back. His hands remained still by his sides. Kylo was close enough to see his eyelashes clearly again. So close that he could kiss him, here, in front of everybody. 

“Don't pretend that it didn't happen.” Kylo hissed into Hux's ear, quiet enough to be heard by nobody besides him. “I know you liked it.” 

He pulled back again to see that Hux's cheeks became slightly red as well, even if he was still frowning at him. For a moment he looked like he wanted to say something, dare him to press his lips to his in front of all those people watching them. Kylo smirked at that thought, even if it was only his imagination. He felt Hux exhaling through his mouth as they held each other's gaze. The ginger boy broke the eye contact first, his eyes shifting to look at something behind Kylo's back. 

“What's going on here?!” the sharp voice of the math teacher pulled Kylo out of his angry kissing fantasy. “Let him go immediately!”

“I'm fine!” Hux huffed with irritation and looked back at his attacker.

Kylo was probably imagining things again but he thought that he saw him biting his lip before the teacher separated them. The crowd surrounding them hit him like a shockwave, as if the second he was away from Hux he became aware of the rest of the world. The anxiety crept to the back of his mind as he passed by all those people staring at him with a mix of curiosity and fear, as if he was a lion in a circus, led by the math teacher to the principal's office again. He looked back at Hux, who was most probably assuring Phasma that he was alright. The anger quickly disappeared, replaced with discomfort and regret. Kissing Hux in the middle of the school, what a stupid idea.

Kylo managed to avoid being suspended only because he did nothing more than pinning the ginger against the lockers, and Hux ensured everybody that he wasn't hurt. He wanted to protect his pride, not his roommate most probably, but still it helped Kylo a lot.   
He went straight to the gym after classes, to release at least some of his frustration. He changed into his P.E. clothes, put his hair onto a messy bun and started his usual workout routine with his headphones on. Simple exercises weren't helping him at all. Despite his efforts to not think about Hux, his mind was going back to him. He shouldn't have had any hopes that this would be so easy. Nothing with Hux was easy for him. Kylo felt like hitting somebody, so he moved to the punching bag when it was free. He didn't have any gloves or bandages, besides he liked how his fists hurt with every blow. This was helping; Kylo lost himself in hitting and kicking the bag, letting out all the rage that was left in him from the morning. The stinging pain of his knuckles felt good, calming even.   
When he was done he realized that somebody had been watching him the whole time. Phasma was leaning against the wall with her arms crossed over her chest and smirking at him. He frowned at her in return. What was she even doing here? 

“Hey Kylo” The smile on her face grew wider as she approached him.

“What?” he blurted out before he thought that it would be nicer to say hello first.

Phasma rolled her eyes with a sigh at that, but didn't seem less enthusiastic.

“Will you tell me what happened last night between you and Hux?” she went straight to the point. “ What really happened, because Hux won't tell me. He sticks to his story about how you caught him eating your food and you both had a fight again.” 

Normally, he would snort at that, but he didn't have the slightest desire to tell Phasma about their night. Still, the story was way below Hux's standards, he probably invented it the moment Kylo approached him. He was bad at improvising. Anybody who knew Hux at least a little would know it was a blatant lie, because Hux would never steal somebody's food.

“It's nothing.” Kylo said averting his gaze.

“I don't think so.” Phasma didn't give up. “That nothing made you almost kiss Hux in the middle of the damn hall.” she dragged her words teasingly. “In front of quite a big audience, you both didn't seem to mind.”

“Fuck off.” He turned away because his cheeks began to blush again. Was she a mind reader or something?! “I didn't kiss him.”

“Yet.” Phasma hovered over his shoulder uncomfortably close. “Come on. Tell me.”

“There's nothing to talk about.” 

“I bet there is. I see you're blushing.” 

For a short moment Kylo considered hitting her. He walked away angrily instead, undoing his hair and trying to hide his reddening face in in. Good thing there weren't many people around, and nobody paid attention to him. Phasma followed him briskly, and blocked his way.

“Kylo...” she insisted.

“I won't tell you anything, forget it.” Kylo was getting more and more irritated and full of regret. Why did he do that in school? He should have just passed by and leave Hux be.

“Kylooo...”

“Nope.”

“Kyloooooooo...”

“Go away.”

“Kylooooooooooooo...”

“Okay, alright, I'll tell you jeez!” he almost shouted it as his frustration reached the breaking point, drawing the unwanted attention to them. “But not here.” he added and quickly left the room.

Phasma stopped him in the corridor pointing at the big radiator in some sort of niche. She sat there so people could walk through without a problem, minding their own business. Kylo stood there feeling like running away. It was so painfully awkward that he wanted to disappear. He looked at Phasma with silent pleading to let him go, but she only encouraged him with a gesture of her hand. He took a deep breath trying to plan how is he going to tell her the thing. She somehow knew it anyway, so there was no point in lying or escaping anyway.

“Okay... Imightlikehux.” it wasn't even close to what he had in his head, and he said it so quickly, that all the words melted into one.

“Come again?” Phasma leaned forward a bit.

“I said that I might like Hux.” he exhaled heavily as if some great burden just left him. 

“Might?”

“Okay. I like Hux.” Kylo stuttered and looked at his toes feeling how hot his face was. “But I also hate him.” he added quickly. “He's just so irritating and I want to hit him, but then I also want to hold him close and... and it's so confusing...” his voice turned into something like half whine at the end as he hid his burning face in his hands.

“See? Was that so painful?” he felt her reassuring touch on his shoulder when Phasma said it in warm tone. “Now that we have the difficult part behind us, let's move somewhere else. And you will tell me what exactly happened. This isn't the best place to talk about stuff like that.”

Kylo Ren had always hated malls. They were too loud and too crowded; too many different sounds at once from every direction, too many things screaming “look at me”, “buy me” at the same time. He felt lost and overwhelmed by all that information bombarding him, besides he hated crowds.

“Just how is this a better place to talk?” he asked Phasma who looked way too relaxed there.

“Nobody pays attention to you here. You could describe having brutal sex with him with all the juicy details and nobody would notice.” She shrugged. “Besides you can buy coffee here, and this place doesn't smell like sweat. So, again, what happened?”

Kylo looked behind his back to make sure that nobody was watching and listening to them, but as Phasma said, they were practically invisible. Everybody was just minding their own business, eating something, or looking at their phone. Kylo tried to sit more comfortably in his chair and took a deep breath. 

“So... I had a bad dream, it happens often and Hux wakes me up, so he woke me this time as always, but he was so sad... His father wanted to take him away and he didn't go with him. His father is fucking scary, like Hux, but ten times more intense...” he started awkwardly getting lost in his own sentences.

“I know about his father, Hux told me that at least.” Phasma interrupted. “Brendol Hux Senior is a different problem.”

“Right, so I could tell there was something wrong with him, because he didn't say anything, just touched my shoulder like that...” he demonstrated by putting his own left hand on her right shoulder. “I wasn't really awake then, and I wasn't really thinking... I don't know where my brain was... but... uhhhh... I kinda hugged him? And then we were both laying next to each other in bed, and well... we ended up sleeping like that.” Kylo was looking down and nervously playing with his hoodie while talking “He seemed to like it you know? When we... were close... I thought he has to like me too, but then, when he woke up in the morning he just ran away.” When he raised his head Phasma had wide smile on her face.

There was a moment of silence between them as Phasma thought about what Ren had just told her. Kylo thought that she would laugh at him for even liking Hux and thinking it's mutual, but nothing like that happened. Spending time with Phasma wasn't unpleasant somehow, even if he hated the place. He felt strangely lighter after he told her about Hux.

“And now he pretends that nothing happened, am I right?”

“Yeah.”

“Hmm... I think you should play that game with him.” Phasma said slowly. “Pretend that nothing happened as well.”

“But that doesn't make any sense. How is that supposed to help? How is he going to like me if I pretend that I don't like him?” 

“Look, he likes you already, but he treats everything like a game, and you are his opponent. He always do the exact opposite of what you're doing. If you do something according to him for once, he won't know how to act, you'll confuse him. Besides, he'll stop being so stubborn because there won't be a reason to. He'll probably start to regret that he was an asshole to you.” Phasma clarified.

Kylo was skeptical about this plan, but maybe she was right? After all she had known Hux much longer than him and was his best friend, or something like that. Still, playing that game would be hard for him, Kylo had never been good at pretending. He just couldn't keep his feelings in, or put on a mask and make everybody think he's fine. Hux was the one good at that, not Kylo.

“Fine.” he said finally, because that at least was something. “Maybe you're right. 

“When you have any problem with Hux you can always talk to me.” Phasma gave him that warm smile again.

“Why are you helping me with this?” Kylo blurted out, because he couldn't resist asking this anymore.

“Well, because both of you are such emotionally constipated children it's painful to watch.”

When Kylo returned to the dorm, Hux wasn't in the room. It was Thursday, not Friday, so he couldn't be partying. Normally he would have come back straight after school and done his homework to have a free evening so he could stream. Kylo's first thought was to text him and check if he's alright, but then he remembered that he was supposed to pretend that he didn't care. He put his phone back in his pocket and kicked his boots off. Hux was most probably alright, he could manage living on his own when he wasn't drunk. Kylo crawled into his bed and took his laptop out like every evening. There was history homework due tomorrow, but the teacher hadn't been checking if he had done those anyway.   
Snoke was online, so they talked for a while about Kylo's problems and life in general. Kylo avoided Hux's topic, however. For some reason he didn't want to talk about him with his most important teacher, even if he encouraged him to bond with the ginger. It was enough that Phasma knew. He still trusted Snoke of course, but something was telling him that it would be better to keep this whole thing in secret until Hux either accepts or rejects him. He didn't say no yet after all.

The social studies textbook ditched in the corner of his desk caught his eye for a moment. He couldn't push away the embarrassing memory it brought. It would be a disaster if Hux could read his mind the moment he had awoken him after class yesterday. The rumor about Hux sucking somebody off at the party was shocking to Kylo as much as to the rest of school. The perfect student body president with a stick up his ass couldn't possibly have done such a thing, right? However Hux had surprised him more than once, so that might have been true. Ren could feel his face getting slightly warmer as the image hit him again. He had dreamed about Hux in that bathroom, but instead the random guy, Kylo was there with him. Some shitty pop music was muffled by the closed door, and the floor was trashed with bottles and plastic cups. Hux was drunk as fuck, swaying on his feet as he approached him. For some reason his lip was split again and bleeding, as if Kylo hit him a moment ago. His cheeks were flushed the same way as during their sparring session, but his hands were cold against Kylo's skin. Sadly the sensation of Hux's lips pressed to his faded away from his memory, but he remembered the fact that they were there. Later they were also on his collarbones, then they trailed down his chest and belly as Hux sank to his knees between Kylo's legs. One of Kylo's hands found its way donwn to entangle in the fluffy ginger hair while the slender fingers were working their way through his belt and pants. Kylo would never tell anybody about this; it would be a secret, one moment belonging only to them. The sound of the door opening wasn't the part of the dream; Hux entered the room and put his bag on top of his desk. 

No hello, no fuck off, he just completely ignored Kylo and pulled his coat off. Ren came back to the present, his wet dream from social studies class already retreating to where it crawled from.

“Where have you been?” Kylo asked looking at the screen of his computer and trying to make it sound as if he didn't care.

“I've stayed in school to do some student council paperwork, you're not interested in this, trust me.” Hux replied flatly, as usual.

“If you say so.” Kylo needed to develop his own usual flat tone, but he doubted that anybody could reach Hux's level of blankness.

The ginger didn't continue this conversation as he proceeded making himself some sandwiches. Kylo had to bite back a bitter remark about his story about stealing food, after all he couldn't possibly know that. They were silent the rest of the evening, as if they had gone one month back in time.

The whole following week was like that. Hux stayed in school overtime to avoid Kylo until there was no more work left for him. They rarely talked and if they did it was only some irrelevant small talk. That night hadn't been brought up ever again. They were living their lives as if nothing had ever happened.  
Kylo was getting impatient and more anxious that Phasma's strategy would only make things worse. There were no signs of Hux regretting anything. Sometimes, when Hux was asleep, Kylo sat next to his bed and watched him, imagining his hand running through the ginger hair. It was creepy, but this was the only way to be close to him. In the moments like those he wanted to ditch that stupid game and take Hux in his arms again, but Hux would probably run away.

On Friday evening, Hux exceptionally stayed in the dorm. Kylo didn't know if there simply weren't any parties in town, or if Hux chose to rest tonight. They were brushing their teeth completely alone in the bathroom because people had returned to their homes for weekend already. Hux was quiet, and Kylo didn't feel like starting a conversation either. The ginger boy finished with his teeth earlier and moved away from the sink to dry his hands. The red stains on Hux's fluffy white towel reflected in the mirror struck Kylo. He didn't forget about the crescent shaped injuries inside Hux's hand, but this had to be more serious, there was too much blood for just a few scratches. He couldn't just ignore that. Hux shifted and tried to snatch his hand away when Kylo gripped and turned his wrist so he could see his palm. 

“Ren what are you doing?” Hux frowned at him trying to free his hand with no avail. “Let me go.”

There was no answer from Kylo who was too occupied with examining Hux's injuries. They were without a doubt inflicted by his own nails, but it looked like he was digging them repetitively in the same places to the point they had become severe. The moons, which looked more like shapeless holes now, were deep enough to reach the raw flesh and oozing with blood, pooling inside Hux's palm. Hux had to have scratched them in the shower, reopened them, and made them bleed gain. Kylo couldn't imagine how they had to hurt every time the reddened, sore skin stretched when Hux was doing anything with his hands. He pulled his roommate back to the sink, taking his arm under his own so the ginger had to look over his shoulder to see what was he doing. Kylo guided Hux's hand under the water again to wash away all the blood. He could hear Hux's displeased grunting and feel his warm breath at the base of his neck as the redness disappeared in the drain. 

“Don't go, okay?” he instructed before letting go of Hux's hand. 

The ginger boy stayed. Kylo took the small first aid kit off the wall, not really complete, because it contained only hydrogen peroxide, gauze and bandages. Nothing sharp, no painkillers or any other drugs. There was rather a grim story behind this small orange box.  
Last year there was a suicide attempt in one of the bathrooms. Some girl broke her razor and cut herself with the blades. People who found her said that the shower she was in was all red inside, but she was still alive. It happened in the middle of the night and they completely panicked; before somebody thought about using a shirt to stop the bleeding, the girl almost died. The staff had a first aid kit in the office downstairs, but they reacted too late. Kylo, and everybody who had been living there when it happened remembered that night. After that incident there were easily accessible bandages in every bathroom just in case.   
Kylo hoped nobody had planned their suicide for tonight. Hux hissed when Kylo disinfected his injuries and then gently dried them with gauze. He wrapped the bandage around Hux's palm and used his nail scissors to cut it. They were close while Kylo worked, giving the same treatment to the other hand which was in even worse state. It was the first time he had touched him since the moment he pushed him against the lockers in school, and the first time he had touched him tenderly since the morning he woke up next to him. His hands were cold like in Kylo's dream. After he tied ends of the bandage together Hux looked in his eyes though his light eyelashes. The green eyes remained locked with his for a bit too long before the ginger averted his gaze. He opened and then closed his mouth as if he thought about better words suddenly. Kylo still held his hand in both of his while Hux was thinking about the best way to put his thoughts.

“About that night...” he started quietly looking up again.

It wasn't the cold, emotionless stare he was used to crushing people with. Kylo could see that he struggled to keep the eye contact; he was so embarrassed that he wanted to look away again. There was hesitation and anxiety in his eyes, but also hope, and something like silent pleading. He looked so vulnerable that Kylo found himself unable to speak for a moment. If somebody told him that this person with puppy-like eyes was a cold and emotionless asshole who terrorizes people in school with his gang, he would call them a liar. The first thing he felt was the desire to wrap his arms round him again and never let go, but quickly after that another thought came to his mind. Kylo had to admit it was a petty and cruel idea, but also the perfect revenge for the way Hux treated him after he pretty much confessed his feelings. Besides, this was a part of the strategy in the game they were playing with each other. 

“What night?” Kylo didn't let Hux finish his sentence. The ginger blinked looking completely dumbstruck. He opened and closed his mouth again looking like a goldfish thrown out of the aquarium “I don't know what are you talking about, Hux.”

He thought that Hux would be mad and hate him, but he just stared at him in shock. Kylo let go of his hand and turned around sharply to grab his stuff and leave. It was rather brutal and didn't feel entirely good, but also not terrible; Hux deserved this for being an ass. The only thing Kylo was afraid of was that Hux would close himself and never let him in again. He looked back expecting a frown and usual freezing glare, but what he saw was completely opposite. Hux was still standing in the same place, leaning on the sink with his shoulders slightly hunched, and staring blankly in the space before him. He felt miserable and didn't bother to hide it. Kylo had to use all his strength to walk away and leave him alone there. In the moment he was turning his back to him he saw with the corner of his eye that Hux hid his face in his freshly bandaged hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hux regrets being an asshole.
> 
> In the next chapter: It's goint to get fluffy again.


	8. Chapter 8

Hux kept picking at the bandages covering his palms. They had become stretched and ugly after three hours of him trying to fall asleep with no avail. He just laid there looking at the ceiling and scratching the white dressing restlessly. Phasma had been so right about Ren, the idiot evidently had fallen in love with him. Hux groaned and turned to the side, pressing a pillow to his face. Having drooling Ren on his back wasn't the worst part; it was the fact that Hux had caught himself thinking about him too often during the last week. He had been feeling something different than hate, disgust and contempt and he wasn't happy with it. When Ren had thrown Hux's own words at him in the bathroom a few hours ago his chest had tightened with something close to regret, besides he had been so embarrassed that he even had forgotten to be angry. He had to be sick or too tired because there was no way he could have feelings for Ren. Crylo was a pathetic, obnoxious drama queen and Hux didn't want to do anything with him.   
He fought with his own thoughts, trying to not think about the way how Ren took care of his hands and how concerned he looked while he was doing that. As if he really cared if Hux was in pain or not. There was also that night he couldn't allow himself to think about in any case. He thought anyway, and the memory was doing... things... to him he didn't want. It was so ironic, he thought, because Ren was the one who's Instagram said 'I'm being torn apart' and Hux felt exactly like that when he remembered his warm hand tracing along his back.

Hours were passing as Hux tried to get at least some sleep with no avail. Good thing that he wouldn't have to get up to school early. He curled in on himself with his hands clenched tightly in fists and closed his eyes trying to clear his mind. It started working after a while, as he felt a bit more relaxed and began to drift into a slumber.

“Hux.”

He let out a frustrated sigh as the low voice pulled him out of that half sleep and ruined all his efforts to get there. Ren had to have heard how he had been shifting in his bed, great. 

“What?” Hux hissed. There was no answer, which made the ginger even more irritated about the whole thing. Was Ren playing with him? He closed his eyes and tried to repeat the mind clearing process.

“Hux.” Ren called him louder this time. Hux was starting to lose his temper and that was not achieved easily. “Hux!”

“What the hell do you want?” No answer.

Hux realized that Kylo Ren was calling for him in his nightmare. That had never happened before. It made him feel odd, as if something warm had unfurled in his abdomen, and some lost part inside him found it's way to the place it belonged, sending chills down his spine. He didn't know what to do, so he just lay there, unmoving. Whenever Ren had a bad dream he couldn't wake up from, Hux would shake him out of it, but this time was different; besides his roommate got quiet again. The ginger hoped that was it, that Ren's dream changed or something. It didn't, though, because Ren's voice disturbed the silence gain.

“Hux! H-h...” it sounded more desperate this time. “Hux no! No no no no! Hux! Huuuu...” Ren was frantic, crying almost, struggling in his sheets.

This whole situation was ridiculous; Hux had to calm him down or he would keep whining his name like that for other people to hear. That would be awkward. He could see the staff lady rushing in there to make sure that Hux wasn't murdering his roommate with another chair leg. Hux threw away his blanket angrily and stood up sharply with a frown on his face. They should pay him extra scholarship for dealing with this. He stepped over the black line, which was still there for some reason, even though both of them had been crossing it all the time recently. Hux's name was ringing repetitively in the air, more and more desperate. It sounded like crying for help and made him run up to the double bed. Before he thought about what exactly he was doing, and too out of balance to keep calm, he was crawling through the pile of blankets, pressing himself to Ren's wide, shaking back and wrapping his arms around him. He needed to say something, anything, so he blurted out first thing that came to his mind.

“I'm here, Ren.” Hux said quietly into Ren's ear, but it still sounded a bit angry and a little too rough. It was so cheesy that Hux felt like an idiot. His cheeks became hot, so he pressed his face against the base of Ren's neck, hiding the blush.

Stupid fucking Ren had to be coddled to sleep like an overgrown toddler, Hux thought. Ren became completely quiet and still. As the ginger started to regret what he had just done, the black haired boy shifted and rolled over in his arms. It was too dark to see anything but Hux was sure that Ren stared at him with those big shiny eyes. The large hands brushed his ribs and rested against his back as the strong arms wrapped around his body, making it impossible to leave. Ren pulled Hux close to himself, pressing his body tightly to the ginger's and holding him as if he could disappear. Now Hux's face was hidden against his roommate's chest; he could feel it burning, his ears had to have turned red as well. What was he even doing?!

“Hux...” Ren laughed lightly after he murmured his name and buried his nose and lips in the fiery hair. “I knew...”

Hux had a feeling that the thing Ren was about to say was even more cringe worthy than his cheesy line. “Shut up, before I change my mind.” He cut in, but without any real bite. 

Ren only squeezed him in his arms in answer. Hux pressed his face to Ren's chest to hide the fact that he was bright red even if it Ren wouldn't be able to see anything. He realized he tried to hide from his own shame like that. His arms ended up wrapped awkwardly around Ren's neck, so he paced them between their chests and clung to Ren's oversized t-shirt. It felt good to be held by him, weird and a bit wrong, but good. Hux inhaled sharply as he felt a thigh sliding between his own, rubbing the sensitive skin there. Ren's fingers caressed his back in light sweeps, which were strangely relaxing. Hux liked how warm Ren was, like a human furnace he could heat his cold hands and feet with. He also liked his scent and how perfectly their bodies fit to each other. Also his voice, even if he didn't want to hear it right now. After a while Hux gave in completely, nuzzling into his roommate's chest while the long fingers were drawing swirly patterns on his back. He melted under Ren's gentle touch, forgetting about the reason, which told him that he shouldn't do these things with him. His eyelids felt heavy and soon he fell into a deep sleep

When Hux opened his eyes in the morning Ren was with him, fully awake again, watching him. He felt awkward, not knowing how to act or even what to say. Situations like this one, when he didn't know what to do, had always made him feel cold fingers of panic closing around his throat. That was why he fled as fast as he could the last time. Now he just laid there not moving an inch and staring back at Ren. The black haired boy looked unsure, as if he had been considering something for a long time. When he reached out to touch Hux's face he instinctively shifted to avoid it. Ren's hand stopped in the mid air and, after a second of consideration, Hux slowly returned to his previous position letting Ren continue. He hated it when people touched him even through his clothes, but Ren's touch wasn't unpleasant. Hux leaned into it, bringing a satisfied smile to the black haired boy's face. The lack of the warm hand cupping his cheek felt like a loss after it moved to mess up his hair even more it they already was. Hux groaned and tried to fix it, or at least brush it off his eyes.

“You look good like this.” Ren said watching him trying to tuck the ginger locks behind his ears. 

“I know you fancy the dark circles under eyes and unwashed hair look, but it's not really my aesthetic.” Hux answered with a snort and sat up.

“Ah, the old Hux is back.” Ren rolled his eyes. 

Hux crawled out of the nest, which he had to admit might be the most cozy thing he had ever slept in, and went to the bathroom leaving Ren alone. He didn't seem to be upset by that. 

Somebody with a tangle of unruly ginger hair looked at Hux from the mirror with tired eyes as he approached it. How could Ren think he looked good like this, the thing on his head looked like a bush. Ren. Hux sighed, because it was too much to deal with at that hour. Was he getting attached to him? He didn't hate him entirely in that bed, he even felt attracted to him in a way. Somehow that thought scared him. They hadn't done anything serious though, he told himself, they had only slept next to each other. It meant nothing, Hux had slept with Phasma in the same bed once and it didn't automatically make them a couple. Well Phasma hadn't put her leg between his, but that didn't matter. Hux could (and even would like to) share a bed with him again, but nothing more. Ren was too much of a disaster to get involved with. Hux looked down at his bandages and for a second thought he wasn't any better.

The rest of the morning went pretty much the same as usual, before Hux had started ignoring Ren again. They didn't talk about anything that happened between them, but kept less distance. It was a bit annoying even, because Ren felt like he needed to invade Hux's personal space every time he wanted to talk with him. There also were “accidental” touches when Hux passed something to him.   
He even went outside to feed Millie with him. She was growing bigger and her fur looked a little bit better, making Hux feel proud. He even bought her a little collar so she wouldn't look like a stray. At first she was afraid of Ren, but after a while she let him pet her. They both spent the next hour behind the dorm building playing with Millicent. Hux thought that she would also like the blanket nest.

After lunch Hux began to do his homework and study for upcoming tests. It was never hard for him, he had the ability to focus entirely on what he was doing; one reading of his textbooks was enough for him to memorize all valid information. Ren was hidden in his nest with his computer instead of doing anything school related, as always. It was a peaceful and quiet afternoon until he abruptly launched out of his blankets and slammed his hands on Hux's desk.

“Hux, you have to teach me math.” he proclaimed as if his life depended on it.

Hux just stared at him for a while trying to guess what his motive was. “What? Why?” he gave up.

“I need to go to the college.” Ren said with serious face. “Please?”

“What made you change your mind?” Hux thought it was some kind of a joke, but Ren was pleading. “I assume you decided that a second ago.”

“Well it's not about going to college in general...” Ren scratched the back of his neck. “It's about a specific one. If I don't get accepted there I won't go anywhere else.”

Hux raised his eyebrows; that was unusual. The black haired boy retrieved his laptop from underneath the blankets to show him the college's website. There was nothing outstanding about it, and Hux had never heard of it. The building on the header image looked ordinary, they didn't have any special achievements, it was just a regular college. There had to be somebody there who Ren really cared about, Hux couldn't see another reason. He shouldn't be surprised by this possibility, Ren didn't have any friends here, but that didn't mean he didn't have anyone at all.

“It's quite far away, what is so special about it? Hux asked, not hiding his curiosity.

Ren didn't answer right away; he shifted nervously, probably deciding if he should tell Hux the truth or not. This only intrigued him more, even if he shouldn't care about Ren's dirty secrets.

“It's because I know one of the professors there. I really want him to teach me, I think he would help me.” Ren said finally and it felt like it was truth.

“Just how do you know a professor from the other side of the country?” Hux shouldn't be interested in Ren's life that much, but did ask anyway. “Is that your family or something?”

Ren averted his gaze and became even more uncomfortable. “He's something like a family to me. I've known him since I was thirteen. We talk a lot.” 

“And you've acknowledged he teaches there just now, even if you've known him since middle school?” This whole thing seemed fishy to Hux. He couldn't push away the vision of some creep sitting in the dark basement and texting with thirteen year old Ren. 

Ren groaned “I knew you wouldn't understand. He didn't tell me because I didn't ask. The fact that he was there, supporting me, was enough for me.” 

“Do you know what he looks like? Or his name?”

“No, but he doesn't know what I look like either. That's why I want to at least go there and see him in person.” Kylo looked at his own hands when he was telling Hux all this. 

“Okay...” Hux said slowly, still mildly disturbed. “I trust that you know the best.”

Ren was old enough to not let some creepy guy from the internet manipulate him, he didn't show him any pictures of himself, so that was a good sign. Maybe this professor of his really wanted to help him... No, Hux knew people don't just help each other like that. That man had to have some personal interest or pleasure in it. He was far away though, and Ren could change his mind about this.

“So, will you teach me?” Ren asked again.

“Yeah. What do you have problem with?” Hux retrieved the math textbook from his neat pile in the corner of the desk and opened on the table of contents.

“Everything”

“Great.”

Ren was terrible at math. Hux needed to go back and explain him things he should have known back in middle school. A few hours later Ren started to finally understand some parts, so Hux decided it was enough for one day. He rubbed the bridge of his nose; the whole thing gave him a headache. It was really not the right time for his head to throb with pain because there was a party at Phasma's he couldn't miss that evening. He took some painkillers he had stashed in his nightstand hoping that they would't mix badly with the alcohol. It wasn't supposed to be anything wild, only them and their mutual friends watching movies with a beer or two. 

“Where are you going?” Ren asked when Hux started changing.

“To Phasma's house.”

“You're staying there until tomorrow, right? Ren looked disappointed, he hung his head sadly.

“Yeah, you are also invited, as always. Phasma would be really happy if you came... but I assume you don't want to?” 

“No.” Kylo replied shortly. Hux bashed himself internally for wanting him to come along and feeling sad about him staying for a second.

“I have no other possibility. I don't know why they are closing this shithole so early. I'll be back tomorrow morning.” Hux replied while putting his pants on. When he looked back at Ren he looked at some invisible spot on the wall quickly. 

Hux knew Ren had been staring, and he wasn't sure how this made him feel. 

There was not enough food, so they had to make more. Hux and Phasma went to the kitchen to organize some emergency toasts and the rest stayed sprawled on the couch watching some average horror movie Hux was getting bored with. He leaned on the countertop near the window and pulled his cigarettes out of his pocket. It wasn't a bad party, but Hux couldn't really have fun that night. He was distant; interacting with people while having his mind somewhere else was a difficult task. 

“Hux, really? Don't smoke in the kitchen.” she snatched the pack out of his hand and placed next to him. “We're about to make food here and I don't want any ash in it.”

She leaned over him to get something from the cabinet, he didn't mind her almost brushing against his shoulder, she was like family. Phasma proceeded to retrieve the other things while he was staring blankly into the space before him. The thing he felt in his chest and stomach when he thought about Ren terrified him. Sure, he had wanted somebody for quite a long time, but Ren wasn't just a somebody. Sometimes he was soft and warm, with his big sparkly eyes and clumsy hands, but then he turned into a raw, uncontrolled fury, destroying everything in his path. He was completely unpredictable; Hux couldn't read him as clearly as the other people. He was afraid that Ren could destroy him as well, or rather that he would lower his own walls too much and let himself be destroyed.

Hux sighed “Is it possible to get attached to somebody you hate?” he asked blankly.

His words hung In the air along with the smell of beer and a faint scent of Ren still lingering on his skin. Phasma stopped what she was doing and looked at him still with a slice of cheese in her hand. 

“Yes, you were right. It's about Ren.” Hux added before she could throw the 'I told you' at him.

“What did he do?” Phasma's eyes widened and her lips curled into a smile.

“He called for me in his dream and we ended up sleeping next to each other.”

“This answer doesn't satisfy me, you know that.” 

Hux had no choice; he sighed and told her the whole story beginning with the night after the encounter with his father. He found himself lacking the right words to put it, which was rather unusual of him. He felt awkward stuttering and taking pauses to think. Phasma listened to the whole thing without interrupting him, raising eyebrows or smiling occasionally. Hux's relation of the series of both weird and intimate experiences with Ren ended with him having his cheek caressed before leaving the bed this morning.

“And after all this you come here?” This wasn't the reaction Hux expected. “You should be there with him, what are you even doing here?” Phasma said sharply.

“Well I'm opening up to you apparently, thank you for your support.” Hux sneered. “They closed the dorm two hours ago, you know.”

Phasma rolled her eyes “You really are still escaping from your own feelings. Hux, accept them finally, you will brood yourself to death this way. Listen, you are going to go back there in the morning the minute it's open again and talking with Ren. You both need to sort it out finally.”

Hux didn't feel like talking about this with Ren, his roommate was awful at talking about serious stuff, that was one thing. Secondly, Hux's recent actions were pretty clear, he basically agreed to that weird cuddling in the nest arrangement, but he wasn't sure about going further yet. He sighed again. Yet this morning he had been sure he didn't want to get involved in anything more serious with him. This whole situation was bad and Hux was a mess. He listened to more of Phasma's advice and observations while they resumed the toast making process. She told him that he should buy a Christmas gift for Ren, because he had already had his birthday a few weeks ago. Hux had only told him 'happy birthday' and that was it. The fact of how dedicated she was to making them be with each other was a little disturbing.   
People started to get tired around 4 am. and eventually Hux was the only one awake. He half laid half sat on the couch between Phasma and Thanisson. He decided to do as Phasma told him and go back as soon as they open the dorm.

At 7 am. Hux laid in his bed feeling fresh; he had just got out of the shower. His eyes were tired after the whole night and his limbs felt heavy as if they were made of lead. He sank into his mattress and closed his eyes. He heard some rustling somewhere in the direction of Ren's bed, but was too sleepy to care. He didn't enjoy his peace for long however, because suddenly he found himself being nearly crushed, with the weight pressing him deeper into the mattress. It was Ren, of course. He clung to him, wrapping his body around Hux's, so he could fit in the narrow bed with him.

“Mmmm... Ren get off, I can barely breathe you idiot.” Hux mumbled trying to get a little bit more space, only to find out that the cold wall was on his other side. 

“I can't, your bed is so tiny.” Hux felt Ren's lips moving against his neck, and he could swear that fucker was smiling. “Mine is also far more comfy.”

Ren wasn't going anywhere, so Hux could either stay in his bed squished between the wall and his overly clingy roommate and ultimately get suffocated, or move to the nest. The choice was rather obvious, but Ren was doing that on purpose and Hux didn't want to give him the satisfaction of obeying him. He twisted trying to get into some more comfortable position, but it was almost impossible to move under Ren's body. When he heard a quiet gasp from Ren after making a certain movement with his hips against Ren's he stilled himself.

“Fine, just stop crushing me.” Hux groaned slightly irritated.

He felt the weight lifting from his body, letting the cool air touch his skin and give him goosebumps. Ren took his hand and helped him get up, but didn't let it go until Hux was laying on his side buried in the blankets. The mattress behind him sunk as the black haired boy crawled behind him. Hux felt one of Ren's arms wrapping loosely around his waist while the other slid under his neck. Ren just smiled with his lips pressed to the base of Hux's neck and pulled him closer. Hux fit perfectly to the curve of Ren's body behind him.

They slept together the three following nights, cuddling under the pile of blankets. It was convenient, because whenever Ren had a nightmare Hux was already there, close to him, so he could calm him down before he woke up in panic. He would run his fingers through the raven hair until Ren stopped trembling. Once he curled himself against Hux, still deep in his sleep. The feelings Hux experienced as Ren's breathing slowed and his body relaxed while he was petting his hair and whispering that he was alright were too hard to describe. It was something like overwhelming warmness radiating from inside of his chest. During the day he caught himself numerous times at looking forward to the upcoming night. Still, they didn't talk about it. Hux felt like the words weren't necessary here with their actions speaking for them. So far neither of them hadn't tried to do anything more serious.

The middle school level math still was a bit of a problem for Ren, but he was getting better at it with every day of Hux's tutoring. They were sitting in Ren's bed, leaning against the wall with their laptops that afternoon. Ren was solving tests online while Hux was writing a ten page long essay. The black haired boy asked him about a formula he forgot or things he really couldn't understand from time to time, but otherwise he tried to work on his own. He was still determined and that was a good thing, Hux thought, even if he had a bad feeling about his “teacher”.  
When he glanced at Ren's screen to see how he was progressing with his test, there was Skype opened up. Ren was texting instead of learning math, maybe Hux had overestimated him.

“Is that your creepy professor?” Hux asked indifferently looking back in his own screen. 

Ren jerked up at his words and shifted in his blanket so Hux couldn't see what he was doing anymore. That meant Hux was right. He looked up at him again to see that he's frowning with a blush on his face.

“Don't look at my stuff! And he's not a creep I told you this like a thousand times already.” Ren sounded deeply offended.

“He seems to be a creep to me, besides you were supposed to work, remember?”

“If you talked to him at least once, you would think differently. He could help you understand things. He isn't creepy or anything like that, he just knew a lot of people with similar problems to mine, I'm sure he also met somebody with problems like yours. I introduced some of my internet friends, and he didn't ignore them, besides he even wanted to talk to you, so I'm sure that he would listen and try to help...” Ren continued praising his weird professor as Hux realized something that made his guts twist.

“Hold on, Ren.” he interrupted roughly. “Have I heard something wrong, or did you just say he wanted to talk to me?”

The dead silence hung between them as Ren looked at the screen nervously and then back at the ginger. Now Hux was angry. Just how much this idiot had told him? Thinking about Ren confessing to some random guy from the internet about what they did together, or even asking him for advice was making him sick. Ren had no right to talk about him behind his back with that creep. What if everything Ren was doing in the past two weeks was suggested by him? Did he explained him how he should hold him in bed and run his hand along his spine? What the hell were those things the professor had helped Ren to understand, and why did it sound almost like some shitty mysticism? Ren was quiet so Hux had to press him harder.

“Did you talk about me with him? Answer me.” his voice sounded like a rasp of metal and his eyes were fixed on Ren cold as ever.

“I've mentioned you a few times...” Ren looked like a dog which just got kicked.

“And those mentions were enough for him for wanting to talk to me and 'help me understand things'?” Hux winced. “What have you told him exactly? I want to know.”

“It's not your business.” Ren cut out.

“I't is my business, you made it personal for me since I'm the one you talk shit about with random strangers.”

“He doesn't know your name or anything.” Ren shifted uncomfortably. “I told him that you are my roommate and that you were annoying and I hated you. I asked him back then how I could get rid of you, but nothing helped so I stopped talking about you.” Ren paused for a moment.

“Oh great, he told you that you should choke me? Am I getting this right?” Hux sneered.

“No, not really, that... was my idea. He just told me I should intimidate you.” Ren mumbled the last part, averting his gaze.

Hux was close to losing control of himself. Was Ren doing everything that guy said? There was only one way to find out.

“Well, if he is so curious, let's talk to him, shall we?” Hux took advantage of the fact that Ren was avoiding his gaze and looked at something on the floor and quickly grabbed Ren's laptop.

The second after he lifted it from Ren's thighs he saw large hands snatching it from his and then felt sharp pain in jaw as the rough casing hit him. He yelped and curled on himself pressing his hand to his face and retreating to the corner of the bed as far away from Ren as he could.

“Hux I'm sorry!” Ren's voice, was high pitched and trembling. “I didn't want to hit you, it just happened, oh my god I'm so sorry!”

Ren was sorry, but it didn't change the fact that he had just hit him with his goddamn laptop. Like before he had thrown him against the lockers few hours after he caressed his cheek. Now he tried to awkwardly comfort him by gently touching his shoulders. Ren could go from tenderness to violence in a split second. He was hurting him, or breaking him, and then comforting over and over again. Hux had to be sick, because he liked that vicious loop he fell into. It was so wrong, but also so right that he hated Ren for that. He hated him for pulling him into this. Ren was still apologizing to him when he hit him back. His fist clashed with Ren's cheekbone, throwing his head back. Ren looked at the ginger in shock for a moment before tears filled his eyes and his lips began to tremble.

“Why are you like this Hux?” he asked with his voice breaking.

“Why am I like this? You've hit me in the face first!” Hux yelled in an accusing tone, frowning at him. He dared to play the victim in this.

“I told you I didn't want to do it, it was a reflex, and I'm sorry. I do that when people take my things. I'm so sorry Hux.” he whined. “But you are still repressing everything. You are nice, and then you turn bitter and emotionless again and when I think you like me and trust me you always prove that I was wrong. I don't want to hurt you, not anymore, please just give me a chance... What do I have to do for you to trust me?”

Heavy tears were running down Ren's spotted cheeks, one of them red from the punch. He sat on his heels before Hux with his shoulders hunched looking miserable. Hux could tell he was honest, the guilt and regret was crushing him. 

“Ren you can jump from cuddling to hitting me, you talk about me behind my back with some random guy from the internet and you are surprised that I don't trust you? Of course I don't. How could I if I can't be sure what are you going to do to me, if I do, or say something wrong. You are accusing me of being cold and keeping my distance, but you are worse with your temper, and straight up violent, Ren. You act all protectively and then you hurt me with your own hands. I don't know if this is on purpose or not, but If you can't control it, and this just happens it's even worse. Don't you see it's fucked up?” Hux laughed nervously.

“And you are repressing all your emotions and pushing people away because you think feelings are weakness. Your father taught you some shitty views on what makes people strong and respected and now you hurt everybody because you are heartless. This is fucked up! Do you realize how hard you are to live with?” Ren went silent again looking Hux in the eyes with his huge glistening ones.

“You leave my father out of this. Your professor taught you it's okay to choke people.” Hux briddled. “You tell me I am the one hard to live with? Have ever thought what I feel when you are throwing your tantrums and hurting me? You can't solve any problem without making a drama. You wanted to know why I was acting like nothing happened back then. You could have stopped me somewhere in school and asked like a person, but no you had to put up a show in which you attacked me in the middle of the goddamn hall! Same with your mother. You can make scene out of everything, like you are doing now, by the way. You're an insufferable, arrogant...” 

“Shut up!” Ren barked unable to take the criticism, or because he was out of his arguments why Hux was worse than him. 

“Make me.”

Hux realized he made a mistake after those two words left his mouth; last time he said it Ren made him shut up by crushing his windpipe. This time he also pushed him against the wall. He kept him pressed to it with his large hands on his shoulders. Hux was ready to push him back or at least try, but when he lifted his hands Ren's lips crashed with his. 

It was weird to kiss Ren. His lips were chapped and rough against his, but also soft at the same time. Hux's hands took a hold of the fabric of Ren's hoodie as his eyes closed. He kissed him back throwing the rest of his logical thinking out of the window. Ren turned out to be a sloppy kisser; he licked too much at Hux's lips and when Hux opened for him it felt like he was trying to suffocate him with his tongue. There was saliva everywhere, teeth clashed against teeth, but Hux didn't care and wanted more. It was surprising how sweet Ren tasted. When he broke the kiss a thin string of saliva was still connecting them for a while as they parted. 

“I really like you a lot, Hux... I'm sorry. I won't hurt you anymore I promise.” Ren said quietly as he stopped applying pressure on Hux's shoulders and pressed his forehead to Hux's. 

“I figured that.” Hux let out a short sigh. “You are terrible at kissing, it's better than choking though.” he added with a crooked smile.

The ginger moved forward, closer to Ren, who spread his thighs so Hux could sit between them and wrap his legs around his hips. They both had flushed cheeks and shiny lips, and breathed a little heavy. Hux ran his fingers through Ren's hair as he leaned in for another kiss. The taller boy's hands remained on his shoulders. It was less harsh this time; Hux nipped at Ren's pouty lower lip and dragged his tongue over it making Ren's mouth open for him. His roommate was a fast learner when it came to kissing; he even earned a soft moan from Hux when he sucked at his tongue. The ginger entangled his fingers in the black hair, pulling it gently as Ren caressed the back of his neck. Hux melted into the kiss letting, Ren dominate him again, he lost the track of time and didn't know how long were they kissing pressed like that to each other. Finally Hux withdrew and rested his head on Ren's shoulder.

“I hate you for what you are doing to me, Ren. The things you make me feel.” Hux said softly, hiding his face in the crook of Ren's neck.

“I know, I feel it too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They are too deep in this.  
> Also as somebody who has a reflex like that, I can assure you it's 100% possible to realize that you had hit somebody after you did this.
> 
> In the next chapter: Christmas preparations and fluff with the approaching threat of Brendol Hux underneath it.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's getting a little sexual here, so if you are uncomfortable with awkward teens trying things you should go.

Kylo woke up from a dream about the forest; the maze of identical pines obscured by the fog he was lost in. He could see a flash of red between the trees occasionally, but every time he tried to follow it with his eyes the ginger hair was gone. It didn't feel like a nightmare, but still Kylo was glad to see the familiar fiery locks splayed on the pillow right next to him. He liked how much it had grown since the ginger started living with him; it was long enough to take a fistful while they kissed.  
It had been almost a month of waking up to the sight of Hux buried under his blankets, in his bed, but Kylo still didn't get used to it. Every morning felt the same as the first one, when he had awoken next to him; the surrealistic feeling of Hux being so close looking so vulnerable made his heart skip a beat as something warm fluttered in his belly. 

Reaching over the sleeping ginger for his phone, Kylo acknowledged that they had about fifteen minutes until the alarm would go off. There was no point in trying to fall asleep again. Hux groaned and mumbled something about interrupting his sleep when Kylo wrapped his arm around his waist, pulling him into a hug. He became less opposed to waking up earlier as his neck and shoulder received a series of feather-like kisses. Kylo had learned in the course of the last few weeks that he would get the best reactions from Hux by giving his neck most of his attention. As he expected, he felt how Hux shivered after a while, catching his breath and exposing more of his sensitive skin for Kylo, still not fully awake.

“Ren...” the ginger mumbled as he rolled over to face him. “Why are you so clingy all of a sudden? Like I could disappear or something...” he rubbed the corner of his eye with his fist. 

Kylo didn't answer, just pressed his face to Hux's neck and clasped his leg around the slight waist he liked to touch so much. He could swear that the ginger rolled his eyes, judging by the way he sighed. Still, Hux remained hugged to him without any further complains, leaning to his warmth.

The reason of Kylo's behavior was the awareness that it was the last week before the winter break, and two days of it had passed already. In five days Hux would return to his home, to face whatever hell his father had planned for him, while Kylo would move to the youth hostel. Visiting Hux was an option of course, but something was telling him that it would be impossible and they wouldn't see each other until the end of the break. Therefore Kylo established that he needed to make their last week before separation special, or at least better than previous ones. He was never good at planning things, but he formed a short list of things he wanted to do for Hux in his head. More hugs and closeness in general was the first paragraph on it, so Kylo could start bringing his plans to life right away.

Hux had been reluctant about physical contact if any overwhelming emotions or anxieties weren't involved and he didn't need comforting. Every time when Kylo had taken him in his arms the ginger would go completely still with his arms frozen by his sides. Ren had thought that his roommate didn't like that, so he hadn't done that as often as he would like. The truth was completely opposite however; Hux's stiffness had been only his first reaction. If Kylo held him a bit longer the ginger would relax and basically melt into him.

He tried to give Hux more warmth and affection than he could ever want, as if the ginger could hide it somewhere and save it for the times when Kylo couldn't be there for him. They laid pressed together under the pile of blankets which seemed to hide and protect them from the rest of the world until the alarm went off. Hux got up first, crawling a bit clumsily off the bed. Kylo followed him to the door where he stopped him for a second to give him a last warm hug before they both left to the crowded bathroom acting like nothing had ever changed between them.  
Few minutes later they were changing from their pajamas in silence; Hux was facing his old bed as usual while Kylo watched him, also as usual. Kylo was certain that the ginger knew about it, maybe even secretly enjoyed it, even if he never commented on it. The shorter boy pulled the gray sweater made of textured thick fabric over his head and rolled up the sleeves of his shirt; it had a pattern of small blue birds on it, that didn't fit Hux completely. Kylo wondered how Hux could wear only two layers of clothing regardless having forever cold hands while he put the essential, thickly knitted scarf around his neck. Besides it and the thick, knee-long blouse with big hood, he was wearing two overlaid t-shirts; one tattered with ripped edge and another one more smooth. The fingerless woolen gloves were another vital accessory. While Kylo was tying the shoelaces of his combat boots he noticed that Hux fumbled around room for a bit too long; he was looking for something in his bag, and then under his bed.

“Ren, have you seen my scarf?” the ginger asked as if he sensed Kylo's curiosity. “I can't find it anywhere, have you taken it?” he raised his head and looked at him squinting his eyes. Kylo just shook his head in answer. “Damn... In that case I most likely lost it somewhere. Probably left in the mall yesterday,” he sighed and got up from the floor.

“You can take mine,” Kylo offered. He had three thick woolen scarves; one graphite and two black. He quickly retrieved one of the black ones from the pile on his chair and held in the air for a moment presenting to Hux. “Is this one okay?”

Hux nodded as he took his coat off the hook attached to his closet and put it on. While Kylo found rest of Hux's clothes boring, normal, and without any real character to them, he really liked the thick, black, heavy coat to the point he would wear one like that himself. It looked a bit like a part of a military uniform, something that an officer could snuggle himself in during the cold winter nights in the outpost. The effect was sometimes increased when Hux combed his hair back with the clear parting, but that hadn't happened in quite a long time. When the ginger walked up to the double bed with outstretched hand to take the scarf Kylo stood up and put it carefully around his neck. The soft fabric settled on his shoulders and Hux gave it a little tug to adjust it to his liking; it covered his whole neck reaching to his lower pink lip. He had to notice where Kylo's gaze lingered, because he said a little “Thank you” and tilted his head back to give Kylo a quick, sweet goodbye kiss before they walked out of the building into the snow.

Kylo was glad that he had no friends in school besides Phasma, who had known about the whole Hux thing, which had become a heavily guarded secret between the three of them. Nobody had tried to pull the information about the origin of hickeys on Hux's neck from him, while the ginger had been bombarded with questions every day since he got them. If this was entirely up to Kylo he would tell the truth about them to the first person who would ask him, but Hux had insisted on keeping the whole thing in secret. It was understandable after the whole drama with his father, but still, it seemed a bit paranoid to Kylo. He would just beat up everybody who harassed Hux about it, even Brendol Hux senior himself. Because of that, they hadn't been talking to each other in school; Hux had been cold as ever and Kylo had tried his best to avoid him. People had bought it, still guessing who Hux's mystery date was. The second paragraph on Kylo's list was proving Hux that he could trust him, so he had been doing his best to hide his feelings from everyone as his ginger wished. He would take this secret to the grave if that was necessary.

The English teacher was sick, so Kylo had one free hour before the biology class; he wandered around school to kill the time somehow. He was passing near the gym, when he remembered that Hux had P.E. at the time. It occurred to him that he had never seen Hux exercising, and he really needed to change that fact. If he stood at the door just for a while it wouldn't be anything suspicious, would it?  
Kylo's jaw dropped as he spotted Hux in the crowd, because the sight was far better than he could ever expect it to be. 

Hux was wearing shorts. 

Very short shorts, which were rather on the tight side, and a gray t-shirt also well-fitting. He didn't like baggy clothes and his P.E. outfit wasn't an exception; everything was close to his skin, but not too tight, giving enough mobility and accenting his supple figure. It was also very pleasing for Kylo to look at, even if it was unlikely that Hux thought about it while he had assembled it. His group was doing the stretching exercises to warm up. Kylo was surprised how flexible Hux was despite his bad stamina and lack of skill at any sport. The shorts highlighted his long, thin legs, making his body look even more graceful. Kylo had to evacuate himself out of there when the teacher made Hux's group do the cat stretch because of the heat rising in his cheeks. He walked right into one of Hux's colleagues in his shame, trying to hide his burning face behind the thick curtain of his hair. It was the one with ratty face, who tried to grow a beard with rather poor effect; he stepped back rapidly as if Kylo wanted to attack him, and when nothing happened he just stood there staring. With his hood up Kylo made his way through the hall not paying attention to the boy's curious look.

The image of Hux stretching on his all fours, bending and arching his back had him distracted for the rest of his classes. He could almost feel the soft, ivory skin under his fingers as he imagined clasping them around ginger's slight waist from behind. Because of his little fantasy Kylo almost forgot about another valid paragraph on the list, more troublesome than the rest; a Christmas gift for Hux. The problem was that Kylo had no idea what would Hux like to get; he'd never said that he needed or wanted anything in particular. In this case Kylo needed the help of the true Hux expert.

Phasma felt, in the mall, like fish in water contrary to Kylo, who was uncomfortable as always, gripping at his black parka nervously as they navigated through the crowd. Kylo had certainly been wrong thinking that this place had been stuffy and full of people before, because it had been nothing compared to this week; the last one before Christmas. If Phasma was shorter he would most likely lose her in the lively river of people carrying bags full of presents, Christmas decorations, and food. 

“It can't be too pricey, I don't really have enough money for anything fancy, but Hux probably has only fancy things...” Kylo was more and more nervous looking at shiny displays behind glass walls. “What if he thinks I have a poor taste? I mean he's rich, he probably has all designer stuff...”

“Kylo, from what I know most of his shirts are from H&M, so chill. Even if he wore Prada everyday, so what? You want to buy him clothes?” Phasma raised her eyebrows.

“I don't know! That's why you're here with me,” Kylo sighed with frustration as he stopped in front of a display with elegant watches. “I just don't want to embarrass myself.”

“I highly doubt that Hux would laugh at anything you give him, I don't think he wants any expensive gifts from you anyway. I think it should be something really personal, something he's going to associate only with you,” Kylo looked at the reflection of his weirdly disproportionate face while Phasma was thinking. “I know!” she proclaimed with bright smile, “You draw, right? I think you should draw him something.”

“What?” Kylo took his gaze off the display looking at Phasma with disbelief. “Hux isn't sentimental like that. I don't think that's good idea.” 

“You still don't know him very well I see, but it's your choice after all. Let's go find him something then.” 

They maneuvered through the mass of people and found themselves in front of big book store, which was a book store only from the name because they also sold music, games, and art supplies. In the center of the display decorated with big, golden stars and red ribbons, was a pile of the most recent bestseller; another erotica, most likely about bdsm judging by the dark cover and title. When they walked in and Kylo looked around the books exposed in the middle of the shop, he realized he didn't really know what Hux liked to read. 

“Um Phasma... What kind of books does Hux like actually?” he asked quietly, ashamed for walking in without basic knowledge like that. 

“Jesus Kylo, you really are something. I can show you some authors he likes for a future reference, but I bought him a book already. Sorry.” Phasma shrugged. “Besides do you really think he would like you to get a book for him?”

“I told you I don't know!” Kylo raised his voice in irritation, drawing the attention of a few people around them. 

Phasma sighed and patted him on his shoulder. “Calm down. Let's look around for something else.”

They went to the music section first only for Kylo to realize he didn't know what music Hux likes either. This time he was too ashamed to admit it in front of Phasma so he didn't ask her for any recommendations. He looked around for a moment, spotting a few albums he would love to buy for himself, but the prices were too high in his opinion. The lack of knowledge about Hux's music and book taste made him realize that he almost didn't know the person he shared his bed with watching how he had fallen asleep next to him every night. Kylo was so terrible at this; he had always been bad at interacting with people and making the relationships last. When he finally had somebody, he didn't even know basic things about his interests. The guilt begin to swell in his throat as he thought about it. They rushed through the music section and went for a brief trip around art supplies section. Ren caught a glimpse of a few things he wanted and normally he would look at them more closely, maybe even buy something, but he was feeling too terrible to pay attention to anything else. Their tour around the store ended among the books with Phasma showing Kylo all Hux's favorite series and authors. Kylo was even surprised that the ginger liked fantasy, even if recently he had switched to classic literature. They left the store with empty hands, which was bad, because Kylo had put most of his hopes in this shop. 

The visit to the electronic market was similar and Kylo also left the place empty handed and angrier than before. Everything was either too expensive or Hux already had it, besides the sensors in the gateway had reacted to his backpack for some reason. The bulky, pink faced security guard had found him too reluctant about showing his things to him and thus suspicious, so he decided that searching Kylo was necessary. Ren was still irked by the memory of the guard trying to find any stolen goods or a weapon under his clothes, his skin felt like something was crawling under it. Probably out of pure desperation Phasma started dragging him into clothes shops and showing him various shirts and accessories Hux would like, according to her. She was probably right, but Kylo was too afraid to buy Hux clothes. What if he didn't like them? Would Kylo have to return the failed gift to the shop? He hated interacting with cashiers and shop workers who always materialized behind his back asking if he needed any help, as if buying the pair of pants was too difficult. Let alone how embarrassing it would be if Hux rejected it, or was visibly disappointed. 

After almost three hours of searching for the perfect gift and failing, Kylo was ready to give up. He was tired, upset and feeling as if the crowd could suffocate him. As he headed towards the way out of that hellish place, ignoring Phasma's efforts to convince him to search a little longer, one of the displays caught his eye. It was rather small compared to the chain stores and decorated in a simple but quite elegant way. The shop offered various things from jackets to briefcases, all made of leather. The winter collection was presented behind the glass wall; Kylo walked up close to it so he could take a better look at the item which had drawn his attention, the black gloves. He immediately thought about Hux's heavy coat when he saw them and how amazing would they look combined with it. The store looked a bit expensive, but those gloves were the only thing which actually seemed right, so he walked in without a doubt. The second he was inside he forgot about the gloves for a moment, because of the row of black leather jackets. One of them had silver studs and spikes everywhere and Kylo had always wanted to own something like this. He stood there in awe imagining how badass it would look on him until some woman startled him with the usual “Can I help you?” The black haired boy answered the question awkwardly and asked the woman to show him the gloves.

“Uh, so you're buying him gloves after all?” Phasma asked looking around the store. “Thought you didn't want to buy him clothes?” 

“He has cold hands like all the time and I think they fit him, okay?” 

“Yeah they do,” Phasma nodded, “And well, it's a practical gift, so Hux should appreciate that,” she said but Kylo could tell she had different opinion about this. He didn't press however, he was sure this was the right gift.

Kylo chose the pair of black, simple gloves, decorated only with a single silver latch on each wrist. The leather was soft and smooth, a little bit shiny and smelled really nice; Kylo always liked the smell of leather for some reason. He hoped that Hux would think of him while he put them on, and later when he would tug at each finger with his teeth to take them off... Kylo's cheeks got slightly red again. The gloves cost a little more than Kylo planned to spend, but he thought they were worth it. The cashier packed them neatly into a small box decorated with a black ribbon (Kylo's choice) after she heard it was supposed to be a gift. Kylo was more than pleased because it looked really tasteful with a small logo burned into the box in the corner, even kind of dark and mysterious. He imagined Hux dressed all in black for a second, with his coat draped over his shoulders and the blush creeped on his cheeks again. Phasma had to notice that because she looked at him with a big smile and patted his back.

“Oh Ren, Ren... It really hit you hard, didn't it?”

To Kylo's surprise, Hux wasn't in the room when he came back with the gift safely hidden in his backpack. He took one last look at the box and the shiny ribbon before he put it in his closet, under the pile of his clothes, because Hux would never dare to look there. Kylo sprawled himself across the bed and turned on some music like he had always done before Hux moved in. It was the situation the ginger had seen him in, when he stepped over the threshold for the first time, holding his two ridiculous suitcases in both hands. Kylo had wanted to get rid of him back then. Now he craved the exact opposite. 

At first Hux had kept his distance on daily basis, even after they had been sharing a bed for over a week. Kylo had to ask him to come closer and sometimes even push him onto his bed so they could lay there in each other's arms for a while, or just sit close enough for their arms to touch. When he had returned to the room that one snowy day, so late that it was already dark outside to see Hux sitting cross-legged on, his bed his heart skipped a few beats. He didn't remember how exactly he had found himself tangled in blankets without his boots and jacket on, holding Hux in his arms and kissing him. From that day they had been spending most of their time in Kylo's bed, doing most of the things together. 

Kylo hoped to come back to that sight and was a bit disappointed to find the lack of adorable ginger sitting in his bed. More than that; he was even startled and worried because of it. He took out his sketchbook to kill time before Hux would come back from wherever he could be. The story needed some changes, Kylo had to fill plot holes and maybe change some character designs. He considered giving the black knight an actual face, because of him taking off his helmet for the first time.

“You wanna fuck me like an animal, Ren?” Hux said sneering, as he entered the room and it took a while for dumbstruck Kylo to realized he had commented on his music. 'Closer' by Nine Inch Nails was currently playing and the lyrics were 'I wanna fuck you like an animal'.

Kylo felt the heat rising in his cheeks yet again that day, now more intense than any of the previous times. He had been thinking about it since the cat stretch, actually. Even the tips of his ears became red as he realized that the answer to Hux's question was yes; so much that he had to cover himself with the blanket to hide the evidence in his pants. Hux using the words 'fuck me' and Kylo's name in one sentence mixed with the purely sexual lyrics of the song did things to him. He had to push away the fantasy of himself shoving his both hands into Hux's P.E. shorts, the elastic fabric stretching while he groped his tiny ass. Hux was too busy with his things to notice anything, or he was tactful enough to be silent about the blush. He was still wearing Kylo's scarf and still looked amazing in it; Kylo was never jealous of a scarf before, but there it was touching Hux's neck and lips while Kylo had to wait for it the whole day.

“What took you so long?” Ren managed to ask finally, after he felt the heat going away.

“Well I was shopping as you can see...” Hux replied in a bored, flat tone. “Besides that, I had to stay at school overtime, council stuff, it would bore you to death.” He began to unroll the scarf off his neck and either it was Kylo's imagination, or he did it slower than necessary before he handed the garment to him.

“Keep it,” the black haired boy said. “Until you have a new one.” That second he realized that he could just buy him a similar scarf and three hours of thinking and walking from one end of the mall to the other could have never happened.

Hux squinted his eyes and tilted his head a little, studying his roommate for a second. “Well, thank you, I guess.” he said and put the scarf on the table, proceeding with undressing from the coat.

Studying in Kylo's bed was a normal behavior for Hux; it was almost impossible to distract him, even with wrapping arms around him or kissing him. He remained with his gaze fixed on the textbook, his back leaning against one of Kylo's legs. The black haired boy rested his head on Hux's left shoulder, which was touching his chest, while he loosely held the ginger's waist. He waited for him to finish, listening to the occasional rustle of the pages and Hux's even breath. Sometimes he needed to change his position slightly, according to the way Hux shifted. They both had already taken a shower and sat in the pile of blankets in their pajamas.

“Hey, don't fall asleep,” Hux said snapping him out from a thin slumber. “And if you must, lay on the bed not on me, you're too heavy. I'm almost finished, only one more chapter.”

“We could watch something... a horror movie?” Kylo mumbled still a bit sleepy.

“That's fine by me. I trust your judgement.” 

“Mmmmm...”

Hux got up for a moment to let Kylo untangle himself, still focused on the textbook, not looking away even for a second. Kylo could only envy that level of focus. He crawled to the edge of the bed and retrieved his laptop while Hux sat back on the mattress, cross-legged, with a book propped on his legs. After a while of browsing Kylo decided that they were going to watch Ju-On.

After a few minutes Hux finally closed his damn book and set it on the double desk, grabbing a pack of chips at the time, and returned to the bed kneeling next to Kylo. He nodded seeing the title and ripped the bag open stuffing some chips into his mouth right away and then passing them to Kylo. The black haired boy just set it aside and grabbed Hux by the waist positioning him between his thighs, so the ginger could lean back against his chest. When Hux settled himself into comfortable half laying position, Kylo closed his arms around him, pressing him even closer and letting a content sigh. His choice of movie and the position wasn't random; Kylo imagined Hux curling up and hiding his face against Kylo's body during the scary parts. It was self indulgent and egocentric to put himself into the role of Hux's protector, imagining giving him shelter in his arms and being the stronger one in general, but Kylo couldn't help himself. Hux just looked so small and fragile that Kylo would like to hide him from the rest of the world and have him only for himself. Hux all his, in his bed... Kylo focused back on the screen because this time it would be possible for Hux to feel the evidence poking at the small of his back. 

In the beginning everything was going according to the plan; Hux rested his head on Kylo's shoulder and let him do whatever he wanted. He didn't oppose when Kylo's fingers caressed his thigh, or when one of the large hands found its way under his shirt. The only problem was that Hux didn't seem affected by the movie at all, contrary to Kylo who felt chills running down his spine a few times. The ginger munched on chips while Kylo was starting to feel really unsettled by what was happening on the screen. The dark corners of the room began to look threatening suddenly, and the urge to look around for the possible danger was too strong to fight off. The sound was the worst. Kylo shivered at the choked, croaking sound the woman made and squeezed Hux tighter in his arms pressing his whole body to his, clinging to him. It was supposed to be the other way around, Kylo thought holding Hux tightly and feeling the goosebumps on his arms and legs. He tried to hide the fact he was scared by kissing Hux's neck, which was also an excuse to hide his face. As his lips touched the pale skin, Kylo heard a soft chuckle and felt Hux's shoulders jump a little.

“Are you sure you don't wanna switch sides, Ren?” Hux snorted. “Shhhh I can turn it off if you're scared...” He smiled crookedly at the blush creeping on Ren's cheeks after he turned around to look at him.

Kylo squared his shoulders and looked away, too embarrassed to look into the green eyes peering up at him. His pride didn't let him stop watching, he started it and had to endure, trembling every time he heard the broken, throaty sound. It wasn't the first horror movie he had watched, but it had something in it that deeply frightened Kylo, and he couldn't even tell what it was.

“I'm not scared,” Kylo tried to sound confident, but it came out rather lamely.

“I'd say that such a scary movie would give you nightmares, but it would be rather insensitive of me... Oh wait...” Hux grinned watching Kylo getting even redder in his shame. “Look it doesn't even look real." he pointed at the woman crawling down from the stairs, moving in a way as if all her bones were broken.

“F-Fuck you Hux,” Kylo mumbled against the fabric of Hux's t-shirt.

The ginger snorted and turned back to the screen. “Such a big boy and he's afraid of a movie.” he said mockingly, but his hand joined with Kylo's, giving him a reassuring squeeze.

They watched it to the end in that position, Hux held Kylo's hand the whole time and caressed it with light strokes of his thumb. The black haired boy rested his chin on Hux's shoulder and sometimes he nuzzled against his neck or closed his eyes thankful for the fact that Hux couldn't see it. After the screen went black and the credits showed up Kylo still had a dreadful feeling that he would see a pale woman or child looking at him from the shadowy corner of their room. Hux moved forward, closed the laptop and put it back in its place by the bed. 

“I'm gonna go brush my teeth, are you coming with me?” the ginger asked, looking down at Kylo with some strange sparkle in his eye.

Kylo nodded and they both left the room. Outside he realized where the trap was; they found themselves in the dark, long corridor, that made him feel unsettled, which was completely typical for long and dark corridors. Hux turned back for a moment to look at him and even if he was just a shadowy figure Kylo could swear he was smirking. It required all his will power to not look around for the threat as they walked through the hall. He was tense and on full alert until they reached the bathroom and Hux switched the light on. After they took care of their oral hygiene and paced the damned corridor again on their way back, Kylo collapsed onto the bed and buried himself under the pile of blankets wishing for relatively calm sleep. 

Bones were breaking. Cracking. Kylo could hear them snapping in two, three. Choking. Somebody choked, her throat was making the croaking sounds as she was getting closer. 

Kylo woke up.

He took a deep breath and exhaled loudly cursing himself for choosing that movie. Then the realization came; he was alone, there were no slim hands stroking his hair, no warm body pressed to his, no soothing words whispered to his ear. Kylo reached out for Hux and felt only the sheet and empty covers. 

“Hux?”

Silence. After a short moment Kylo heard the rustle and when he turned his head to the source of it he noticed with horror that the blankets in the end of the bed were moving. The bump was getting closer, and then there was the sound. Kylo's heart stopped beating and dropped down into his gut as the croaking filled the silence. It was real. He was hearing the choked noise out of his dream. He heard himself screaming in terror when cold fingers closed themselves around his leg.

Then he heard laughter which was getting louder and louder. He lifted the blanket the same way as the girl in the movie to see a shaking ginger who was nearly losing his breath from laughter. Hux was wheezing as he peered up at Kylo with glistening eyes.

“Ohh-” he took a deep breath and calmed down a bit. “Ohh Ren, this was priceless-” there was another burst of laughter, “If only- If only you could see yourself right now...” 

As Kylo realized what had really just happened, the cold fear seizing his guts subsided, making the room for the hot anger rising at the fact he had just got pranked. He took a still snickering Hux by his arms and yanked him forcefully onto the mattress so he was lying helplessly underneath him. Both of Hux's hands got pinned down by Kylo's, who shouted insults at him and sat on his hips, but the ginger kept laughing.

The moon was up in cloudless night sky, filling the room with silver light which reflected from Hux's porcelain skin. Even if Kylo was pissed, at the moment he had to admit how beautiful Hux looked in that light.

“Do you think it was fucking funny?!” Kylo hissed through clenched teeth, remembering that other people could hear them.

“Yes.” Hux replied shortly and opened his mouth to croak at him again.

“You are terrible, Hux, you really are the worst,” Kylo winced looking him in the eyes.

“Oh? Punish me then,” Hux said with a smirk playing on his lips and ground against Kylo making his breath catch. 

It was a dare. Kylo responded with a rough roll of his hips, causing Hux to bite his lip and shift in his hold a little. Their eyes locked for a moment, both looking dark in the moonlight and the next second they were kissing, or more smashing their mouths together hungrily. Kylo was still too angry to be gentle; he attacked Hux with his teeth and tongue, while he held him firmly in place pressing him down with his weight on his hips, moving, grinding. Hux's breath was ragged against his lips, but the ginger didn't want to be worse, so he caught a rhythm with Kylo rubbing against him restlessly. It was intoxicating and raw, and Kylo lost himself in it absorbing every touch, every jerk against his hold, every soft moan and every other sensation Hux was giving him. And then, when he had to reposition himself, straddling Hux with his thighs more firmly, there was a cry, a different one than all the gasps Hux made, a little, pained yelp that shouldn't left Hux's mouth because of Kylo's ministrations. Kylo let go off the ginger's wrists to inspect his sides which he had pressed with his legs recently. As his fingers lifted the fabric of his shirt, Hux sat up and took the black haired boy by his ears pulling him down before he could see anything, tugging at the raven locks and kissing him with even more fervor. What are you doing? Come back to me. Now, with the slim fingers entangled in his hair, pulling and yanking it was overwhelming, causing waves of heat flood over Kylo's body, making him fall over to his side and writhe against ginger's body, trying to get more friction.

“Shit, Ren, you're...” Before Hux could breathe out the rest his sentence Kylo's mouth covered his, coaxing another deep kiss.

While Kylo was occupied completely with mouthing greedily at Hux and rubbing his sides and back, he suddenly felt Hux's hands going between their chests, his fingers running down, down against his abdomen to finally slip between his legs as Hux palmed him, earning a throaty moan. The other of the ginger's hands tugged at the waistband of his pants, and when Kylo realized that Hux was asking him wordlessly for permission, he grabbed Hux's hand and shoved it under his clothing nodding eagerly. It was only a half formed idea, a sketch of the next paragraph on his list, a hope that appeared in his mind after Hux asked if he wanted to fuck him, but it was happening. Hux closed his hand around Kylo's length and gave it first, testing stroke, feeling him.

“Ren, is your father a damn horse?” Hux asked, his breath catching.

Kylo only laughed, flattered by this comment even if he shouldn't be, unable to form actual words under Hux's touch. His hips bucked as he fucked himself into ginger's hand and bit his lip to hold back the cries of pleasure. He couldn't be worse than Hux, however, and stay behind like this, ungrateful, not giving anything back. The ginger gasped in surprise when Kylo pulled down his boxers with one violent tug, freeing him. It was different, and a little bit strange to jerk off another person, and Ren was a bit clumsy at first, before he caught a steady rhythm with Hux. 

“I- ah! I didn't want to ruin your little plan, Ren...” Hux started whispering between the gasps. “But I guess... You- fuck... You ruined it yourself with the movie... shit Ren...”

Kylo just groaned in answer. He felt that he was getting close and hoped that Hux wouldn't last much longer either. He quickened the pace just in case tightening his grip and making the ginger whimper. They weren't kissing anymore, Kylo pressed his forehead against Hux's shoulder and squeezed his eyes shut while the other boy did exactly the same against his.

“You wanted me to hide in your arms, huh...”Hux breathed into his ear. “I've seen... how you were looking at me- haa... recently. Like you wanted... Shit ahhhh... to eat me up...”

It was too much, too much Hux, too much touch, too much heat, too much everything. Hux was everywhere around him, Kylo breathed in his scent and it seemed like it was the only one that existed, like it was just him and Hux and nothing else in the whole world. Just Hux. Hux, Hux, Hux...

The pleasure building up in him exploded in waves of bliss as he bit his lip open trying to stay silent, taking his mind away from reality. He came down from his high desperately trying to catch his breath and thrashing in the sheets. Hux laid right next to him, trying to recover his breathing as well, with his eyes closed and mouth open, all red and swollen from making out. His own lips probably didn't look any better, not that Hux looked bad, in fact he looked exactly opposite. After a moment he took off his filthy shirt and wiped himself and then Hux with it as much as it was possible. 

“That was shit punishment,” his ginger muttered as he was safe in Kylo's arms, with his face buried in the hollow of the black haired boy's neck. “I've actually enjoyed that...”

A few minutes later Hux drifted into heavy sleep leaving Kylo alone with his thoughts, or rather blissful lack of them. He watched the dust dancing in the moonlight with half closed eyes slowly falling into slumber. As he absentmindedly traced his fingers over Hux's spine, he remembered the one detail Hux had made him forget with the kisses. The little pained cry he had made, as if he was hurt even though Kylo had done nothing. Kylo carefully lifted the ginger's arm from his side and slowly freed himself from his embrace. Hux mumbled something when Kylo uncovered him and curled on himself hugging a blanket, but didn't wake up. With caution Ren lifted the thin fabric of his t-shirt, baring Hux's hips and waist. He held his breath at the sight. In the silver light the bruise was almost black, creating a cruel contrast with the pale skin of Hux's soft abdomen. It started on his right hip and stretched diagonally all the way to his ribs. Staying in school overtime, council stuff, yeah right. After further inspection Kylo realized the bruise was foot shaped. Somebody had to have kicked Hux earlier that day. Kylo felt a lump growing in his throat as he traced the injury with his fingers so lightly that it was barely a touch. Hux wouldn't tell him what happened anyway if he woke him up, besides he looked so peaceful and vulnerable that it would be a shame to ruin it. It was too late anyway, so Kylo decided to ask him about it the next morning. He pulled Hux's shirt down and tucked him back in the blanket. 

“I'm going to find out who did this to you,” Kylo whispered and pet the fiery hair.

The list in Kylo's head gained a new paragraph which was the promise to protect Hux, even if he didn't want that, always.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy they did it. 
> 
> Next chapter: Chrismas gifts and promises.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Welp this is the end of the first part. Honestly I don't know when there is going to be the second one, because it was hard for me to get those last two chapters done. Thank you for reading this, for all the kudos and comments.

They had been waiting over twenty minutes already. Hux ran his fingers along the baseball bat, which he held on his knees while he watched the dirty scrap of concrete under the bridge, still completely empty. There were probably much better options than an open fight with people from New Republic High, but here they were waiting for them to come. Thanisson, who was sitting in the passenger seat, turned up the heat because their breaths had started to turn into a white mist. They must have chikened out, Hux thought, even if it was their idea. 

It had started few days back. Hux had been one of the school's representatives during a science festival. He had told the wrong person to fuck off and he got kicked in the stomach, which started the fight; him and the beefcakes against five kids from New Republic. Hux's side had won, of course, but the kids still challenged them to a rematch, and how could Hux refuse? The worst part of the whole thing was Ren, however. What a surprise. Despite all the efforts to distract him from the bruise, Kylo had found it anyway. He had been bugging Hux about it the whole following day, but ultimately had given up. Hux didn't want to keep secrets from him, but it involved his old school and Hux didn't want him to give them a round two of the infamous violence incident that got him expelled. He still hadn't asked him what actually happened there, but certainly he didn't want Ren to have anything to do with new republic ever again. It would only make it worse for everybody.

As Hux was about to tell the squad to leave he saw a group of people approaching. There would be a fight after all. He tightened his grip on the bat he had borrowed from Rodinon and left the car flinging it over his shoulder. The whole gang, except Mitaka who stayed in the car, was with him, and together they approached their enemies. There were some insults and attempts to scare one another before they clashed. Trekk and Wann went first taking the strongest opponents. Hux used his usual strategy and attacked with the bat, aiming straight for the head, knocking out the boy in the navy blue jacket who charged at him right away. One hit and he was writhing on the ground. The second one was prepared and managed to hit Hux and throw him off balance. The bat clashed with his shoulder instead of his head. Hux took a swing to strike again, but it never hit the target. He only saw something large, black and blurry sweeping the New Republic boy away. Trying to desperately shield himself from the hail of blows, the boy struggled on the ground, crushed by Ren's weight. Where the hell had Ren come from? There was no time to think about how his roommate knew about this. He had to smash the head of another attacker.

“Shit that's fucking Ben Solo!” somebody shouted in the crowd and it caused a chain reaction.

Everybody stopped smashing each other's faces and looked at Ren. He rose to his feet, looking at them from behind the tangled hair falling over his face. And then launched forward in such predatory way that even Hux felt chills knowing that Ren only wanted to protect him. He completely forgot what he looked like drunk with fight and his own anger. The New Republic kids just fled, some were even screaming when he charged at them and kept chasing a few meters. They didn't look back and left their knocked out friend behind. 

The squad didn't know that Ren was on their side; he was still unstable Crylo to them. Everybody held their guard as they circled Kylo, ready for an attack. The air was thick with heavy silence as nobody knew what to do. Seeing Trekk being close to breaking and just attacking Ren, Hux stepped between his roommate and the gang.

“It's okay, Ren is with us now,” he said loud and clear as he raised his hands. “You are, right?” he whispered to Kylo right after and got a single nod.

Everybody stared at them still uncertain how to act. Hux had to think of something quickly to justify Ren's sudden appearance, even if he had no idea what was going on, and how the hell Ren had found out where the fight was supposed to take place himself.

“I mean... That was the plan. Ren was hiding there to surprise them. It worked better than I had thought it would.” he explained, hoping that they wouldn't ask him for details.

“So is it over?” Trekk asked, still looking ready to break Kylo's nose.

“I guess so,” Hux answered and ran his hand through his hair, looking at the unconscious boy on the ground.

“Well that was fast.” Thanisson said and lowered his golf club. “Umm, Thanks... Kylo.”

Hux thought that he preferred it when everybody was hostile to each other than the painful awkwardness. Trekk still tried to murder Kylo with his gaze, Wann wasn't sure what to do with himself, Rodinon looked angry, Pieri stared at them with his eyes opened too wide, Thanisson rubbed the back of his neck nervously, and Mitaka was most probably panicking. They returned to their cars where Dopheld was waiting, observing everything with big eyes. Ren didn't know what to do with himself, and just stood in place, so Hux took him by the forearm and pulled towards his car. Seeing this, Thanisson and Rodinon walked towards Wan's truck, even if they had come with Hux earlier.

“You're not going with me?” Hux asked seeing this as Kylo got into his car.

“Nah, were fine, besides Wan has it more on the way,” Thanisson said and waved his hand at Hux before he climbed into the truck.

That way Hux and Ren were left alone in the car, sitting next to each other in silence. Hux knew that the rest wouldn't be enthusiastic about Kylo becoming part of the squad, but not that they would be so scared of him. Not knowing where to begin, he started the engine and drove off the frozen soil back to the old, holey road, going straight to the dorm. He took his, no Ren's, scarf off his neck and threw it onto the back seat when it became warm enough inside the car.

“So, what exactly happened there?” Hux asked finally. “Were you following me? How the hell did you know?”

“I overheard...” Kylo said quietly, with hesitation.

“You eavesdropped on our private conversation, great. Just how long were you spying on me?”

“If you had told me when I asked about the bruise I wouldn't have had to!” Ren blurted out and crossed his arms over his chest. “Look... I know some of those guys, I know they are terrible.”

Hux wanted to bash him for treating him as if he couldn't take care of himself and needed to be protected all the time, to the point that he actually had been spying on him, but something in Ren's tone made his voice stop in his throat.

“What do you mean?” he only managed to ask while he tried to remain focused on the road.

“I beat them up, back then, when I was still at the New Republic High... That was the reason why I got kicked out. I had destroyed them, just me, there was blood and screaming, and some teeth had fallen out, but before I dit it they used to make fun of me and take my things, and sometimes close me in the classroom... I couldn't let them hurt you... I recognized them and I couldn't control myself anymore, and well then they recognized me.” Ren spoke quietly, looking at his own knees.

“That's... I never thought I'd ever actually meet those guys.”

“Now, when I know who hurt you I'm going to go there and make them pay for it. They are going to have round two,” Ren said, his voice trembling with anger again.

“No. Ren, don't. You have shown them today, it's over.” Hux said firmly as he drove into the dorm's parking lot and found a spot. “It would only make things worse for everybody. You got out of there and that's important, don't let them get to you again.”

“I just wanted to do it for you...”

Hux turned off the engine as he parked and finally looked at Ren, who leaned in and hid his face against Hux's shoulder in exact same moment. 

“Hux...” he said lamely nuzzling into the coat.

Caressing Ren's hair, Hux only sighed and let him rest his head there, even if somebody could see them. Ren was always so stupidly affectionate. Lately it only had increased as he had been hugging himself to Hux in random situations. On that day, however, even if Ren wanted to hold him the whole time and not let go, Hux would let him. It was the last one before they had to leave the dorm for the winter break.

“Come on Ren, let's move inside at least.” Hux said and gave him a sad smile.

As they found themselves inside of their room Hux thought that packing everything would be impossible. He had more things than he had originally brought with himself, for example two sets of bedclothes and his jogging outfit, and some more clothes he bought in the course of few last months. His suitcases were full when he arrived; the packing would be a logistical nightmare. Ren's warmth snapped him from thinking about packing as he pressed himself to Hux's back and wrapped his hands around him. Ren caught him off guard and made him go still as usual, which Hux hated about himself. He thought that he had experienced more physical contact recently than in the course of the last few years, even if he had been in a relationship during that time. Hux still hadn't learned how to break that habit of going stiff when Ren touched him, and needed a second to relax. Only him and Phasma could touch him, he couldn't stand physical contact with anybody else. They stood in the middle of the room for a while just being close to each other. Hux hated leaving things for the last minute, but he could start packing a little later...

“Ren, let me take my coat off first.”

With a displeased grunt, Kylo let go of him so they could undress and kick their boots off. It took more time for Ren to unlace and take off his high combat boots so Hux was just standing awkwardly over him. As Ren was working on his second boot's lacing his phone rang. 

“Shit it's my mother,” he said, wincing before answering reluctantly. “Yeah?”

Ren was silent for a while, listening to his mother, pacing the room in one boot and shaking his head from time to time. His displeased expression told Hux everything. It was most probably about him going home for the winter break, his mother still hadn't lost hope about this and had been calling him and asking for the same thing over and over.

“But I told you I'm not going, he doesn't have to bother!” Ren spat out angrily, squaring his shoulders.

It's going to be a longer tirade, Hux thought and sat down on the bed observing Ren getting progressively more angry with every minute of their conversation. His voice was rough and whenever he raised it it seemed like a roar, it had some... interesting effects on Hux. Ren sounded like that in the beginning; it brought the memory of his hands closed around Hux's neck and Hux couldn't stop thinking about it. Something was drawing him to the concept, maybe he preferred the old aggressive Ren after all. He shifted and focused on what Ren was actually saying instead of the sound of his voice. It was something about his father; he was supposed to come to the dorm the next day, no matter if Ren wanted this or not. He didn't, of course. 

“Okay, okay!” Ren shouted with a flourish of his free hand, almost knocking a shelf from the wall. “If he wants to waste his time and gas to come here, he's free to do it, I don't have to talk to him! Let him come!” he hung up without a goodbye like the true drama queen he was.

“More family drama coming, huh?” Hux asked looking up at him.

“My fucking father is going to be here tomorrow morning, can you believe it? I haven't seen the man for two years and now he insists on some kind of a family reunion!” Ren snorted, still frowning and clenching his fists.

“Come here,” Hux said more softly and invited him with the gesture of his hand.

After finally removing his second boot, Ren climbed into bed beside the ginger, his expression softening already. Hux wasn't generally the affectionate one, so he was never sure how to proceed when he was the one initiating it. It had been mostly about fucking in his previous relationship, not really much more physical contact than was necessary, and all he needed to do was just to ask for it. Hux had thought that it had to be that way, because he disliked when other people touched him. With Kylo it was different, it felt good. Maybe he had been wrong, maybe he just needed a bit more time to learn to enjoy intimate things like this. He reached forward and caressed Ren's cheek before he entangled his fingers in his hair and pulled him closer. Ren didn't need much encouragement to press his head against Hux's chest. As Hux cradled his head, his muscles relaxed and he calmed down completely. Hux slowly laid back, so Kylo's head was resting on his chest. He was very careful, thinking about his every move, if it was good or bad and if Ren would like it.   
They laid like that for the next two hours. Hux still couldn't bring himself to talk about packing, but the thought haunted him. It felt like it was draining him of all his energy, making his limbs and head heavy, it was the first time in his life when he procrastinated on something. Ren drifted off into a slumber at some point, always sleep deprived. He clasped his leg around Hux, so the ginger ended up pretty much immobilized, which became an excuse for why he wasn't packing, or doing anything productive. Soon it was almost 6 pm., time for dinner. The staff planned something special for this evening, some sort of a goodbye thing. Hux had eaten the dinner in the cafeteria only once and it left him with the bad memories, but the attendance was mandatory.

“Ren, wake up.” Hux shook him lightly, when he got no response.

“Mmmmhmm...” Ren only nuzzled his face into Hux's chest.

“It's almost six, we need to go.”

Ren responded with more groaning, which meant he didn't want to move from the bed, and wrapped his arms around Hux's waist. Hux didn't want to leave either, but if they didn't the staff would go look for them and find them in this position. He freed himself from Ren's hold and lifted him to a sitting position.

“Ren, I have something for you, but I won't give it to you until you go downstairs with me for a few minutes.” Hux said slowly, as if Ren was a child, earning a frown from him. “Can you do that?”

“Okay let's get it over with,” Kylo said with a sigh. “I have something for you too.”

“Oh? Well, we'll just show up and let them know we're here, and then slip out on the first chance. They can't makes us actually eat their stuff.” 

Hux was more curious about the gift from Kylo than he should be. For a moment he thought that Kylo would buy him something from Hot Topic, and almost laughed at the idea. He was sure Ren would like the gift he got for him, but was a bit anxious that he might have it already, or might be not able to use it. There was no good moment to ask him about it without him getting the hint.

“Okay.”

Everybody was already in the cafeteria when Hux and Kylo arrived, they had no claimed seats there, so they had to awkwardly sit together in the far corner of the room. They were serving bigger portions of meat that looked better than usual, and there was supposed to be a pudding for dessert. It was actually necessary to eat it, or stay there until the others finished. Hux decided not to be rude, so he took a plate and ate a few bites of the meatloaf, while Ren pouted not bothering with the food. The family atmosphere the staff was trying to create was a little bit ruined by the lady guarding the corridor in case anybody wanted to leave early. Hux actually felt like he was at home; in case of the Christmas dinner with his father's half of the family his attendance was also mandatory.   
After everybody was done with eating, the staff wished them Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year and encouraged them to say goodbye to each other also wishing them great holidays. There were Christmas songs playing, people were joyful and excited, fat petals of snow danced outside the window, Hux was feeling sick, and the Christmas spirit was in the air. The next day Hux would be at home, sitting in his own room, alone. A few people he was talking to walked up to him to engage him in the whole goodbye project, so he had to pull on the smile no.3 and talk about the whole holiday nonsense. In the meantime Ren sat on the windowsill in the corner; people steered clear of him, and there was nobody who wanted to wish him happy holidays besides Hux, but they would have their own time for goodbyes later. As soon as people left Hux in peace he grabbed Kylo by the arm and they quickly left, finding themselves in the dimly lit, empty corridor. Ren leaned on Hux as they returned to their room, both still a bit uncomfortable because of the whole dinner event.

When Hux closed the door behind them, Ren immediately ran up to his closet, creating an avalanche of his black clothes as he looked for something. It took a second to retrieve his gift for Ren from behind his old bed. It looked big compared to the bag Ren pulled from the closet, and it seemed to make him a bit self conscious. They stood awkwardly in silence for a second before Hux stepped forward.

“Merry early Christmas, Ren.” Hux said smiling for real this time. “After that whole farce downstairs, it sounds stupid, but here, have it.” He gave his bag to Ren and took the one from his hand, feel'ing his face getting slightly warm, because of how awkward his wishes turned out.

Kylo huged him, before either of them had a chance to see what they'd got. “Merry Christmas.”

“I hope you don't have it already.” Hux said as they parted and Kylo looked into the bag.

Kylo showed off his interests all the time, whether it was by wearing badges with his favorite bands, drawing in his sketchbook during classes, or watching movies without headphones, so Hux could hear everything. It wasn't really difficult to guess what he would like. Hux watched Kylo's eyes widen when he pulled out the vinyl from the bag; The Fragile, by Nine Inch Nails. Hux thought it was crap, but it was playing at least once a week in their room, so Kylo had to like it.

“Whoa, Hux, thank you.” Ren was in awe. “Open yours.” He looked up at Hux with glistening eyes, excited like he was a small child.

Hux wanted to do it on actual Christmas, but if Ren opened his already, Hux could as well. Inside Hux's gift there was another small box decorated with black ribbon. He snorted at that because it was just so Kylo, all dark and mysterious. As he pulled it out and looked closely, he had to admit that it was actually quite elegant and had too much taste to it for any Hot Topic crap. He took off the lid and looked at the nicely folded, shiny, black gloves inside. The leather was soft and buttery to the touch, and it squeaked when Hux clenched his hands into fists trying them on. He liked the simple design the most, and that the gloves were soft enough to comfortably move his fingers. Ren knew his tastes better than he had ever thought. He looked away from his own leather clad hands to see that Ren was waiting for his comment, staring at him with such intensity as if he wanted to read his thoughts. Anybody else would probably be startled by the look at his face.

“I love them,” Hux said simply and gave Ren a small smile.

“That's not all” Ren said quickly and looked at the bag Hux had put on the floor by his feet.

Indeed, there was also a folded piece of paper inside Hux hadn't noticed before. It was Ren's pen drawing of a character with black wings and a hood over his face, an angel of death or something like that probably. Hux didn't know why but it made him feel warm, having something so personal, and the knowledge that Ren gave up his time to draw this for him, even if it was way too edgy for his taste. Hux realized he was genuinely smiling in that moment and looked up at Ren again to thank him, but Ren already caught his chin and pulled him into a kiss.

For the rest of the evening they packed, which made Hux upset again. He tried to shake it off and keep it together, but the more time passed the more afraid and helpless he felt. Somehow he managed to press all his things into his two suitcases and the bag. They were the last in the bathroom, far past the curfew, but the staff didn't even bother with them the last night. Standing in the shower, Hux noticed the blood disappearing down the drain, remembering to relax his hands and suddenly feeling how they stung. There were new rows of moon shaped marks inside his palms. They weren't deep yet however, and Ren didn't notice anything this time. Hux realized he wished he would as they left the bathroom with the small orange first aid kit untouched. 

Neither of them could sleep peacefully that night. Hux couldn't sleep at all actually, with too many thoughts rushing through his head, not being able to focus on any of them. Ren was drifting into a shallow, restless slumber once in a while, and then flinching awake, changing position and drifting off again. Wanting to feel better somehow, Hux cupped his face and touched their foreheads together, a gesture he had learned from Ren himself. 

“Hux, your hands,” Ren whispered, taking Hux's hand off his cheek and running his thumb along the bleeding gouges there. “Please don't...”

He grabbed Hux's other hand too, wrenching his curled fingers open, and held them both tightly, stopping Hux from digging his nails into his palms. Hux broke that moment. He tried in vain to bite back the quiet whine that escaped his throat and hid his face against Ren's chest. He wanted to run off and hide from everything, anything just so tomorrow wouldn't come. Kylo squeezed his hands tighter when he felt Hux's nails digging into his skin, and held until his anxiety and fear subsided a bit. It was like an anchor for Hux, something he could hold on to while he was thrown out of his thought process into complete chaos. He didn't know how much time had passed before he managed to finally form a thought and remembered that he needed to even out his breathing. His second thought was that those... malfunctions were getting worse, but he didn't want to worry about that yet. Ren's hands were still holding his when he came back to himself more or less, with his face still pressed to Ren's chest and his eyelids tightly shut. At least the shaking stopped.

“Hux?” Ren asked with concern when Hux freed his hands from his hold to wrap his arms around him. 

“It's better now, I... I'm fine, Ren. I'm sorry.” Hux said quietly.

Hux could see Ren's face in the moonlight when he raised his head and opened his eyes, he could see that the corner of Ren's mouth trembled, and his eyes were wet. It was because he freaked him out breaking like that, he should have better control over himself and his own fear. Kylo didn't let him stare for long and pulled him closer, pressing his head back against his chest. He stroked the back of Hux's neck, helping him to calm down completely.

“Hux...” Ren tried not to sob but he failed at that. “Please don't go... You could stay with me at the hostel the whole damn break, you don't have to go back home. It would be even cheaper that way. Only the first few days are hard, then you get used to it, trust me.”

Kylo sounded so desperate that it almost convinced Hux to run off with him, but still, he had to decline. “Ren, we have talked about this... I can't run from my father forever, there is going to be a moment when I will have to face him, and delaying it just makes everything worse. This is not the solution, I know it and you know it. I have to do this.”

“Please Hux... I don't want you to be like this, I don't want you hurting yourself. We're going to figure something out, you'll see.” 

Hux sighed and ran his hand along Kylo's spine. “Ren I haven't told you this, but my father only gave me enough to pay the dorm. I was living off my savings the whole month, and honestly I'm almost broke now. I'm at his mercy, and he knows that. He won't give me more money, Ren, and you can't afford to pay for us both.”

“We can find jobs...”

“Now you're being ridiculous.” 

“Please...”

“Ssh, I'm not going to change my decision. Even if I'm scared as fuck.”

There was a short moment of silence before Ren spoke up again, with more anger than sadness in his voice. “Next time I meet your father I'm gonna punch him for what he did to you.”

“Stop with the punching.” Hux, feeling more warm and relaxed, almost back to his normal self, laid back on his pillow, looking Ren in the eyes. 

“For you I'm going to punch anybody, I don't care.” 

“Ren, if you want to do something for me... go home with your father tomorrow morning.”

Hux didn't know why had he said that, it just popped in his mind out of nowhere. He couldn't imagine Ren living on his own in some shady hostel only on what he managed to save up and the money his mother had given him at the beginning of the month. Besides that, he thought of Leia and how much she cared about her dumb son. If he was her, he would stop giving him money like his own father and make him go back. Ren looked at him with the wide eyes, shocked by the request.

“But, Hux... you know I can't do that. Don't ask me for this... I can't let them think I want to be with them again, what am I going to say when they ask why did I return?” Ren stuttered while he said that, the corner of his mouth twitching again nervously.

“Just tell them you did it because I've asked you to do it.”

“But they would start to suspect things, you know?”

“And? You've never wanted to keep this a secret. My father and your mother don't even know each other, if I recall correctly. It's not like your folks are going to start gossiping about it with anybody...” Hux couldn't be sure about it. He had been sure that the teachers didn't care about gossip in school and he was terribly wrong. “Right?”

“I think...” Ren went silent for a moment, probably considering if he should do it or not. “Okay,” he said very quietly when he looked Hux in the eyes again “I'm going to do this, only for you, not for them, so we would both go through the same hell, be like, united in suffering.”

“Yeah... that's exactly what I had thought.” This wasn't what Hux had thought at all, but he decided to go with Ren's romanticism. It could be some line Ren's OC could say in his story to his love or something... “Anyway what happens next in your story?” he asked after a while to change the subject.

“What?”

“You know, that one with the general who gets eaten by a hentai monster. What happens after that?”

“Ohh, you remember that... Well... I changed that part. The general doesn't die, because the knight saves him,” Kylo said and smiled at Hux, who felt his cheeks burn. Kylo was on a spree that night.

“Christ, Ren...” Hux groaned hoping that in the pale light it wasn't visible how embarrassed he was. 

Ren's smile grew wider, so he hid his face in his hands, cursing him for babbling such cringeworthy nonsense. He felt Ren catching his wrists and taking his hands off his face, and before he could turn away Kylo's lips were pressed to his. 

“Don't you ever hide from me, Hux.” Ren whispered after he broke the kiss and looked at his red flushed face again. “I like your face and I like when you blush.”

Hux melted into the second kiss, overwhelmed by how emotional he felt, he surrendered to it, clutching to Kylo's shirt. He was lost and disoriented, not used to feeling so much at one time and a bit scared, but on top of everything he felt loved. 

In the morning neither of them wanted to leave their bed, but the meeting with Ren's father was inevitable. They changed from their pajamas, packed their bedclothes and Ren's blankets, and folded all the dorm ones, leaving them in a nice pile. The room looked empty with only them and their luggage standing awkwardly in the middle. It was snowing outside. When Ren's phone rang, announcing his father's arrival, they were ready. Hux gave Kylo's hand a reassuring squeeze as they heard knocking on the door. He stayed, sitting on the edge of the bed while Ren let his father in.

Ren's father was his son's height, his hair was lighter than Ren's, brown with a few graying strands near his temples. He tried to look relaxed and nonchalant, but his movements were a bit too fast and clipped, he was probably as stressed by the whole situation as they were. 

“Hey Ben,” he smiled as friendly as he could and stepped inside.

Kylo winced, looking like he wanted to bark something rude at him, but then remembering he was supposed to go back home. “Dad,” he only managed to say.

His name was Han, Hux remembered, he looked around the room and then briefly at him saying quick “Hello” before turning back to Ren. “Come on, we haven't seen each other for well... years, and this is all you have to say? How is my son doing?”

“Ummm... Fine, I guess.” Ren cut off, sounding crude and awkward.

“Oh,” Han's shoulders slumped a little as if he was relieved, his posture became more comfortable. He probably was expecting a tantrum or worse. “Well you haven't changed at all, I see.” He looked back at Hux. “And you must be his roommate. Han Solo, nice to meet you.”

Hux stood up and shook his hand. Han had rough, calloused hands and a firm handshake that left him feeling a bit crushed. Brendol sr. had always told Hux that he couldn't shake hands like a man. “Hux. Just Hux, the pleasure is mine.” 

“Okay just Hux, hope you two are getting along. See you had some problems with establishing territory.” He said looking at the tape dividing the room.

“That's a one way to put it,” Hux replied dryly.

“So Hux, you're going somewhere on a vacation, or you're staying home?” Han kept talking with him, even if he had come to see Ren; he was escaping from his son already, Hux thought and looked at his roommate who crossed his arms over his chest.

“I'm staying at home, with family.” 

“You both are equally talkative, I see.” Han sighed and finally left him alone. 

The air became thick with an awkward silence for a while as the father and son stood and watched each other unsure of their next move. Ren's eyes darted nervously to the side to look at Hux with silent question. The ginger nodded shortly and pointed at Han with the movement of his head. 

“I... I have something to tell you.” Ren started with hesitation getting Han's full attention. “I want to go back to the house with you, to stay for the break,” he spoke slowly, and made pauses when it wasn't necessary as that sentence painfully made its way through his throat.

Han was so shocked that he had to take one, slightly wobbly step back as he stared at Ren. He pulled himself together quickly however, his arms twitched as if he wanted to pull his son into a hug, but changed his mind in the last second. “Let's get those bags into the car then! I parked right in front of the door, come on.” he said it quickly as if he wanted to get Ren seated in his car before he could change his mind. Looking at least ten years younger suddenly, he reached for Ren's suitcase. “I'm gonna take this, you take that, and we're off.”

“No, I'm gonna take this.” Kylo wrenched his suitcase from Han's hands and gave him bag with his blankets. “And can I at lest say goodbye to my roommate?”

“Oh, yes, of course.” Han looked at Hux as if he had just remembered about his presence. “Hey, is someone going to pick you up? You need any help with those?” he asked gesturing at Hux's luggage.

“Um, no I'm going by myself. I would appreciate that, thank you.” Normally Hux would politely decline, but the baggage was heavy enough for him to throw his manners away and let the man carry it for him. 

“No problem.” Han smiled and took one of his suitcases. “I'm waiting by the car.”

He left way more happy than he arrived, so Hux and Kylo were alone again. Hux thought that he liked the guy, maybe not as much as Leia, he seemed reckless and a bit childish, a lot like Ren actually, just not scary, but he was good. He hoped that everything would go well at Kylo's house. As Han's footsteps faded Ren pulled him into a warm hug, pressing him as close to himself as he could. Hux nuzzled his face against Kylo's neck as he inhaled his scent for the last time before they would be separated. He already missed it.

“Skype me, like everyday. If you don't have a mic buy one, and don't you dare play Linkin Park while doing it to piss me off, and text me, just be in touch okay?” He didn't even bother to hide how much he needed him, he was pathetic, but he didn't care, he just wanted Ren. Maybe this was how being in love felt. “Promise me, Ren.”

“I promise.” A small, sad laugh escaped him as he caught Hux's chin and lifted up a little so they were looking into each others eyes. “God I want to put you into my father's trunk and steal you.”

Please do. His lips were chapped and scratchy, but also so soft and sweet at the same time as always when Hux kissed them. It was long and deep and too desperate, Hux knew, but he was supposed to be deprived of this just when he had had warmed up to Ren's affection and had begun to love it. To love him.

“Hey, we're not going to war.” Ren was so beautiful when he was smiling, even if this was a sad, crooked parody of a smile. “It will pass quickly, you'll see.

Hux smiled back and let go of him, taking a step back. “Let's go.” he said and grabbed his suitcase.

Han Solo was driving Ford Mustang from 1967. He literally parked right in front of the door, just below the stairs making it impossible to drive pass the building. Good thing there was no traffic in the parking lot that morning as the most people had left the day before, right after dinner. They said actual goodbyes there, Han helped Kylo to put his baggage into the trunk, offered them both coke and wished Hux happy holidays before he and Kylo got in the car. Ren waved his hand at him as they drove off. They left the parking lot, then Hux saw them on a road for a while, and they were gone. 

Small snowflakes kept falling almost vertically on the frozen ground, due to the lack of wind. Nothing had changed, but suddenly Hux felt heavy, as if somebody put a huge rock on his shoulders, he felt like he was about to fall down under it. His posture stayed the same, however, his back perfectly straight. With two suitcases by his sides he walked up to his car, stiff and cold like a machine. It was time to switch himself into a survival mode, put on his armor of dignity and control again. He remembered putting it for Ren, who then had peeled it off him piece by piece and liked what he had found underneath. When he was packed and ready to go he felt something warm and soft against his leg. Millicent purred when Hux took her in his hands, hugging her and stroking her orange fur. She might freeze to death, or starve while Hux wasn't there to feed and care for her, he couldn't just leave her like that for the whole winter break. Taking the cat under his arm, he got in the car not pondering much on what his father would say. She would like the house, he thought as he placed Millicent on the passenger seat and shut the door. There was something dark on the back seat that caught his attention before he started the engine. Ren's scarf. He forgot to give it back, and the owner was already far away. It still smelled like Kylo. Millicent meowed next to him looking through the window. Ren was on his way home. Hux turned the key. There was no other choice.

The end.


End file.
